Memorandum
TO: White Conservative Employers
FROM: Your Faithful (and Humble) Servant
RE: Exposure!
———————————————————————
Friends, it looks like the jig is up. We’ve been caught!
My criticism of the black community has exposed me for the self-hater that I am. And you have been exposed as my employers, paying me all that big money to spout hatred for myself and the black community. Bad-mouthing fine leaders such as Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton has cost me dearly.
And I think the post about Barack Obama being just another liberal may have crossed the line. Black people should not talk about other blacks that way, especially in front of whites.
Daring to even imply that blacks should stop complaining and accept the consequences of their own moral failings and improve their own lot is taboo, as someone who’s been black all her life should know. I tried to see the world from a different perspective and express a “diverse” opinion. What was I thinking? Woe is me…no…I…whatever!
The fact is I wasn’t thinking. I was blinded by all the green you guys have been bribing me with! Listen to what they’re saying about me. Here’s an excerpt of just one of many e-mails I get. This very perceptive man appears to be some sort of psychoanalyst. He diagnoses my condition too well:
You seem to go to any lengths to NOT address the racism that is practiced by whites. Do you not see it or do you choose not to see it? How is it that you cannot admit that the racism whites practice has damaged and continues to damage an entire group of people, in spite of some small gains that we’ve made? In your columns, why are you not critical of whites when they continue to discriminate in all facets of American life?
“Do you know the demographics of your readers? Are they mostly white, male, conservative? If this is the predominant make up of your readership, it tells me that they agree with you because your writings make them comfortable in practicing their racism.
I have concluded that you did not address the issues I raise because: 1 — you are being well paid by a group of white conservatives to write the things you do; 2 — you have a deep self hatred for yourself and for Black people; 3 — you are exhibiting a combination of these two.
I suspect that I will never know the real motives for the reasons why you write as you do. I can only refer you to two books that could possibly explain your condition—
“The American Directory of Certified Uncle Toms” and “Black Skin, White Masks” by Frantz Fanon.”
He’s got me pegged, don’t you see? How can I hide the truth? Black people are not responsible for killing each other. We are not responsible for the crime and degradation in some of our own neighborhoods. Our small gains pale in comparison to what we could’ve achieved if it weren’t for racism. Our own immorality and character flaws are not the issue.
It is you who are responsible. It is YOU, white conservative man, who has brought these ills upon us. And we’re still waiting for the 40 acres and a mule you promised us a looooooong time ago. Al Sharpton said so.
I’m tired of playing the lackey. I’m just a patsy! My intentions were honorable. They really were. Despite the money you’re paying to pull my puppet strings, all I ever wanted to do was instill some pride and dignity back into the heart of the community. I wanted people to know that yes, we have brains and can think for ourselves.
I didn’t want to focus on “white racism”: I wanted the world to see that we can be hard-working, creative, innovative, non-complaining lovers of liberty. When I pointed out the immorality of our own behavior and how we need to fix that first before we deal with “racism,” I thought I was doing a responsible thing.
To assert that blacks have more important things to do than blame “the white man” for everything was quite ambitious, I must say. But I’d rather tell the truth: it’s not our fault. We are and will remain the helpless descendants of slaves (many generations removed, of course, but why quibble?) incapable of exercising our God-given, free moral agency and “tolerance” toward members of our group who dare to hold different views. Shame on me for thinking otherwise. What a self-hater I am!
I quit! DNC, here I come. Congressional Black Caucus, make room for me. I’m coming home! Jesse, I’m sooooooorrrrrryyyyy!
P.S. Uh…if this month’s check is already in the mail, please disregard this memo. 
———————————————————————-
New E-mail Policy: Offensive and irrational correspondence is subject to public ridicule.
LOL!
Sorry ma’am, I’m not a male… I can’t sign the check. *runs away giggling*
Comment by Deb — 08.11.04 @ 1:28 pm
make you want to holla, are you okay.
Comment by Dex — 08.11.04 @ 1:29 pm
How in the heck could you possibly know the demographics of your readers? When I signed up for DSL I didn’t have to provide information about race, age, income group, or national origin. You might be able to put together the demographics of some of us commenters, based on self-reported information.
Duh.
Comment by Laura — 08.11.04 @ 1:47 pm
And I think the post about Barack Obama being just another liberal may have crossed the line. Black people should not talk about other blacks that way, especially in front of whites.
Except when the target is a black conservative. In that case, even white liberals can dump on ‘em. Geez, even black moderate Democrats like Rep. Harold Ford and Rep. Artur Davis get dissed for daring to break free of the leftist line.
Comment by molotov — 08.11.04 @ 1:55 pm
I’m curious. Do you know the demographic for this writer? Is he old enough to have experienced what REAL racism was like?
Granted, this country still has a ways to go before racism is stamped out completely. I have experienced it to a degree myself (what, a conservative White male has experienced racism?….It could happen). But, I don’t get the feel from the White community that they really think about it all that much, other than those who strive hard not to be accused of it.
I read your column, La Shawn, because I like what you have to say about many things in general. You touch on many topics which I have an interest in, but I will say that what you have to say regarding the Black community needs to be said. Like Bill Cosby’s reply when confronted about making similar statements in front of Whites, “I don’t give a damn about those White people”. As a lifelong fan of “the Cos’” I didn’t take offense at that, because I understood that he meant that his words were for the Black community, and it did not matter who else overheard them.
The reason that there is such a difficulty in being able to intelligently discuss race relations in this country is because of attitudes like this gentleman’s. He doesn’t know me, but I’m sure his first thought upon coming into contact with me would be that I must be racist because I am a conservative white male, and even worse……a White male COP!
Of course your advise on personal responsibility and spirituality are actually color blind, and applicable to everyone.
I am really wound up about this and I could go on here for far longer than your actual post about it, but I won’t. Suffice to say though that this gentleman really needs to take some time for a little self examination. Oh, and what exactly is the “American Directory of Certified Uncle Toms”. The title alone is repulsive.
Comment by Montie — 08.11.04 @ 1:55 pm
I don’t know what that person is talking about being “well paid”. Doesn’t he know we Jews are cheap?
Comment by Neil Uchitel — 08.11.04 @ 1:57 pm
If we white male conservatives are so racist, they why are we reading your column? After all, we’re supposed to hate blacks, right? Give me a break.
Shayne
Comment by Shayne White — 08.11.04 @ 1:58 pm
P.S. Star Parker’s now writing for WorldNetDaily. But I thought they were racist white conservatives?
Comment by Shayne White — 08.11.04 @ 2:01 pm
ROTFL!!!!
I’m a Negro . . .er . . . Black . . .Uahh . . . African-American . . . umm . . . American of African Decent!
I’m a Conservative . . . oops . . . do you think that’s an oxymoron?
Hold up!! La Shawn! Tell me how much they are paying you and I’ll tell you what they are paying me
Hey, we get enough of us together, you know the Self-HatingFreeEnterprisingGiveMeLibetyOrGiveMeDeath Anti-Black, Black Conservatives, and we can form a Union!
We can call it the Self-HatingFreeEnterprisingGiveMeLibetyOrGiveMeDeath Anti-Black, Black Conservatives Union. THEN we could demand more pay to spew these conservative views.
Look out Liberals - I’m OUT of the closet!
Comment by John C James III — 08.11.04 @ 2:03 pm
From a White Libertarian Male:
Well done! Everyone taking personal responsiblility for their actions, successes and failures would do a lot for our society.
Keep up the good work.
Comment by The Other Mike S. — 08.11.04 @ 2:06 pm
I think your emailer is being very exclusionary by assuming we white females aren’t paying you too. Geeez! What’s a gal gotta do?
Comment by Ith — 08.11.04 @ 2:28 pm
Being a conservative, who happens to be Black, is not for the weak or faint of heart!
LaShawn, do me a favor….let me know which white people are paying you to spread their conservative opinions so I can get on the payroll too!!!
Comment by Roshaunda — 08.11.04 @ 2:32 pm
There she goes again…
La Shawn has once again strayed from the Plantation, and was taken to task for it. Will she never learn?…
Trackback by Bunker Mulligan — 08.11.04 @ 2:35 pm
MEMO:
On 8/09/04 America’s white conservative males gavelled a meeting to discuss La Shawn Barber’s latest demands.
As we have discussed, our programs for increasing pollution and killing baby seals incurred cost overruns (damn that Haliburton!) and stealing the ‘04 election will be expensive. It is therefore resolved that Ms Barber be given the Benz, the diamonds, and the mansion, but no swimming pool at this time. Our apologies to Ms Barber, who has been a faithful instrument of our evil designs.
Comment by lyle — 08.11.04 @ 2:40 pm
I sent your check this week to the White Guy in the White House via Blogs for Bush and advise your other puppetmasters to do the same.
“We’re at war. Somebody’s gonna pay.”
Comment by Sissy Willis — 08.11.04 @ 2:40 pm
I have been telling my friends that the fact that we black conservatives are being beat on is a sign that we are wining the war on racism. We can now be divided into liberal and conservative. As someone else said, even white liberals can call conservative blacks names. We unfortunatly will always have discrimination but we are slowly but surely doing away with discrimination based on race. I call my theory the “Star Belly Sneetches” theory, based on the childrens book by Dr. Suess.
Comment by Keith Harris — 08.11.04 @ 2:52 pm
Naw man, see this aint even right. Lashawn’s been getting checks from white conservatives for distribution amongst the Barber’s Corner Uncle Tom Hoodlums………..and she’s been holdin out? Green, moolah, dinero, cash money!!?? No, no, NO!!!
You should stop playin Lashawn…You play too much!! And all the while I thought my bank was messin up my direct deposit.
Ms. Barber, you need to send me my Runaway Slave Check without further delay or me & you, Honey-Chile, shall be on non-speakin terms very soon……..quick, fast, and in a hurry. Yes, I said it.
Oh, what about Kiki? She’s an honorary sista, so don’t be forgettin her, either.
(Yo Kiki, I’m lookin out for you, girl!! And my 17% commission you agreed to…..give it up - I’m having cashflow problems.)
Comment by Beau — 08.11.04 @ 3:04 pm
Truly, a certified member of the “tinfoil hat brigade” Gimme’ a break! Next thing you know, he’ll claim Abraham Lincoln was a slave owner.
Comment by Guy — 08.11.04 @ 3:07 pm
I am so not paying you. But then, you’re a conservative, and all conservatives are already rich, so why are you being paid?
I on the other hand am very poor. I would consider being a liberal if somebody paid me….
mercenaries for equality and justice!!
Comment by Kyle — 08.11.04 @ 3:12 pm
I don’t deny that racism - true racism - still exists. I don’t deny that there are some white people that will immediately see any black person and immediately make prejudgements about him or her.
I also don’t deny that there are some black people that will do the same when seeing a white.
Here’s the whole problem with “racism” - distinct from racism - as framed by the Left.
It’s “institutional” in nature - it’s insidious and hiding in the dark. Inevitably, it means that no one can tell you what it is. Or, that they’ll say that opposition to affirmative action, “diversity”, welfare, etc. is “racist.”
It seems that herein lies the irrational complaints of “racism” from the e-mailer.
Comment by Andrew P. Connors — 08.11.04 @ 3:36 pm
Ever occur to the author of the email that La Shawn Barber is intelligent, thoughtful and capable of governing her own self?
Or, is he simply stereotyping?
Comment by syn — 08.11.04 @ 3:38 pm
LaShawn,
Does this mean that we have to start picking up health insurance and other benefits for you? Alright, how many vacation days a year are you demanding?
Comment by Kiki B. — 08.11.04 @ 3:50 pm
I am sure this person feels real good about “telling you off” Miss Barber, yet somehow though, I think your sarcasm will be lost on this person as indicated from their writing.
Lets see… Black on Black crime, drugs, gang violence, abortion, corruption in the church, illegitimacy, BET and Rap Music etc., etc…
If I am a white, racist, conservative, why would I have to pay off a Black person to supposedly “bash” and divide their own people when most Black people are already doing it themselves at no cost to me?
I’ve noticed that this person never stated that you were wrong in your views Miss Barber, only that you haven’t been as critical of whites, although it isn’t true. Interesting!
Truth cannot be refuted.
Comment by Jerry McClellan — 08.11.04 @ 3:53 pm
Keith Harris,
Interesting premise for a theory, I love that book by Dr. Seuss. I’ve read it to my kids. I think you may be on to something.
Comment by Jerry McClellan — 08.11.04 @ 3:54 pm
Beau,
You know that your pay would go up considerably if only you would set up a website. Simply hangin’ out and talkin’ conservative will only get you so far. You got to get published to bring in the big VWRWC bucks!(That’s Vast White Right Wing Conspiracy for those who don’t take to acronyms)
I guess I could call up some of those evil rich White conservative racists and see about upping your check based on your sharp wit and comedic talents (we all know each other, don’t you know).
Comment by Montie — 08.11.04 @ 3:56 pm
Jerry McClellan,
I like the book too but interestingly enough I have not read it to my kids yet. We are still working on the “Chronicles of Narnia”.
Anyway the books message is that we will, as humans, always find something about someone else that we can discriminate against. If not race then social standing if not that something else.
It is interesting that liberals have cornered the market on highlighting these differences to their advantage.
Comment by Keith Harris — 08.11.04 @ 4:23 pm
Montie - Good question about the age. No explicit indication, but my guess is no older than his 40s.
Roshaunda - Welcome back!
Keith - Welcome to the blog! I can’t tell you how good it feels to hear from fellow BCs.
Beau - Sorry, kid. You’ve got to find a sponsor of your own!
Everyone - Thanks for all the great comments! I don’t want to make a habit of publishing e-mails, but this one really got to me, believe it or not. He e-mailed and I responded. His response was quite long, and he rattled on about blacks still not having an “equal share”, etc., and implied that unless and until whites “give up” their “privileges, the racial divide will remain. In my response, I didn’t talk about the doings of white people, only what blacks should do.
My response wasn’t good enough, so instead of dealing with that, he starts insulting me after I took the time to correspond with him. Ingratitude. He hates my views; that’s the bottom line, and he was looking for an excuse to “go off.”
As always, I appreciate your support!
Comment by La Shawn — 08.11.04 @ 5:21 pm
I have heard it all now:-) I guess I am right behind you since I am a “self hater” also.
The comments “they” make to you are humorous but jaw dropping at the same time. It’s really sad that common sense is so lacking in our society (white, black, yellow, red, green and any other color you want use… all lacking common sense) in the most basic of concepts (responsibility, initiative, hard work, right and wrong, etc.).
All you can say is…even Jesus hit a point when he knew he was not going to get through to the people of Nazareth (his hometown) and the Pharisees and moved on.
Also reminds me of something my grandmother used to say…
“A hard head makes a soft behind”:-)
Comment by Renee — 08.11.04 @ 5:23 pm
La Shawn,
The sarcasm that occassionally drips from your pen is to die for! LOL
It sounds like the emailer has taken a very large gulp of kool-aid from Jesse Jackson’s ilk. It’s the same ole same ole, and I think you just got really tired of it. Quite frankly, I can’t blame you, and I’m glad that you stood up to that person.
BTW, the check is in the mail…
Comment by RepJ — 08.11.04 @ 5:41 pm
It’s nice to see that you’ve finally come around to understand that skin tone dictates thought. Whew.
Comment by Tyler — 08.11.04 @ 6:00 pm
LaShawn, I don’t think you are “payed off” or even “self-hating” since my believe is to address the arguments of the individual as opposed to the character of the individual (unless the character of the individual warrants discussion) I will address this post as such.
On my television show and on the article that was recently published in our local paper, I addressed the issue of “bridging the real black white divide”.
As I have stated before, if one plans to indicate that racism has subsided to a “acceptable level” then one must be willing to prove that to be true.
If one can’t do that, one should stop acting like it has…for example, I have read numerous reports and examined numerous demographic tables that indicate that the gulf in economic and social categories between whites and blacks are virtually identical in many respect to the way that they were when the civil rights act was signed into law.
So by what standard are individuals evaluating the “decline” of racism? Overt acts such as lynching, segregation, etc.? Or the more subversive and difficult to “prove” other than through correlation.
Now you have two position that you can take, one is that racism as a primary variable was never the culprit that caused the disparity between whites and blacks or you can say that racism as a primary variable caused the disparity between whites and blacks.
If you believe in the former, which I think most of you don’t, then the onus is on you who believe in the latter but hold to the concept that racism as a variable has been been mitigated in 2004 have to be able to prove this through data as opposed to anecdotal evidence and rhetoric.
See LaShawn, I don’t think I have ever heard any black, well I take that back, very few blacks state there is not individual accountability, but to imply that individual accountability is the only variable that leads to success does not only contradict virtually every psychological study on child development, and sociological study that one can find.
I stress self-determinism and personal growth. I stress the quest for better than parity performance through entreprenueralship in urban communities. At the same time I recognize the responsibility of the government to correct a sociological system that was formed by over and institutional racism. These aren’t mutually exclusive as you seem to always suggest.
Being that you are a Christian I like to again refer to the story in the Gospel, where John the Baptist was beheaded and Jesus went to pray, the crowd followed him, and even in his moment of personal pain Jesus had compassion on them because they were “as sheep without a sheperd”. Yet they had Roman civic leaders, pharisees and saducees, to govern them and lead them on the appropriate path. But they weren’t getting the job done. Are our leaders on either side of the political equation getting the job done as it relates to race and disparity in America? I don’t believe so.
Alex De Tocquivelle said that this country is great because it is good, and when it ceases to be good it will cease to be great. When has it ever been truly good to the African American in terms of social justice and holistic equality of opportunity?
Comment by HiRez — 08.11.04 @ 6:26 pm
Oops. I’ll tell my husband to cancel that check he just wrote you (he doesn’t allow me to touch the money)
Comment by Ginny — 08.11.04 @ 6:36 pm
New Additions
Say hello to La Shawn. She gets tons more reads than me, so I’m sure my worthless little link won’t…
Trackback by Ginny's Many Words You Shouldn't Live By — 08.11.04 @ 6:39 pm
Welcome to the blog, Ginny!
Hirez - “See LaShawn, I don’t think I have ever heard any black, well I take that back, very few blacks state there is not individual accountability, but to imply that individual accountability is the only variable that leads to success…”
I never wrote nor implied that accountability alone leads to success (and I don’t know anybody who would). I argue that “racism”, whatever it looks like to some in 2004, isn’t a barrier to success. Motivation, drive, talent, initiative, etc., are all factors in one’s level of accomplishment. As a writer, I choose to focus on what blacks can and need to do, rather than on what’s being done to them (which I believe stems more from paranoia than reality).
At the same time I recognize the responsibility of the government to correct a sociological system that was formed by over and institutional racism. These aren’t mutually exclusive as you seem to always suggest.”
What “sociological system” would that be? And how far should the government go to fix this system? If my rights are infringed, as they surely would be as the government takes from one to give to other, what’s my recourse? If schools admit that they have two separate admissions standards based on skin color, for example, that means whites are being discriminated against in favor of “minorities.” Skin color preferences is government “fixing” gone awry. No more “sociological” fixes, thanks.
I argue that the onus is on people like yourself to prove that racism is a barrier to black success in 2004, not on me to prove that it isn’t. I have a higher standard for black folks than that.
Comment by La Shawn — 08.11.04 @ 6:52 pm
I think what some people miss in La Shawn’s comments are…
Even if there is racism, even if there is injustice, that does mean you stop taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. You don’t stop looking for a job because you were layed off or turned down a few times. We spend far to much time complaining and not taking advantage of the hidden opportunites that are in front of us everyday (such as a job that mayt not seem glamourous or pay as much as we want however you never know what will happen when you show that you can do even that job that someone else has turned down). You just never know who is at the other end of that “helping” hand, although it may seem small at first. A great many of our ancestors proved that fact. Booker T. Washington is a prime example. My grand parents and many others before them also).
We (yes we) also have a bad problem with “claiming” racism even when it does not occur (someone besides us got the job, that other student got picked over me, etc.). This has confused what racism really is, and personally most people are just becoming numb to hearing about it (black and white alike). It’s the crying wolf syndrome. We confuse our own personal failures and lack of responsibility with racism and every other injustice. By doing this we hurt not only those who are really victims of racism, but the entire system as a whole.
Also, racism is not the cause of a lot of the negatives going on within our own communties (high crime rates and lack of parental responsibility).
Until we face our own dirty laundry and clean it up, we will never be able to stand up against any real racism that is out there. We all know it happens, it is there but it should never stop us from going on.
Comment by Renee — 08.11.04 @ 7:11 pm
I was just reading an essay at The Revealer by Prof. Kim Pearson, a journalism professor at The College of New Jersey (Black Christians, the Homosexuality Debate, and the American Creed) She laments the possibility that the homosexual marriage debate may drive black Christians into the arms of the Republican party. She throws in a comment by Malcolm X, to the effect that blacks need to set aside their religious differences so they can unite against their common oppressor.
Translation: White racism is still the biggest threat to the black community, and conservatives only want to split the black voting block so as to maintain the status quo of racism and oppression.
As a white man who grew up in the south in those terrible days of the 60’s, and who has seen the genuine improvements that have taken place in race relations generally and in the lives of individual black men and women particularly, I find it very sad that so many liberals are using race-baiting to gain and hold political power. I have come to believe that there are many blacks who simply do not want those old wounds to heal.
Thanks for being such a wonderful breath of fresh air.
Comment by Charlie — 08.11.04 @ 8:20 pm
I am glad that this fellow is spreading the word that La Shawn is out there. It reminds me of what that old time actress said, paraphrasing, “say whatever you want boys, just spell my name right”. The more your message gets out, the better for all.
Comment by Richard — 08.11.04 @ 9:26 pm
Don’t worry La Shawn. I’m readin’ even if I can’t pay you. Ize jus one o dem self hatin black folk jes a steppin an fetchin witcha. Buts my checks ain’t made it through the mail yet.
Write on, Sista Gurl!
(Now where is MY check, my white brethren?
Comment by Marty — 08.11.04 @ 9:43 pm
[…] 04
Dammit, Jeeves
Apparently us eeevil white guys have been paying LaShawn too much to hate herself and it’s all become transparent […]
Pingback by Inoperable Terran » Dammit, Jeeves — 08.12.04 @ 4:36 am
You take Prof. Pearson’s quotation of Malcolm X out of context, Charlie.
Comment by Kathryn Joyce @ The Revealer — 08.12.04 @ 9:50 am
Is this the Malcolm X quote, or something like it?
“We have a common enemy. We have this in common. We have a common oppressor, a common exploiter and a common discriminator. But once we realize that we have a common enemy, then we can unite-on the basis of what we have in common. And what we have foremost in common is that enemy-the white man. He’s an enemy to all of us. I know some of you all think that some of them aren’t enemies. Time will tell.”—– Malcolm X, 1954
This particular quote smacks of racism, IMO. Hey, time has told, X, and time has shown that not all white people are enemies to black people. And do you know what sticks out in my mind about this man? That he is described as a “black Muslim nationalist.” Does that make him an Islamo-fascist?
Comment by RepJ — 08.12.04 @ 10:59 am
I started to write a comment but it got so long that I decided to post it here on my blog. Keep up the good work!
Comment by Alan — 08.12.04 @ 11:12 am
La Shawn, my contribution as a 56 year old Caucasian-American (like my hyphen?) conservative: you may impose the same template to all liberal jaberwocky criticism of conservative positions on race with the Kings Clothes. Got a problem with the actual results of welfare, affirmative- action, “education”, higher miseducation, and all the pathologies produced by white guilt, then you must be attacked and discredited because you are pulling at threads that will unravel the liberal inventions and leave these Orwellian creations naked and vulnerable to ridicule. This type of liberalism is a mental condition not unlike obsesive-compulsive disorder and Stockholm Syndrome. We’ve all got it but it is they who will not deal with it. It is you who gets to pay the price. What’s new?
Comment by james wilson — 08.12.04 @ 12:16 pm
What always burns me about this stuff is, the author (from BEC, not LB) never seems to see the racism inherent in his own words. To paint all white people as racists is, well, racist. The notion that White America is united to keep black folks down… again, racist. I am sure that if I were to make assumptions about this man based on his skin color alone, he would be quick to jump on me with both feet (in a metaphorical way).
He’s right, there is still racism in America. He’ll see a great example by looking into the mirror.
But if liberal policies and programs haven’t removed racism (their goal, no?), then isn’t that all the more reason to try another tactic?
But then, I know I should just try to get on with my day. People like this will never see anything but what they want to see. If I speak up, I’m told I’m a ‘white male’ (though I am not white, IMO) who could never understand and is part of the power elite (though I am waiting for my membership card… I think Kerry-Edwars have mine; we were going to meet for lunch, but I actually stayed to eat my Wendy’s burger and missed the limo that was suppoed to take us elites to the yacht club for the real meal) and should not comment on what I do not know first hand (poverty: check. prejudice: check. working to a better life for me and my [nascent] kids: check. melanin: no-check. Czech: check). But then, a black person who has the right background, but the wrong views, is also not allowed to comment either… which ideology is the hateful, willfully ignorant one again?
But what would I know…
LaShawn, the check will be late this month… us buckra gotta pay the bills; sunscreen alone is a weeks pay in these dog day months…
-SCSIwuzzy
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 08.12.04 @ 1:23 pm
When I was young (in the 70’s) I was sure that by the time my kids were old enough to know what was going on, people would have realized what a self destructive waste of time racism was and we would all have moved on to interesting issues that actually meant something. Unfortunately, with the advent of victim politics, power hungry people have forced us to be obsessed with race rather than setting it aside as the quaint artifact of the past it should be. Heartbreaking really. I’m thrilled to see this site and thought your article was amusing but was saddened that it was necessary.
My husband came here in the early 50’s, a destitute refugee from racism and made a wonderful life for himself and his family by focusing on the possibilities and opportunities, as opposed to his brother, who died prematurely, a miserable angry alcoholic because he couldn’t let it go. It matters what happened in the past, but you can’t move forward until you take responsibility for the present and future. What you write and showcase on this site is so promising for the future of our country. We’re all just people, doing our best to live our lives, do our jobs and raise our families. I hope that soon, young people will stop poisoning themselves with victimology and go forth with optimism and confidence, to make the best life they can for themselves and their families.
Good for you! Ann Blumenthal
Comment by ann blumenthal — 08.12.04 @ 1:54 pm
Montie,
We have problems…..I clearly do not know enough white, conservative VWRWCs, and that’s bad!! Especially considering I’ve spent much time with many a hillbilly and have an authentic redneck (Oklahoman, I hear) - should hear me to the “might be a redneck” stuff. Isn’t that cool? A more authentic southern gentleman than a black man. I proud of me.
Know what else? Used to to feel like a raisin in a bowl of milk at the old military club Rock & Roll and Country Western nights. (I hope none of my hip-hop friends read this) I digress…..big time.
Then again, maybe not - as far as having problems. Both Lashawn & Ambra have recommended I start my own blog, so maybe there’s a trick to cashin in like ventriloquist puppets. They get paid, so why can’t I?
Not to mention, since Lashawn T. Washington is refusing to sponsor me thru Barber’s corner, giving me no crutches to lean on & thus making me accountable to myself, I must ask boldly:
Any white conservative racists wanna pimp me? I’m here for the taking!! Please reply by close of business, Friday, August 20th.
If no takers…uh, Montie…..some help here, please?!! Ya gonna leave me hangin or ya gonna set me up an appointment with your bigot friends? “Yassuh, Massah Montie. I’s a gonna sweep the dirt floor soon.” (Hey, I haven’t lost it!! I memba when I was a slave….the pay sucked, but times are-a-changin. Who-hooo!!! Pimp me, pimp me, pimp me!!)
Comment by Beau — 08.12.04 @ 3:00 pm
[…] wn from her deception by means of an ad hominem attack.
La Shawn writes an entertaining rant in response to all this and ably […]
Pingback by IMAGO VERITATIS — 08.12.04 @ 3:07 pm
(Sorry LaShawn for the upcoming use of the P-word on your site)
Beau,
Since we at CRACWHIP Inc (Conservative RAcist Christian WHIte People) are a non-quota, merit based employer, a few questions before we consider your application to become a thrall to our pimpage:
1). Can you speak both ebonic/street/jive and midwestern broadcast standard english? (any good lackey must be able to blend into phone calls with either the pimpmassas and the unsuspecting masses. A requirment for calling in to talk radio or Err-Amerika)
2). Do you know all of the words to the theme from the Jeffersons? (it is well known that we at CRACWHIP Inc can only relate to black folks through the lense of TV sitcoms created by P****WHIPPED Inc [Progessive Unrealistic SocialiSt WHIte PeoPlE, Democrats] in Hollywood)
3). Since you have expressed an interest in being our puppet, would you prefer to be manipulated by strings from above, or proctologically from behind? (We recomend the former. While latter may be more fun for some members of our group, as we are one big log cabin here, the extra cost of rubber gloves and health insurance isn’t worth it in most cases)
4). Do you look good in heals, fishnet stockings and a boa? (we take out pimping image seriously)
5). Finally, are you willing and able to explain the point of MethodMan and Red to us? (in turn, we will try to explain some of the white trashy program that shares FOX TV with them, like the Simple Life)
Again, we wish to thank you for interest in future servitude, and we encourage you to recomend us to any other persons of color that may also have an interest in being oppressed.
Sincerely, CRACWHIP Inc.
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 08.12.04 @ 4:23 pm
Ironic accusations considering that rich white guy George Soros is pouring money into Barach Obama’s campaign for Senate. Black Democrats know the real money is - liberal white guilt (though they don’t want to admit the puppet strings involved in those connections).
Comment by Russ — 08.12.04 @ 5:08 pm
<---------------Part of the Vast White Right-Wing Conspiracy. As a matter of fact, I'm so much a part of it, who do you think set up Clinton and Monica??
BTW, ROFL SCSI. I'm glad you're on your toes and making Beau fill out an application. Make sure he's the right one for the job. ;-)
Comment by Kiki B. — 08.13.04 @ 1:14 am
All right, how much is this gonna cost me to make it go away?
Comment by kilabe — 08.13.04 @ 4:57 am
Dear Sir or Madam SCSIwuzzy,
You might as well send me my $50,000 signing bonus and membership card right now. Not only am I am man of imPECCABLE taste in clothing, women, and fragrance, but I far exceed your minimum qualifications. To wit, the answer to the each question:
1) Is you crazy? Or shall I say, have you lost your mind? I’m as white as Joseph C. Phillips, as black as Magic Johnson, or his protege Tim Hardaway. I can butcher me some english if I need to communicate with real black people. I aint neva lied.
2) Not only do I know the Jeffersons theme, I also know IT, the Flip Wilson Show theme, AND Sanford & Son…….in spanish. Also, when I was an 8 year old 3rd grader @ Our Lady of Good Council in Brooklyn, I went to the Ed Sullivan Show……..TWICE!!! Sat front row, both times.
3) Strings, thank you very much. What am I, the Governor of New Jersey? But thanks for the offer…….that was mighty white of you.
4) My body is roughly the equivalent of a track athlete, a sprinter (drug free) or any of the smaller NFL cornerbacks, wide recievers, running backs. More specifically, I have GREAT LEGS. Calves to die for….NBA Player Ray Allen calves - straight gangsta. (Was that black or what?) Quads are nothin to sneeze at either.) Gimme that bowtie & pink pumps.
5) Meth & Red? Black trash, white trash, trash is trash. And as I always say, pouring loads of Aunt Jemima on it DON’T make it pancakes.
So, in closing………send me my money & quit playin. And the membership/ATM card, too, ‘fore I have to bust you up……..KIDDING!!
That was my angry negro personification. Just a little extra to entice the selection commitee, as clearly I am the cream of the crop. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
-
Comment by Beau — 08.13.04 @ 8:45 am
All joking aside, you’re on the front lines. May God bless you in your difficult and important ministry.
Comment by mk — 08.13.04 @ 9:22 am
Can’t Take Your Eye Off ‘Em For A Second…
MEMO TO: La Shawn FROM: VRWC SUBJECT: Reduction in Pay Ms. Barber: an issue regarding your job performance has come to our attention. Apparently you have forgotten Clause 4(a) in your employment contract which reads, in part: Pawns of VRWC
Trackback by I love Jet Noise — 08.13.04 @ 10:45 am
Beau,
We at CRACWHIP inc would like to thank you for your time and application. You card, signing bonus and asbestos suit are en route now.
And for the gratuitous crack on our crooked Govenor. I mean, for years I said her was crooked and should get bent, but I didn’t think he’d take it so far as to give up being straight altogether…
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 08.13.04 @ 11:31 am
I’m in…….YES!!! Thank you very much for your monetary support. I shall be a Ventriloquist Dummy Supreme, long as them welfare checks is clearin, dawg - 1st & the 15th. I respectfully ask that you PLEASE don’t be late.
As far as Senorita McGreevey in NJ, I must defer to a something I read many years ago. Was at my girlfriends house prior to our full-time cohabitation, and had forgotten my deodorant.
Therefore, in order to not be a stinky boy, I was forced to use her Secret deodorant, which - by the way - smells pretty good. Hmm….does that make me a girly man? You be quiet.
Anyway, I was like “Yo, this some some good stuff Lillian!!”, then proceeded to read the lable. It said:
STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN - BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN.
I’m just sayin….I ain wanna take no mo cheap shots at da brotha. You feelin me? (Better quit while I’m ahead.)
Goodbye, Sir. And thank you for your support.
Comment by Beau — 08.13.04 @ 11:59 am
Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t make it here all that often - SCSIwuzzy and beau: you’re killing me here! Thank goodness I swallowed my pop before I got to your CRACWHIP comments!
james wilson - don’t you know us white guys aren’t allowed to be hyphenated? Keep that up and we may have to take away your membership card.
-Wayne
Comment by alienintruder — 08.13.04 @ 4:30 pm
Oops! I think I got in trouble, or maybe Beau got me in trouble. Did you tattle?
Comment by Kiki B. — 08.15.04 @ 4:05 am
Kiki,
Me, kiss & tell? Never!!
Ciao…………..(SMILE)
**
Uh, Alien Intruder,
You said “Thank goodness I swallowed my pop”? I could not possibly reply to that knowing my fertile, twisted mind.
Some things are simply better off not said, so I shall save that thought for my next confession. Baaaaad boy!! Bad!!!
See you on another planet, dude.
Comment by Beau — 08.16.04 @ 12:30 pm
ALRIGHT I GET THE POINT! I’ll have a lackey cut a check immediately.
Jeez, you miss one monthly payment…
Comment by Ken Summers — 09.08.04 @ 6:14 pm
It’s all Whitey’s fault
Lock this thought in from the start. La Shawn Barber, now in the District of Columbia, is one of the brightest, best writers out there on the internet. A contributor to Town Hall and other publications, she is also a…
Trackback by weaselteeth.com — 10.31.04 @ 8:00 pm
Girl you better speak the truth! Don’t be triflin and lie. You outta get you money and run! Never look back like a slave running from the plantation.
Comment by j. Greg — 12.22.04 @ 4:59 pm