After an 11-year drinking habit, I stopped on March 18, 1997. Since that time, I’ve never made a big deal out of the fact that I don’t drink anymore. Today, on the eighth anniversary, I want to blog about it.
I clearly remember the night I made the decision. It was a few weeks after I’d finished reading Drinking: A Love Story, by the late Caroline Knapp. Ironically, I had a drink in my hand the entire time I was reading it. Something in me resonated as she described how the love of alcohol ruined relationships and became the great love of her life.
When I was drinking, I thought I was the only one in the world who knew how it felt to be addicted. Oh, woe is me, I used to think. Self-pity reigned, and I pointed fingers at everyone but the person in the mirror. While reading Knapp’s book, it was as if she were inside my head. How does she know? Every drunk thinks nobody knows the trouble he’s seen, every drunk. And as one who’s gone through it, I can spot a “problem drinker” a mile away.
Drinking played an integral part in my desire to stop drinking, but the decision itself was all me (by God’s hand, of course). I didn’t want to wake up hung-over and reeking ever again. No more smuggling and hiding bottles and cans or trying to conceal how much alcohol I was consuming when in the company of others. The compulsion to drink began to weaken. A couple of years ago, I tried to capture the journey to sobriety and its aftermath on paper. It was very difficult to write. The result was “A Sobering Truth.”
Everything happens for a reason, and God’s plan for my life is unfolding as it should. I believe that. I am faithful that he is faithful. He brought Knapp’s book into my life, just as he planted the thought in my head that I needed to stop destroying his temple. Whenever I lament about the past and want to kick myself now, people usually say, “What you’ve gone through makes you the person you are today.” I feel better, and I know it’s the truth.
Still, I wish I could have all those years back.
Congratulations La Shawn and may God continue to guide you.
It is truely amazing what happens when God opens our eyes.
Comment by Renee — 03.18.05 @ 9:52 am
LaShawn,
We all have regrets…But think of the difference you make now, knowing what people who have a drinking problem face. You know the pitfalls, you know the angst….You help them when you talk about it, they know others feel it, just like you knew it when you read Caroline Knapps book.
I truly believe you are blessed. You help enlighten people with your blog on many topics, including alcohol addiction. Keep up the good work, and keep faith….Keep strong. I’m praying for you!
Dan
Comment by Dan — 03.18.05 @ 9:53 am
Congrats LaShawn!
I can relate about wanting all those years back.
I was an active bulimic from spring of 1986-fall of 2003.
While I’m sure I lived in that haze for a reason-I was 16 when I entered and 33 when I left.
While God has blessed me-I still wonder about what might have been.
Comment by annoying litttle twerp — 03.18.05 @ 9:56 am
La Shawn, I can’t even stop eating chocolate cupcakes, so I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to kick that habit. Hang in there, and know that you are greatly admired for your strength of character.
Comment by RedBeard — 03.18.05 @ 10:07 am
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I know that your truth and honesty has touched me and countless others. May God continue to bless you and your work, (AND those who benefit from it!).
Comment by Stone — 03.18.05 @ 10:08 am
LaShawn -
I have read your blog everyday for the past 6 months. I have feel like I know you from reading your thoughts. I had no idea the struggles you have endured. I just finished reading “A Sobering Truth” and I have tears in my eyes. I think about the struggles I deal with as a wife, mother, and as a person in general. Your story is inspiring. I never cease to be amazed when I read about how God works miracles of healing and empowerment in people’s lives. Although I’ve never met you, I love you. Take care.
Comment by Barbara — 03.18.05 @ 10:14 am
Thanks for sharing, La Shawn, and I’m glad you were able to pull yourself away from that lifestyle. May God bless your future endeavors
Comment by RepJ — 03.18.05 @ 10:26 am
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts, especially in a Christian manner.
Could go for months without drinking and would then try to hide a little binge that “wouldn’t hurt anyone”. Would attend AA for a while then let wordly obligations redirect my attention.
Finally accepted my role in the family (as a responsible leader, not just a provider), Christ in my heart, and active concentration.
Now my wife and I pray together and she opens her heart and mind to me like a flower I’d never seen before I admitted I was addicted.
Anyway, enough of my little testimony.
Again, I thank you for the time and energy you invest in this blog. It’s been an inspiration and valuable reminder more than once.
Comment by Michael in MN — 03.18.05 @ 10:30 am
Funny you should bring this up the day after St. Patricks day
Comment by Digger — 03.18.05 @ 10:31 am
Congrats La Shawn!
Though I’ve never had a drinking habit I have up close and personal experiance.
Growing up my father drank, daily. His drinking meant so much to him that I was able to leave home at age 12. I then would split my time living sometimes at a friends home whose family took pity on me and my sisters home.
My dad finally quit drinking about 17 years ago (I’m getting old!), once drinking had ruined his life. He was living with his father, came home drunk, had need to use the rest room, fell in the rest room and broke every finger on both hands in the fall. Imagine being a grown man and your elderly father comes into the rest room, and finds you on the floor in such a condition.
Very little that has happened in my life ever made me happier than when my dad finally, really quit drinking.
Comment by Keith — 03.18.05 @ 10:32 am
Lashawn,
then today is indeed a day to celebrate.
Comment by Carlos — 03.18.05 @ 10:53 am
La Shawn,
Thanks for writing about this. I was also in those shoes many years ago and I really appreciate what you say about looking in the mirror to find where the blame goes. Also your comments about how most problem drinkers believe no one can understand their brand of pain. That was me completely. I have an online friend now who is that way, I will probably have him read your blog today, it may not help, but its always worth a try.
Thanks again.
Comment by Jim — 03.18.05 @ 11:00 am
Congratulations.
Comment by Evon Bachaus — 03.18.05 @ 11:02 am
Thank you for sharing. You are a real a real special woman. You are loved.
Comment by Janelle — 03.18.05 @ 11:14 am
To face addiction squarely and conquer it, is the mark of a strong person. I had a 30 year battle with cigarettes that I finally broke by going cold turkey in 1992 and I made it stick. I estimate that in addition to saving my lungs I saved a minimum of $10,000.00 over these past 13 years. So not only is non- addiction a blessed state, it is a profitable one. Keep up your good work.
Comment by Marlowe Anderson — 03.18.05 @ 11:25 am
Congratulations! My husband is a recovering alcoholic/addict so I have seen the ugly side of it. He went through 3 rehabs and couldn’t let it go. Then I have him 2 weeks notice, and he said that my seriousness that time was the catalyst he needed. He didn’t leave, but he did quit drinking. He didn’t really think he could do it at the time. I quit smoking a week after he quit drinking, but I still want to smoke every now and then. Fortunately, cigarettes have been my only addiction.
Comment by DragonLady — 03.18.05 @ 11:30 am
Congrats on your sobriety, LaShawn.
We all have time we wish we hadn’t wasted. And we all have memories of our own behavior that we wish we didn’t have.
But God is good. As Isaiah says, He has “cast our sins behind his back.” No sense in looking anywhere but forward, where He leads! Nice post.
Comment by The Anchoress — 03.18.05 @ 12:15 pm
A Rip-Roarding Celebration
How do you say “Don’t friggin’ pinch me or I’ll take out your kneecaps” in Gaelic? I have no idea, and I’m not going to take the time to go find an online English to Gaelic translator. All’s I know…
Trackback by Fringe — 03.18.05 @ 12:30 pm
Happy Birthday
Comment by handy — 03.18.05 @ 12:31 pm
La Shawn, I believe that God hardens whom He hardens for His purpose. Thanks be to Him that the sin we commit is never more powerful than the Grace He extends.
The testimony and witness that you have of rescue from a certain death unto certain life will be far reaching and effective and the years and timelessness gained far more than those years could ever have yielded.
Always praying for you, La Shawn.
Rae
Comment by Rae — 03.18.05 @ 12:38 pm
Been there myself! I know that what we went through gives us the “bottom feeling” that made us look up to Jesus! Praise Jesus!
Peace and Joy!
Preacher Bill
Comment by Preacher Bill Feltham — 03.18.05 @ 12:45 pm
Wow, La Shawn. I’m so glad you’re a beacon for God, a megaphone for God. His blessings now and in the future are more than what your “lost years” could ever have been. Thanks for sharing your story.
Comment by FL Mom — 03.18.05 @ 12:51 pm
As always, La Shawn, I want to thank you for your honesty. It’s a true gift to your readers - myself included.
And congratulations on kicking the addiction. It is no small thing.
Peace.
Comment by red — 03.18.05 @ 1:00 pm
Very well done sister! Christ be praised!
Comment by Mark La Roi — 03.18.05 @ 1:07 pm
Congratulations La Shawn. The seed of the decision you made eight years ago has blossomed into such an abundant life. Your example is such a wonderful witness of God’s enduring mercy and amazing grace. Keep up the good work.
Comment by Jeffrey King — 03.18.05 @ 1:23 pm
Good on you LaShawn!! Keep it up!
Comment by Mad Mikey — 03.18.05 @ 1:37 pm
What a mighty God we serve!
“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.” Joel 2:25-26 I pray it for you today,La Shawn!
I read your blog every day and am blessed. Thank you.
Comment by Charlotte — 03.18.05 @ 2:00 pm
In all honesty, words cannot express the amount of love and respect I have for you LaShawn. Your story and your words inspired me to be active in my conservatism, and your words still inspire me today, even though I had read your sobering truth. Keep being transparent and allow others to see how faithful the Lord Jesus Christ has been to you and how powerful His hands are in the lives of those who are willing to submit to Him. Take care and God Bless.
Comment by Aaron — 03.18.05 @ 2:05 pm
La Shawn:
Very, very proud of you. I have four years of sobriety under my belt, so I know how strong you had to be to quit (with some help from You Know Who).
It’s really great that you put all that stuff away! I love it and I love you!
Patrick
Comment by Patrick Hynes — 03.18.05 @ 2:23 pm
This is the only God Iknow….a God who can restore all things! What was meant for evil, God meant for good!
Comment by debbie — 03.18.05 @ 2:57 pm
God bless you Miss Barber.
Comment by Jerry McClellan — 03.18.05 @ 3:13 pm
Way to go! One wonderful day at a time! My anniversary is March 1, 1991. He is so good, all the time!! When you have those pains about the past, see Phillippians 1:6 and know that He will complete the good works He began in you.
Comment by Mark Tapscott — 03.18.05 @ 3:38 pm
“…but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Comment by stan — 03.18.05 @ 3:48 pm
Good for you, LaShawn !!!!
I’m so impressed.
I’ve hated alcohol for years. I was never addicted. I just could never stand the taste of it, but I never told people that because it didn’t sound like a sophisticated enough explanation.
So, I was always looking for more suitable excuse as to why I was refusing offers of liquor.
Thanks to you, I’ve found my explanation of why I don’t drink:
“Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14).
Addicted or not, alcohol (and any other false prophets) interferes with out relationship to the true Lord and Savior. And, you don’t need to be an alcoholic to give it up…..as I’ve discovered.
Comment by Glamchild — 03.18.05 @ 3:54 pm
Happy Birthday!
Mine is the 6th of March. Clean and sober 11 years, which is good since I would not have made it that far still drinking. Life is good….
Comment by Wallace-Midland Texas — 03.18.05 @ 5:28 pm
LB,
You deleted me again. I said I was really proud of you!
Comment by Justin — 03.18.05 @ 7:36 pm
Eight years. A new beginning. I am happy for you. Your example coupled with your courage to speak out WILL save a life somewhere. God bless you.
Comment by Rafael Daniel — 03.18.05 @ 10:15 pm
As one who “put a house up my nose”, I know from whence you speak. I linked to this post on my blog as it speaks to the kind of worldview I promote.
God is Great, in His Majesty, Power, Grace, and Mercy!
Your story was humble and inspiring, a very nice combination!
Comment by CharlyG — 03.19.05 @ 1:21 am
Thank you for sharing your story, you are on my daily reading list and I have always come away impressed. June will be 2 years for me (alcohol and drugs). Keep up the good work and be yourself, you’re awesome.
Comment by Adrian — 03.19.05 @ 2:32 am
You wish you could have those years back because you feel you would do something better with them. Without living those years as you did, you wouldn’t be who you are today. God used your experiences to build you into someone unique that obviously cares about doing His will. Had you not struggled in the past, you may not be where you are in your walk today.
We tend to become complacent in our faith when we lack the trials that force us to rely on God.
Comment by muzikdude — 03.19.05 @ 10:30 am
“Still I wish I could have all those years back.”
Never do that. You are who you are because of them. Without them you would be someone else and we probably wouldn’t like that person as well as we like you.
Mason 18 years and counting.
Comment by Mason — 03.19.05 @ 12:24 pm
There’s nothing to regret–you’re still running the race, it’s not over until your last breath. And you have a successful blog and writing career, too.
Comment by mj — 03.19.05 @ 12:43 pm
My husband and I both quit smoking - cold turkey - over 19 years ago. I had a 3-pack a day habit and he smoked 2 packs a day. During the 80’s I had 3 heart attacks! Addiction is addiction - regardless of the medium, so we can identify with you and rejoice with you in God’s goodness and mercy! Keep on fighting the good fight, LaShawn. You - along with the rest of us - are learning how to be good at ‘ducking and dodging’ those fiery darts by the help of our Father. HOORAY!!
Comment by Francene — 03.19.05 @ 3:29 pm
I needed your post today. Thanks for sharing your story.
My moment of clarity came on November 14, 1994. I was about to loose my job, loose my wife and hurt all those that loved me. Since then God has blessed me with two beautiful daughters, adopted form China; a career, and a loving wife and family. God is good all the time and I am grateful for his grace and love.
You made me smile, remember and be grateful…thanks!!!!
Greg
Comment by Greg — 03.20.05 @ 12:07 am
I know exactly what you mean. I spent 25 years of going out a couple of times a week and getting so drunk I didn’t remember getting home. For some reason I never had a hangover or had a problem getting to work the next day somehow. However, I did get a DUI in 1984. Stopped cold turkey from that and have not had a drink since. Don’t miss it a bit. I can even go out with friends who drink with no problem.
The one thing I did notice is that the times and things that seemed so funny before really aren’t. I can be with people who are falling out over how funny something is and it just seems sad to me now. Was I that way then too?
What a waste of a lot of money and time.
Comment by dick — 03.20.05 @ 12:36 am
Congrats on this big accomplishment. It is something to be proud of. If I ever meet you I will have to remember to buy you a Soda or a Juice.
Keep it up!
Comment by Mustang 23 — 03.20.05 @ 1:35 am
Congratulations to you. I’ve been sober now for over 20 years. It wasn’t easy because I have multiple personality disorder so this complicated my recovery because I/we thought the problems would end with the drinking.
Little did I know how big my problems really were until I started in recovery just 6 years ago.
Now I realize I’m blessed and can stop and smell the roses a bit more, be an outstanding parent and revolutionary grandparent because I’m not making the extremely stupid decisions I used to make when I drank.
Sobriety rocks, LB. Life is exciting enough just the way it comes without reaching for the old bottle to liven things up. Makes me want a drink.
I guess the wound never really heals, you just get better at ignorning the pain it causes…
Comment by Clint Lovell — 03.20.05 @ 4:13 pm
I thank you and say congratulations for choosing to take the power that was in your hands all the time.
I’m sure was not easy, but I think your blog and writings are pretty impressive.
Congratulations!
Comment by Byron R. — 03.20.05 @ 6:59 pm
God writes straight with crooked lines
Comment by Miriam Sawyer — 03.20.05 @ 9:34 pm
Happy birthday LB!
Don’t look back with regrets or sorrow. Do look back from time to time for a comparison of the difference in the quality of your life. The contrast between then and now is the greatest motivator imaginable!
My AA birthday is 9/12/86 and it just keeps getting better.
Comment by Rancher — 03.21.05 @ 3:54 am
Belated Congratulations! We can’t get those wasted years back, but God can most surely redeem them.
grace & blessings to you,
Feeble
Comment by Feeble Knees — 03.21.05 @ 2:41 pm
Dan Rather used to say “Courage” for no apparent reason but you have actually given us an example of it. Congratulations!
Comment by Mal Kline — 03.22.05 @ 8:11 am
I was looking on amazon last night and to my shock and horror caroline knapp had died at 42! I felt like I had lived her life when I read the book 4 years ago, good for you, only a fellow alcoholic knows the embarrassment and pain of reeking of alcohol and watching yourself fall into the bottle day after day, bless you, I am still reeling from her early death.
Comment by angela — 03.24.05 @ 4:06 pm