Whenever I tell men that I’m a “traditional” woman, they laugh. Yeah, right! They see a modern, outspoken, ambitious, professional woman supporting herself and taking risks.
They assume I’ve chosen this life over that of wife and mother. I explain to them that since I’m unmarried, I must support myself. Who else is going to do it? With no children, I don’t have to worry about starving them if my entrepreneurial ventures fail, so I can afford the risk. And my ambition is an effort to make a contribution to the world and create something of value.
The kind of man I’d marry would want his wife to stay home and raise his children instead of committing them to the institutionalized “care” of people who couldn’t possibly care for them as much as I could or know them half as well, while he works outside the home. My roles would be godly wife, partner, homemaker, teacher (for homeschooling), and whatever else God assigned. If I expect my husband to be the main breadwinner, he’ll have certain expectations of me.
Too often women say they want to be treated a certain way by men but consider reciprocal treatment “old-fashioned” or beneath them or contrary to feminism. Hogwash. Throw that out with the rest of the trash.
I was delighted to read another good article by Darryl James, “Chivalry & Tradition”:
[F]eminism taught women that displays of chivalry were, in many ways demeaning and condescending. The new idea was that since men did not hold doors for each other, why would they do so for any other equal? The image of the chivalrous man protecting the weaker “damsel in distress” did not fit well with the evolving image of the woman as equal, strong and independent.Strangely, many people today who speak of chivalry and tradition frequently fail to spell out the woman’s obligations during the medieval institution, and in many ways romanticize yesterday’s chivalry far deeper than the post-Crusade poets. The newer romanticized version has recreated the woman’s role, so that she is far less than weak or in distress, but still deserving of favorable treatment, specifically when it comes to who will pay for dinner.
In short, after an arduous program of attacking and seeking to re-write both chivalry and tradition, today’s so-called “modern” woman is now attacking men for moving away from so-called “old-fashioned” standards. Now, let me bring this thing home: The truly sad part for African Americans is that neither the historic nor the romanticized versions of tradition debated in most of today’s open forums actually belong to us.
The whole article is refreshing, especially coming from a black man. About my marital state: While I love to write and hope I never have to give it up, it would be a distant second if I were married with children. If I managed to squeeze in a tiny bit of writing time, it would be icing on an already rich cake.
Hope this gets thru!!
I think the main problem with feminism is something common to almost all -isms. It makes a value judgment where it probably doesn’t mean to. While nobly fighting against those who would say what women can’t do, it unintentionally (i will give benefit of the doubt) demeans the role of homemaker and child-rearer as a substandard lifestyle.
Comment by Horatio — 06.22.05 @ 9:52 am
I hold the door for men as well as for women. Gentlemen do that. I also deferred a desire for new cars and abandoned recreational flying so that my wife could stay with our children.
I am glad, 50 years later, that I did.
Comment by Walter E. Wallis — 06.22.05 @ 10:12 am
Just yesterday I said thank-you to a young man [he looked about junior high age] who held the door open for me as I carried packages into the Post Office. He looked surprised.
Comment by Evon Bachaus — 06.22.05 @ 10:33 am
I enjoyed reading this.
I don’t know how Michelle Malkin does it (she doesn’t allow comments anymore) but she is the entrepreneur with child.
You can make whatever you want out of life as a result of early-feminism. And with a supportive husband who is involved with the kids you can practice your love for writing and odder hours of the day!
For later-feminism ridiculousness, I’ve read the book by Christina Hoff Summers (Who stole feminism) and I recommend it. It isn’t exciting, but it is laden with facts (for liberals to try to understand).
Comment by Baklava — 06.22.05 @ 10:56 am
Awesome, La Shawn! You’ve quite neatly described the life I will lead as soon as my husband takes the Bar exam this summer and lands a job. I can’t wait!!! I’m quite run down by the “work world.”
Comment by LawWife — 06.22.05 @ 11:13 am
To echo Walter Wallis, a buddy of mine had a run-in with a feminist. When he held the door for her, she snippily told him that, ‘You don’t have to do that just because I’m a woman.’
He replied, ‘You’re right. I do it because I’m a gentleman.’
I rather resent the double standard that the feminsts try to apply. They screech that they want equal treatment until they need to be treated like a lady. Fortunately, I think most women don’t fall into this trap. They want to be treated with respect, but still like to know that we men value them as mothers, wives, and sweethearts (if I may use so old-fashioned a phrase).
Comment by docjim505 — 06.22.05 @ 11:34 am
Great post La Shawn. I guess conservatives can be nuanced also
Comment by Jeffrey King — 06.22.05 @ 11:40 am
There is a wonderful book called “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle. However, for singles, looking to get married, she also wrote “The Surredered Single: A Practical Guide To Attracting And Marrying The Man Who’s Right For You”.
Laura Doyle has a website called: surrenderedwife dot com.
I also, highly, recommend “The Rules”.
The Rules work. I know people don’t want to hear that.
Comment by Glamchild — 06.22.05 @ 11:41 am
[…] ditional views on gender rolls, from a perspective of personal application. Read it here: Traditionally Yours. Posted on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005 […]
Pingback by ThreeBadFingers — 06.22.05 @ 11:44 am
Awesome post, LaShawn. My husband and I have been married for almost ten years. We have sacrified so much in that time for me to stay home with our four children.
I think what most of the feminism-hijackers don’t really get is the true difficulty of putting others before yourself. It involves releasing a great deal of pride and some just are not willing to go down that path.
The other problem I see with the modern feminist movement is not that they want EQUALITY.. but rather what they crave and demand is SUPERIORITY. Therein falls the contradiction of wanting the independence and demanding chivalry as if men are mind-readers.
You don’t just get respect by demanding it — it must be earned. The trend of beating down men in order to build women up isn’t helping anything.
Comment by jae — 06.22.05 @ 12:12 pm
Docjim505, that story makes me smile, because when I was about 10 or 11 my father told me the exact same thing after I questioned him for holding the door for a rather nasty woman. The lesson has stuck with me my whole life, and I’ve tried to pass it on to my own two sons.
Comment by RedBeard — 06.22.05 @ 12:31 pm
Kinda like Family Guy last night, where he had the sensitivity training and his wife got in a fight with the radical feminist for saying she didn’t have a valid female life because she was a stay at home mom without a career.
Comment by Dell Gines — 06.22.05 @ 12:37 pm
I want to do the same thing you want to do LaShawn
Though, I already have a man in my life who agrees with my choices (Wasn’t at first, but God got him).
In regards to my thoughts on Feminism, Homemaking, Homeschooling and being traditional/”old fashioned”, I have them littered thoughout my blog. (”Old Fashioness”: January 28; Feminism: January 17, February 15; Homemaking: May 30, June 13; Homeschooling: May 13, May 30)
Good luck and God bless
Comment by Jade — 06.22.05 @ 1:01 pm
It’s so refreshing to find a woman who will allow a man to actually be a man! Opening doors, making his family finacially secure (as opposed to the new trend of stay-at-home-dads…yuck), paying for dinner, etc;
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.22.05 @ 1:42 pm
I imagine LaShawn’s ‘man’ coming about through the “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” scenario–without the fornication, of course.
Comment by Alex — 06.22.05 @ 1:54 pm
“… (as opposed to the new trend of stay-at-home-dads…yuck)…”
Amen to that Mark.
Comment by Jerry McClellan — 06.22.05 @ 1:55 pm
What is wrong with “stay-at-home” fathers?
Hypothetical: would you have a problem with a Christian family in which the wife works outside the home as primary breadwinner, and the father stays at home to homeschool the children? I thought all that really mattered was that one parent “stay home and raise his children instead committing them to the institutionalized “care†of people who couldn’t possibly care for them as much as I could or know them half as well.”
What is the point: that one parent stay at home, or must that parent be the woman? If so, is this ordained by God, or just tradition (obviously with some basis in biology)?
Comment by jab — 06.22.05 @ 2:22 pm
jab, don’t you ever have anything agreeable to say? Must you always be contrary?
Comment by La Shawn — 06.22.05 @ 2:27 pm
I’ve been sniped at for both holding open doors and for offering my Metro seat to a lady (or at least a lady until she proved otherwise). It hasn’t stopped me from doing it, I just cringe afterwards until I got a reaction. The vast majority of the time it is a smile and a “thank you”. I’m proud to say my children, son and daughters, look back when they walk through doors too, just to make sure.
“Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together.” Or something like that.
Semper Fi
Comment by RickM — 06.22.05 @ 2:28 pm
Well, I’d never want to be a stay-at-home dad. I guess I see nothing wrong with the traditional approach. A friend’s wife left her job because it was cheaper to stay home rather than pay for daycare. But the reality is that a lot of people just don’t make the kind of money that would allow them the freedom to choose that. I know I don’t - not in California. I’m doing everything I can to keep from paying $2000 a month for rent. Not to mention two cars, student loans and a host of other things. It won’t happen in my house. And I don’t think my girl would want to - she’s made it clear that she has no intentions of being a full-time mom. But if we could afford it, I wouldn’t be against it.
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 2:29 pm
jab,
mean aren’t built to stay home. God created us to go out and hunt/gather to provide for our families. Moms stay home and take care of the household because women are more attentive to detail, provide the heart of character for the home, are more sensitive to the personal characteristics of their children thus better able to raise them in the way they should go than dads, and other reasons.
When men stay home we subvert our natural inclinations to go out and conquer, and women in the work force WITH HUSBADNS AT HOME are forced to subvert theirs as well. Lots of single women in the work force don’t enjoy the rat race either. Note I said lots, not ALL.
Look what happened when King David stayed home.
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.22.05 @ 3:01 pm
La Shawn,
I don’t think you’re being very fair to Jab. He/She (I can’t tell) merely posed a question in response to a value judgment made by Mark and echoed by Jerry. Jab never made such a judgment. I question that it is possible to be “contrary” in the absense of judgment. If anyone is contrary, it is Mark and Jerry in their judgment.
Comment by Horatio — 06.22.05 @ 3:04 pm
If we could only clone you, La Shawn!
Comment by Mark Slater — 06.22.05 @ 3:10 pm
Reply #21: Man, I have to agree with you 100%. I have a 3 years stepdausghter and I’m thinking, teach her math, teach her how to fight, hot to recognize and stay way from filthy little boys, develop and ear for Barry White and the Dramatics and earn a scholorship to USC so stepdad can get free football season passes. Although I find myself baking cookies, dressig up as Snow White and dancing to Disney movie theme songs, I leave it up to mom to handle those mothering skills. I
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 3:36 pm
La Shawn, very thought-provoking post.
“Look what happened when King David stayed home.” LOL…Seriously, though, he wasn’t out where he knew he was supposed to be.
Back to the point–I disagree with anything that “classes” people, whether it be feminism or anti-feminism. I also think we have a difficult societal situation, between the breakdown of the public school system, the rising cost of living, the demands on *everyone’s* time, and the unusual isolationism of the “traditional” family since the Industrial Revolution (ie, extended family no longer considered a part of the “nuclear” family). I think every family has to work out for themselves what is best for their situation, whether it is the father staying at home with the children, the mother doing so, placing children in a homeschool cooperative–the list goes on. But the shame of it all is that our society is simply antagonistic toward the family (possibly only due to default, where other priorities are more important), whether it is corporate culture that is responsible (the 40-hour work week is no longer in existence), the MSM (thanks, Britney), etc…
Okay, I’m off my soap box, and yes, I feel much better.
Comment by Stephanie — 06.22.05 @ 3:37 pm
Mark,
How many stereotypes can you cram in one post?
Seriously though, maybe most men fit that description, but many do not. Maybe most women fit that description, but many do not. Here’s a revolutionary idea: How about we let individual families decide the best division of labor that honors the actual gifts and talents of those family members… Why must there be a one-size-fits-all prescription?
In any case, how much of those stereotypical gender roles are based in biology versus mere tradition? I agree biology plays a big role, but there is also plenty of natural variation from person to person. If a particular husband is more nuturing and his wife is more ambitious and career-oriented, then those roles may be reversed. SO WHAT… it does not dishonor God in any way, nor does that betray his design.
LaShawn,
Here is something I agree with you on: I do think its best to have one parent home to raise the kids, for many of the reasons you stated. My only point of contention is that I don’t think it should break down along gender lines like that… maybe most men want to be the breadwinners, and most women want to be the caregivers… but in many cases, it’s the reverse. I don’t think that betrays God’s design one bit.
Comment by jab — 06.22.05 @ 4:27 pm
I wonder why feminists are so bent on vilifying every woman who wants to stay home. I try to teach my female students that they should get the education and skills necessary to not have to depend on a man, but that staying at home is a reputable choice as well.
Why do the stay-at-home’s have to get such a bad rap?
I know how hard they work. It is totally a full time job. I wonder how many additional women would stay at home if there was a significant tax credit involved?
Comment by Chris Roberts — 06.22.05 @ 4:37 pm
Fantastic post, LaShawn. I’ll have to read the gentleman’s article later tonight.
I must say, it’s horribly frustrating to hear folks berating my (single) girlfriends and me for having gone to and graduated from college (usually with honors), for having jobs or careers, but still wanting to marry, still waiting for the man God created for us. “Well, if you want THAT, why did you go to college? Why do you work?” Well, hello, we need to support ourselves! Some people just don’t think. Because it’s very hard to picture any of us, yourself included, LaShawn, still living at home with Mommy & Daddy! *g*
As far as jab - I have a few of those. I can’t even say ‘God bless America!’ - my regular ’signoff’ - without someone saying something snotty about it. I had to slap back today, but I *am* feeling rather feisty.
Comment by Miss O'Hara — 06.22.05 @ 4:39 pm
Chris, I don’t think women choose to stay home or not stay home based on its credit worthiness. I think most families just make the decision that works best for their family. Some women may want to stay home but economics may not allow it. Other women may not be interested in it at all (my girl is one them). Then there are some who can afford to stay home and choose to do so, and then there are others who could afford to do it opt not to. I here people say society doesn’t value stay-at-home moms… blah blah blah. Most people don’t care. I’m not going to worry about what other people do when I have my own family to take care of. I would never stay at home with my kids, but that is my choice - and I can’t afford it.
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 4:45 pm
Reply to Glamchild (comment #8):
If a guy knows that he should act according to The Rules, then I guess, yes, they work. But if a guy doesn’t pursue a woman based on X set of behaviors, then woman who thinks she will be able to accurately interpret guy’s actions from criteria found in “theory and praxis of X” will be sadly disappointed. She will assign a meaning to his behavior that is not there, that he never intended, or that is the wrong meaning (he’s intending for her to understand something else).
Lots of guys are scared and don’t make a move because they don’t want to make the wrong one. We’ve berated them for so many years that they think that no matter what they do, it will be the ineffective or the offensive thing to do.
I feel for ya, guys. It’s tough negotiating relationships…
To the topic at hand…thanks LaShawn for posting this. Just because I’m dressed in an outfit appropriate for the corporate world doesn’t mean I wouldn’t trade in my jacket and skirt set for a sundress, a baby on my hip, and “Queen of the Home” crown on my head. If and when some fabulous Christian man and I meet and begin to love each other and decide to marry, I can flee the rat race. But I’m not going to marry just any Joe Christian so’s I can rush to fulfill that traditional role for the sake of fulfilling the role. THAT sounds like Pharisaism to me. How ’bout y’all? The role is merely a TOOL, folks. Who the person is (character and personality) and HOW he or she fulfills a role is more important than the role. (The role is still important, but let’s get our priorities straight here.)
Comment by Elena — 06.22.05 @ 4:49 pm
Oh dear Lord,
I find myself agreeing with Jab…
I think someone should be home with the children. If the father has the temperment (and most well adjusted people if they don’t, can acquire it) to stay and raise the children, and the mother can put more cash in the bank account, have at it. I think men may be inclined to a different style that mothers (telling the kids to suck it up, rather than coddling them), but it is still a valid one.
Personally, if I could find a woman who made more than me, and was willing to be the bread winner, I’d stay at home with the kids. But then, I also used to work in a day care center…
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 06.22.05 @ 5:06 pm
Reply to #30: You are so right about the rules. No one knows you better than you. And if you don’t know “you”, then you should take some time out to get to know “you” before pursing a husband who has to get to the “you” that you know nothing about. If that makes sense. I’ve had women test me, critique me, quiz me, interrogate me, assess me and never ask, “this is what I need can you give that to me” and “this is what I can give, will that fulfill your needs?” You don’t need a rules book if you approach dating as a means to build a friendship rather than putting an entertainment system together.
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 5:20 pm
A neighbor’s wife in high in a corporate structure, while he has a profession he can follow at home. They have three beautiful children who can attend Palo Alto schools because of their family situation.
Comment by Walter E. Wallis — 06.22.05 @ 5:20 pm
It’s amazing that men and women stuck to traditional roles (men hunting and women gathering, men protecting and women nurturing) for thousands of years, but in just the last 40 years of our history we have been told that it’s not only impossible to live that way, but that the traditional way is deserving of daily ridicule.
Which is the unnatural system, the one that worked from time immemorial until the mid-1960s, or the one we’ve had in place for just the last 40 years or so?
Comment by RedBeard — 06.22.05 @ 5:45 pm
Before I got married, I had like five freelance gigs going on at the same time, and my husband was also freelancing, and sleeping in his closet because his office was in the main area of the apartment. I thought that was cool, and he thought that my work situation was fine, too, so the point is that someone will come along and like you just the way you are.
Comment by mj — 06.22.05 @ 6:07 pm
James,
I was pondering the idea that more women would stay home if there was more financial incentive to do so. I don’t think the decision to stay home is totally money driven, but it was just something I was thinking.
I have the same situation as you, my wife is not interested in staying at home, unless I was playing the lottery and won a few million…
Comment by Chris Roberts — 06.22.05 @ 6:25 pm
Chris
I see what you are saying. I feel you about the Lotto. If I win I’m staying home… I’d just have to give my girl large enough limit on the credit card to keep her out of the house. It may sound bad but the idea of spending every waking hour with the family does not appeal to me. I really don’t see why women would want to stay home - then home school the kids. You’d never get a break. But, with a few millions I could send the kids to school, the wife to the mall and I could fly to Vegas to play golf and be back in time to watch Snow White for the 743rd time.
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 6:33 pm
“My only point of contention is that I don’t think it should break down along gender lines like that… maybe most men want to be the breadwinners, and most women want to be the caregivers… but in many cases, it’s the reverse. I don’t think that betrays God’s design one bit.”
~I know that your comment wasn’t to me in this, but it helps to bring it up in my explanation. Understand that I’m not saying what I’m about to say in antagonism, ok? It doesn’t matter what you think about some things. It doesn’t matter what I think about some things. Some things just are. Logic dictates that if you do something that is in opposition to what God planned, then it must betray His design.
If the boss says group a puts widgets on the conveyer, group b adds a widget spout, and group c boxes them, and somebody from group c decides to put widgets on the belt, he has betrayed the boss’s design no matter how well intentioned he (or she) may have been.
Yes, I do know that some men are good nurtures, and some women are not. That does not change the principle in any way though.
If a man is at home because he has managed to find a career that allows it, that’s a different situation. Although even then it makes for a better man/woman relationship if he gets out of the house on a regular basis because men are equipped in their personality to go out and accomplish.
If a man is at home because he is living off the sweat of his wife’s brow, he needs to get his happy, nurturing butt in gear and go get a job.
If a man and woman are married and have no kids, then I think her decision to work should be optional. He should be the major breadwinner from the start though, so that she doesn’t HAVE to work a job to support the house if she doesn’t want to. (Though like all people, she should keep herself busy in some worthwhile pursuit. See Proverbs 31)
Once the children come though, a man should be doing everything in his power to allow his wife time to do the most difficult, time-consuming job any human will ever do: create life and shape the next generation.
Is it always possible for mom to stay home? No. Is it desirable? Oh yeah. A godly wife is a jewel and a gift from God. I won’t ride her back.
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.22.05 @ 6:50 pm
I don’t know about feminism: wouldn’t the polite thing to do would be to hold the door for whoever’s behind you?
A godly wife is a jewel and a gift from God? That’s for sure!
Comment by Steven J. Kelso Sr. — 06.22.05 @ 7:00 pm
Mark -
I agree with you for the most part but I have to make exception to one point you made. If there are no children involved then a woman has no reason to stay home. She needs to get a job. She has no option. What good reason would she have to sit at home all day and do damn near nothing, because she’s a wife? Not good enough as far as I’m concerned. A woman won’t sit around and watch Oprah and The People’s Court because I put a ring on her finger.
Wife: We’re married now, I’m quiting my job.
Husband: The hell you will.
Wife: I shouldn’t have to work. It’s your job to take of the wife.
Husband: The hell I will.
Wife: As a woman of God, I should have the option of not working.
Husband: Only if you want the option of not eating.
Wife: You’re not taking your responsibility as a man serious.
Husband: But what I will do is take your name off of the bank account and the lease. Now quit your job if you want to.
That’s how the conversation would go in my house
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 7:14 pm
JM,
that’s why I made sure to include
“(Though like all people, she should keep herself busy in some worthwhile pursuit. See Proverbs 31)”
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.22.05 @ 7:40 pm
Mark -
OK. But I just want a paycheck to be the result of that worthwhile pursuit.
(see student loan account *******411 & car note account ******921)
Comment by James Manning — 06.22.05 @ 7:47 pm
Mark,
So, aside from historical precedent that women do the house hold gig, why do you feel that men should not?
Anything in the Bible, or anything?
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 06.22.05 @ 8:10 pm
Good post. But The Surrendered Wife is hogwash and The Rules are just game-playing. You can do better.
I made no mention of “The Rules.” That was a conversation between some of the commenters. - Admin
Comment by Rachel Cohen — 06.22.05 @ 8:39 pm
I think it would be revolutionary if you took your entrepeneurial efforts to Iraq and joined our military in the War on Terror. You’d have great benefits, and with access to the internet, you could blog from Iraq. Liberals would not know what hit them. No one could say you were selfish, because you would be taking care of yourself and your country, and you didn’t have a family to worr about. What you did have to worry about was the safety of Americans, and you’d be a true conservative in the eyes of Thomas Jefferson:
“Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.â€
Comment by larry hughes — 06.22.05 @ 9:31 pm
Elena: The Rules are based on traditional social graces. La Shawn wants a traditional relationship; and therefore has every right to expect a traditional courtship—which is what the Rules is/are? (plural or singular?)…… about.
If guys are too scared to follow traditional- social/gentlemanly graces……that’s their problem, not La Shawn’s.
Men pursue, and women respond. That’s how it works. That’s how it’s been since the beginning of time.
There are always exceptions that are successful. But the topic, here, is on tradition….and that means The Rules, and the Surrendered Wife/Surrendered Single.
Men are the hunter-gatherers, and women are the selectors. The women select from a range of suitors that have correctly pursued them. That’s the pattern of traditional courtship.
Unless I’m mistaken, that’s what La Shawn wants, when she speaks of being a traditional woman.
Comment by glamchild — 06.22.05 @ 10:01 pm
I grew up in a household with a stay-at-home dad while my mom was the “breadwinner.” However, they didn’t start out that way. My dad was the breadwinner for the first 10 years they were married. He was aircraft maintenance for Boeing, and they moved around a lot because he got hit in every layoff. Last time was in 1963. They moved back to Arkansas, and then my dad started talking about moving to Texas to find another aircraft job. My mom said she wasn’t moving anymore, and got a job at the “cotton mill” where she worked for the next 21 years until the mill closed. (I was 15 by then.) In the end, I don’t think it mattered that it was my dad home instead of my mom, because I had adult supervision all the time. Way more than I wanted, but not as much as I needed.
Now I am the “breadwinner” and my husband is the stay-at-home dad. In our case, the reason is that I have a college degree, and can make over 3 times the salary he could. We don’t homeschool per se, but we know what they kids are being taught in school, and correct or expound as necessary. I don’t consider myself a feminist. I know I can’t physically do as much as men can (in general). Our situation is economic. Of course I also hate to cook, and the hubby doesn’t mind. We have generally split the household chores up based on what we hate the least. He does the cooking, washes the dishes, vacuums, and cleans the bathrooms. I do the laundry, the gardening, and bathe the dogs.
But there are times, that the hubby would rather be working. Unfortunately, whatever his salary would just go to pay daycare, and ultimately that is why he continues to stay home.
Comment by DragonLady — 06.22.05 @ 10:25 pm
Good topic, La Shawn!
Comment by Mwalimu Daudi — 06.22.05 @ 10:33 pm
It is debatable that the average man would find any sort of fulfillment in raising children full time. There might be a man here, or one there, but just based on job choices alone, men rarely opt to deal with children on a sustained basis.
One need only look at the teaching profession to know that men, when given a career option that deals with kids, really don’t have a natural inclination toward such tasks.
Additionally, one cannot underestimate the bond that forms between woman and child via biology and the child bearing/birthing process. In the wild, mothers rarely, if ever, eat their young, though more than a few male species are not quite so judicious in their appetites.
Further, there are certain things that women become almost obsessive about (cleaning, clothing, appearance products, emotional relationships) that one just does not find in the average man.
All those things that the average man has no interest in are prime components of raising children well. It’s not to say men cannot do a good job, or better than a woman, it’s just that men really don’t care enough.
They don’t care if Jan next door thinks the kids look like raccoons. They don’t care-when shopping in Walmart for a new tv, that some cute hair clips are on sale and might be nice for the daughter. They don’t have the compassionate impulse that comes from realizing that that big headed obnoxious tot was sitting in one’s womb all comfy and better behaved for nine months only a year or two ago.
Testosterone does many things, and one thing it does not do is make for better childrearing, on average.
Comment by Finn — 06.22.05 @ 10:52 pm
LaShawn, you’re beautiful, intelligent, and a celebrity (you’ve been on TV)
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://treyjackson.typepad.com/junction/images/lashawn_1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://treyjackson.typepad.com/junction/2005/03/jacksons_juncti.html&h=153&w=225&sz=12&tbnid=jsZ8cS6oMfAJ:&tbnh=69&tbnw=102&hl=en&start=6&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dlashawn%2Bbarber%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DG
… a good looking Christian man is about to snap you up anyday now. Don’t let the naysayers question your traditional credentials! You’re as Christian, traditional, and beautiful as they come.
Comment by Gretchen Heitz — 06.22.05 @ 11:09 pm
“Mark,
So, aside from historical precedent that women do the house hold gig, why do you feel that men should not?
Anything in the Bible, or anything?”
Scriptural descriptions of households don’t show men being the parent to stay home and nurture the kids. The men are always about going out and serving God, while being sure that their households are well taken care of. The moms are about raising responsible young men and women, running their households (including any servants as well as handling the servants pay), handling the business of the home and giving good advice their men. Godly women have an amazing insight into things and people that I can’t explain, but have seen repeatedly.
It has been said that if a man can’t explain a business deal to his wife’s understanding then he shouldn’t do it, and I agree. We tend to be a bit headstrong, impulsive, and occasionally…well…brutish.
This comes in part from being out there in the daily grind, “fighting” our way through. When wives who are more discerning anyway, look at us and talk to us as we deal with what’s going on, they are better equipped to give us good advice than if the shoe was on the other foot.
In looking at personal and anecdotal experience, I find 100 percent of the time that a man staying home while his wife works has a resentful or unfulfilled spouse. There are many reasons for this, including her innate sense that something is wrong, comments from others about the situation, her desire to be the wife of a provider/supporter/protector, and so on. More than a handful of those situations resulted in an adulterous spouse, and all of those affairs were with men who were more aggressive and outgoing than their husbands.
By and large, men are not equipped to address the needs of their children in the way women are, especially in the emotional realm. Women multi-task better, (I’m using generalities) and aren’t as goal oriented as we are. We tend to think that once the immediate issue is resolved we can send the kids off and go back to the television because we have accomplished our goal. Mom will tell you it ain’t so!
Testosterone drives us to go. Conditioning attempts to tell us to stay, and the resulting confusion produces mixed-up parents and mixed-up kids, wondering what role to fill in life.
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.22.05 @ 11:12 pm
I have to go with tradition here. In a family, the greatest asset are the children. For those who say they can’t afford to have one stay home, especially with day-care age children, I recommend re-evaluating livestyle choices and running the financials — 9 out of 10 will find that it can be done.
Of course it doesn’t help that governmental interference has help drive up the cost of maintaining a household by an order of magnitude compared to what our parents experienced.
Comment by Andy — 06.22.05 @ 11:24 pm
You go, girl! This is my goal also. I generally get the sense that people in the room are dying to say something like, “You went to school to be a doctor and you’re going to stay at home all day?”
Heck, yeah, I wanna stay home! I work with kids all day…I see impaired sick kids from messed up families…I’d like to make sure my kids get the best of what I have to offer–not someone else’s kids.
Comment by PurpleMD — 06.23.05 @ 2:04 am
Bravo!
Just this past Sunday, our pastor preached about how a woman will thrive and flourish under the spritual leadership of a godly husband. My wife and I have had a long journey in this area. She has gone from a career woman, to one who wants to stay home and be more involved with the children God has blessed us with, and we are getting there. For myself, I have learned that being a husband is only just the beginning in the plan that God has for me. I have to be a man, a godly man, especially for my family. Spiritual leadership of a family is one of the most rewarding missions God gives us, a gift that keeps on giving! Unfortunatley this is a lesson that the world will not, cannot teach, but is gained from church and from a home that honors God. I hope and pray that your message reaches many that are struggling with this question.
Comment by Lyn — 06.23.05 @ 7:50 am
My mother was a highly educated lady who chose to devote her talents to rearing a child and managing a household. She could easily have gotten a good job with a major corporation (she had one before getting married), and had she pursued that career path I’m sure we would have had new cars instead of used, a bigger TV, vacations to exotic locales, and a fancy house. But at what price, ultimately? I am forever thankful to my parents for opting for a traditional arrangement.
There is no dollar figure that can be put on having someone there when a kid returns from school, or when the kid is sick and needs to be cared for. There is no amount of money that can compensate for not having someone around all the time for guidance and love.
One of the saddest recent social trends I’ve seen is the bizarre idea of short intervals of “quality time” to be spent with one’s children, as opposed to actually being there for them on an ongoing basis. “Quality time” may temporarily assuage the guilt of busy yuppies who ignore their children the rest of the time, but it’s a fool’s solution.
Comment by RedBeard — 06.23.05 @ 8:38 am
Just have to chime in that women, for the most part, have a natural, God-given talent and desire to be with, and raise, their children. And children need it.
Before I married I had no desire to stay home with my children. Even when I was pregnant, I did not think I would want to stay home. I believed that day care was an adequate substitute.
After the baby came, every thing changed. We (husband and I) realized no could raise our child better than me. We also realized that moms bring something unique that dads just don’t or can’t replicate, and, vice versa, of course.
Okay, we are a couple of lunkheads and it took awhile to for us to figure this out, so LaShawn is already ahead of us on this matter. Congratulations!
At 3 am I can hear one of my children call out. I am instantly awake. When I comment on it to my husband the next morning, his response is “Someone was sick last night?” This is even when he has been awakened by a child’s cry, but he doesn’t completely wake up. He just doesn’t respond the same way. Its not that he doesn’t care or love them or whatever. He’s just not a mother.
And when they are hurt, they just want mommy to kiss it and make it better.
Of course, some women make terrible mothers and some dads can nurture very well. But, most mothers are better at mothering. Just as most dads are better at fathering. And believe me, you need both! And thank God it is this way!
PS: These two lunkheads (husband and I, that is) also found out that boys are different from girls! (Who knew? Well, the whole of mankind for the last couple of milleniums, but I wasn’t buying into any of that!) All it took was having one of each. I never claimed we were the sharpest tools, so be kind.
Comment by Buttercup — 06.23.05 @ 9:03 am
I think that makes me a Modern Woman, so to speak. My husband, works but not as much as I. He cooks, cleans, tends to the boy and generally runs the house. I work.
I would love to be the “wife” and stay at home with our child, but our financial needs dictate that I work. I am just lucky to have found a man willing to take on the tasks I would generally be all too happy to do.
Comment by Oddybobo — 06.23.05 @ 9:09 am
Thank you La Shawn.
God must have been working in me. My wife was a stay at home mom (my daughter is now 7) until this past January. She started working full time but the job has alot of stress.
After reading your post, i told my wife last nite that she can quit her job. I know that God is in control of all things. I am praying to have a good attitude with all of this (it was nice to have some extra money. My daughter and wife are more important than anything money can buy.
Thank you to all of you other posters. You are all in my prayers also.
Comment by Rodger — 06.23.05 @ 10:20 am
Wow, I haven’t been here since last night and there are a lot more post to read. This is a very interesting topic and I think some very good points were made. I do feel that women are better equipped to deal with the emotional needs of children then men are. When my stepdaughter bumps her head or stumps her toe, if I don’t see blood… she’s cool and the only thing I say is, ‘you’ll be aight’. At times that is enough but there are other times when she’ll turn and go screaming for her mother. Just the other night she woke up and some ungodly hour asking for something. I knew she was standing there asking for something but I never opened my eyes. Mom is up in an instant. I still don’t know what it was. Until now it never even dawned on me to ask.
I think it is fine if a woman chooses to stay home and the family has the means to afford it. Yeah, it will mean sacrifice, but if a family is willing to go with less, more power to them.
It will come down to trusting God to provide those needs. But if you’ve lived long enough you soon learn that God can get you past some daunting obstacles.
Comment by James Manning — 06.23.05 @ 11:10 am
I go to an Ivy League university, and I’m constantly surrounded by high-powered ambitious women (I’m one of them - hello law school!). But my friends and I are with you, Lashawn. We want to be the “wives of noble character” that God calls us to be in Proverbs 31, and when we find the One, we’re all ready to be Queen of the Home. =)
Also, just an fyi for anyone who’s interested - there’s a great parenting course called Growing Kids God’s Way. It’s run by an international organization, and it teaches husbands and wives how to have godly homes. Classes are for parents of children of all ages, including ones for while you’re pregnant. It teaches parents what is expected of them in relationship to each other and in relationship to their kids. My mom began taking their classes when I was around 10, and has recently stocked up on their baby parenting books for me (getting a head start). Their insight it amazing - all Biblical. People say children don’t come with a manual. They do!
Comment by Nicole — 06.23.05 @ 12:29 pm
One thing I haven’t seen on this or any other blogs that I habitually haunt is the Bill Gothard Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar. I went to my first seminar in ‘78 and several times after that, the last in ‘87.
I intend to introduce my wife to this seminar the next time the road show comes to town as it will really crystalize the lessons I’ve been teaching her about raising a Godly family, and to be sure, when the kids get older, they’ll be attending this as well.
If you’ve never been to one, you really should check it out as it’s bound to transform you and your family.
WebSource: http://www.billgothard.com/bill/news/basicseminar/
“ What is so transformational about the contents of the seminar? I now understand that the seminar is effective because it explains several of the commands of Christ and how to apply them to daily living. Here are the commands of Christ that are featured in the Basic Seminar.
1. Accepting God’s design in the way He made us (self-acceptance)— “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself†(Matthew 22:39). If we reject and hate ourselves, we will not be able to love God, Who created us, or others who were made in His image.
2. Getting under the protection of God-ordained leaders (response to authority)—“Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth†(Ephesians 6:2–3). It is always right to honor parents; however, if they ask us to do something that is morally wrong, we cannot obey them.
3. Being responsible for our offenses (clear conscience)—“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift†(Matthew 5:23–24).
4. Forgiving those who offend us (suffering)—We are to forgive offenders “seventy times seven.†“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses†(Matthew 6:14–15).
5. Yielding our personal rights (ownership)—“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls†(Matthew 11:29). Meekness is the result of yielding our rights.
6. Engrafting Scripture into our souls (success)—“If ye love me, keep my commandments†(John 14:15). “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you†(John 15:7).
7. Developing levels of maturity (life purpose)—“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you†(Matthew 6:33).“
Comment by Andy — 06.23.05 @ 12:35 pm
After reading some of the posts of some the men, it’s a wonder that your wives leave you alone in the same room with your children…it’s actually quite sad.
I also believe in the roles of mothers and fathers but some of the fathers seem clueless and out of touch..What would you do God forbid, if something happened to your spouses??
If I am reading you wrong then I apologize, but some of the posts mad me cringe while reading them.
Comment by Tiffany In Mpls — 06.23.05 @ 12:38 pm
Right there with you Tiffany.
Comment by SCSIwuzzy — 06.23.05 @ 1:36 pm
Tiffany, I actually changed a diaper once. Just call me a modern man.
Comment by RedBeard — 06.23.05 @ 2:28 pm
Wow! It’s amazing to see Christians posting things like “G-d created men to be hunters and gatherers” - you mean all those evolution dioramas in the Natural History museum are correct?
For most of recorded history, BOTH parents were “home with the kids” - and MOST children were “homeschooled”.
The vast majority of people were either farmers or craftsmen. We still give kids 3 months of school vacation because they used to have to help out during the growing season - remember? Kids had lots of exposure to their fathers, and fathers naturally modeled hard work - and fraternity and community - just by living their lives.
The weaver, potter, and all other craftsmen lived “over the shop” - and kids also helped out, and saw BOTH their parents all the time.
The modern family developed in response to the demands of industrialization - the modern kid-centered family with its “division of labor” is a fairly recent innovation. It developed to provide the extended education and enrichment that is necessary to produce workers who can prosper in modern industrialized economeies - and to raise responsible active citizens of modern democracies.
I am an Orthodox Jew. In our culture, scholarship is honored. We also separate boys and girls in our school systems. This means that I had a lot of very dedicated - and nurturing! - male teachers who modeled a moral, intelligent, and strong masculinity - without grunting, hunting or gathering!!
Such loving male models are sorely lacking for a lot of young men nowadays. Divorce, anti-male “feminist” messages, a social climate where there are no clear cut sex roles, a choice between being a sexual predator or a “metrosexual” - I think nurturing men (nurturing in their own male style) are just what we need more of.
Comment by Ben David — 06.23.05 @ 2:30 pm
Ben, as an Orthodox Jew, does Genesis 3:16 - 19 mean anything to you vis a vis hunter-gatherers? Other than that I concur with your modern family assessment.
Comment by Andy — 06.23.05 @ 3:16 pm
Let me only say that I’ve been shuffling the work/homemaker deck for over two decades (25 years this week!). It can be done, and the price is high. I wanted work, tried homemaking exclusively, and had to return to work, now combined with homemaking and motherhood.
Stick with YOUR plan, girl. If its what is right for you, God will see you through it. If He sees differently, well, he will let you know. And frankly, no one else has an opinion that matters in this except your future husband. Period.
Comment by Pat Baker — 06.23.05 @ 3:18 pm
Jab,
You said: “What is wrong with “stay-at-home†fathers?…If so, is this ordained by God, or just tradition”
Here are some Bible verses dealing with that issue.
¶ Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
{to be} sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Titus 2:3-5
Just FYI. Great topic La Shawn!
The Blogging Boy Scout,
Travis
Comment by Travis — 06.23.05 @ 3:20 pm
Thank you, LaShawn, once again for an excellent, tell-it-like-it-is post. I feel a burden on my heart to educate today’s young women about the choices that are available to them. Living in post-feminist America does not mean that women have no right to choose traditional roles. Unfortunately, the way I see it, the lies of the feminist movement have been revealed. The issue was not about making women equal but about making women superior and men inferior. The most tragic fall-out from this situation has been on our boys who are now academic under-achievers due to liberal, feminist policies even as those who promote such policies continue to ask for more and more anti-boy policies. Just as I want you and I to be free to choose traditional female roles, I would like to see our country supporting men and boys to do the same.
You are awesome, LaShawn and I just hope you never settle for any less of a life than that which God has planned for you. Hold on to your dreams!
Comment by Victoria — 06.23.05 @ 3:31 pm
Praise God! I am so appreciative of you and your post. So many women today preach about independence and having their own career. Many men are too feminized to desire a woman who desires to be a stay at home mother and homeschool teacher. I understand that God does call certain women to a ministry field while they are single, but once married their main purpose, goal and desire should be to become a Godly wife, mother and teacher to their children. Any self ambitions should go to the wayside. A true Christian man should be able to step up to the plate to provide and protect for his family. Any woman would be more than willing to submit to a man who would lay down his life for his wife and children. Stronger men create stronger marriages, stronger marriages create stronger families and stronger families create a stronger America.
God Bless
Comment by Aaron Hankins — 06.23.05 @ 3:50 pm
More on Feminism
LaShawn Barber has posted an excellent, very personal post about her desire to become a traditional wife and mother. I applaud Lashawn's courage in…
Trackback by New Christian Homeschooler's Diary — 06.23.05 @ 4:02 pm
Can someone PLEASE explain to me how a feminist policy anywhere on God’s green earth dictates what you are going to do with your life? You have a mind of your own. Use it. I’m tired of this ‘these feminist are ruining our children’s mind’… bull. I’ve never had a conversation with anyone woman where she felt she was making a decision about her family based on how she would be perceived in society.
And if you are making decisions based on what other people might think of you… then you are WEAK!!! Weak, Weak, Weak - pathetically weak. Get a grip. If you want to stay home with your kids, guess what - NO ONE CARES!!! Post-feminist America… Get out of here with that crap. Women were second-class citizens, and still are in many parts of the world. They fought to change that. Now, if you want to strive to be CEO, its cool. No one dawgs Martha Stewart, Oprah or Condi Rice for choosing careers over family and no one is going to give a hoot if a woman decides to leave the power lunches behind for afternoons in the park watch little Andy eat grasshoppers. It’s your life - DO AS YOU PLEASE - NO ONE CARES!!!
Comment by James Manning — 06.23.05 @ 4:06 pm
Glamchild (re: comment #46): Oh, I’m not knockin’ the traditional roles. I want a marriage that is mostly traditional roles, just like LaShawn does.
I was just saying that The Rules comes across as manipulation, even if the book and its ideas are based on good etiquette and courtesy and politeness. And I was also thinking about the criteria from the book He’s Just Not That Into You, transposed into the Christian worldview (ie. minus the “if-he’s-not-sleeping-with-you,-he’s-just-not-into-you” sort of guidelines). The general principle of “man pursues, woman responds” is good. I believe in that. But what one man’s pursuit of me actually IS, may not be another man’s pursuit of me.
A male friend of mine said that there is no difference in his behavior when his intentions are friendship only from his behavior when his intentions are for dating/romance. The difference is in his desire.
So…I’m saying that some guys, for whatever reason, have trouble translating their intentions into behaviors that accurately communicate said intentions to the woman the guy wants. He may think, “She’ll know I want to date her”; but she may remain confused.
Now, if we gave every available man in America a copy of The Rules and said, “Go by this. I don’t care how contrived your actions will feel to you. You’ll at least get the right message across to the girl you’ve selected to receive your attentions.” We’d ALL have to agree to operate that way.
But…there will be folks who don’t want to.
I’m just saying that formulas are great for math and physics and such but not so great for real people.
Comment by Elena — 06.23.05 @ 4:23 pm
People are complex. I agree. I see both sides of the argument have merits.
Comment by Baklava — 06.23.05 @ 4:28 pm
Mark,
If it’s God’s design/plan that women raise children, while men go out and “hunt/gather” in the workplace, what about women who choose not to marry at all and throw themselves fully into their careers… are they rejecting God’s design for them?
Comment by jab — 06.23.05 @ 6:22 pm
From # 60. “Also, just an fyi for anyone who’s interested - there’s a great parenting course called Growing Kids God’s Way.”
For any one interested you may also want to take a look at Ezzo.info.
Comment by Samantha — 06.23.05 @ 6:31 pm
Very interesting, Samantha. I had no idea that Growing Kids God’s Way was so disputed and considered by many to even be dangerous. All I know is that it made a lot of sense to my mom as she raised my younger brother and me (and she’s been a dream as a parent!), and what she has shared with me about the course sounds totally reasonable.
I will definitely have to explore this further. Thanks for the link!
Comment by Nicole — 06.23.05 @ 8:19 pm
“Mark,
If it’s God’s design/plan that women raise children, while men go out and “hunt/gather†in the workplace, what about women who choose not to marry at all and throw themselves fully into their careers… are they rejecting God’s design for them?
~Possibly, but not necessarily. God gifts some individuals with the ability to remain celibate. These people are the exception to the main though, because it requires a real gift to stay celibate and not go crazy! These men and women should be seeking whatever God’s purpose for them is if it isn’t marrying and raising a family.
Others just haven’t married yet, and they are in no way rejecting God’s plan by not beginning a family without the benefit of marriage. In fact, they’re in obedience to His will by waiting.
People should consider carefully if they are capable of celibacy. If that isn’t God’s plan for them, and they refuse to marry for whatever reason, they make life harder than it ought to be, and they are apparently avoiding God’s plan for them because if He’d wanted them celibate He’d have gifted them for it. This is why it’s scripturally permissible for pastors to marry. Otherwise sexual temptation could lead them to sin, or at least distract them relentlessly.
By the way, I think I know what you meant but just to be clear where I’m coming from, it’s both parents job to raise the children, mom just has the primary time spent with them in her management of the home.
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.23.05 @ 9:44 pm
Anybody remember Wally George and The Wally Rap? Where he goes into a rant about everything that’s wrong circa 1987 while the choir chants “Wally, Wally”. I believe I 1st heard it on Dr. Demento. Anyway, he had a verse about the feminists not wanting the ERA, they want the SRA - Superior Rights Amendment.
Comment by Andy — 06.24.05 @ 1:07 am
It's Good to be Home!
We
made it home from the convention and I'm glad it's over!
Unfortunately, the whole family came down w…
Trackback by Classical Family — 06.24.05 @ 9:00 am
homemade trackback (that’s right, I ain’t figured it out yet! pfft!)
“Who could’ve realized that La Shawn Barber’s declaration of being a traditional woman would result in such conversation! Read her post here, then come back and check out”
http://marklaroi.blogspot.com/2005/06/stay-at-home-dads.html
Comment by Mark La Roi — 06.24.05 @ 12:08 pm
LaShawn, I’m with you most of the way on what you say here. But I do want to put a good word in for the concept of daycare.
My wife and I have a 17-month-old daughter whom we adopted from China in September 2004. Our original plan was for my wife (a cytotechnologist for a medical lab) to become a stay-at-home mom while I (a college professor — which isn’t as lucrative a job as you might think) work and bring home the money. It turns out that for health insurance reasons, we really needed my wife to stay on at her job part time. In order to do that, we put our daughter in day care — for four days out of the week, for four hours at a time.
Being in daycare for this moderate amount of time has done miracles for her social, language, motor, and intellectual skills. Being an adopted kid — who was found abandoned in front of a supermarket at age two weeks and spent her first eight months in a Chinese orphanage — she had a lot of issues with separation anxiety, socialization, language, and fine motor skills. Before daycare, she would cry if we so much as moved two feet away from her.
But now she loves to play with other kids, doesn’t mind not being held all the time, and has a generally happy disposition about life. Her daycare workers have been teaching her numbers and letters and songs; they are no substitute for parents but they know how to do certain things with kids that we don’t.
So I think that daycare (if that’s what you meant by “institutionalized ‘care’”) when used in moderation can be an immensely valuable thing for kids. We’ve certainly had nothing but positive experiences with it, and our girl has developed a lot faster and better because of it.
Comment by Robert — 06.24.05 @ 12:59 pm
Tracking you back manually LaShawn. I linked to this on my blog today. It keeps kicking it back to me.
But I have to say I am living your dream. And it is totally rich. With an awesome husband and six children to homeschool, life couldn’t get much better. And I’m even getting paid a little to write for a homeschool magazine. And that all got going because of my blog. Life is good.
Comment by Spunky — 06.24.05 @ 6:59 pm
Robert, that is a valid reason for a good day care to help develop a child’s social/language skills and assimilate culturally.
Since my work keeps me away from home for months at a time, we’ve used both live-in nannies and daycare depending on what works best for my wife who is a homemaker. We currently have a young male au-pair from Bulgaria who’s been a great help in burning off excess energy from two middle boys, housekeeping, grocery shopping etc.
This gives my wife a few hours of relief each day, between taking care of our 15-month old son as well as enabling her to participate in daily after-school activities in ballet, theatre and music at our local charter school with our older kids.
God willing, I’ve got about another 8 months before I’m thru with the road-warrior routine.
Comment by Andy — 06.24.05 @ 11:25 pm