Excessive pride. I’ve got it, and it’s not pretty. Like most humans, I don’t like admitting weakness, either. It’s Monday afternoon, and I’m recovering from a three-day trip to California. The words drained and sluggish come to mind. This happens to other people, right? Of course it does.
Reasons: I never got used to the time difference, days were long and filled with activities (little time to “come down”), meeting so many new people at once and listening to new ideas put a strain on my brain, such as it is.
It seems like the whole world is moving at normal speed, and I’m walking among the living in slow motion and everyone is a blur. I’m having trouble stringing together coherent thoughts. But here’s a thought I have no problem expressing: I’m angry that the Associated Press reporter who was supposed to interview me for her widely-disseminated story on GodBlogCon decided not to for reasons unknown. AP stories are picked up by various and diverse newspapers all over the world.
My sister says there will be other stories, better stories some day. She’s correct, I’m sure, but I want “some day” to be “now.” Covetousness. Lust. Sins. Despite my grumbling (which vexes God very much), I trust God, and I ought to start showing it. But I admit it. I want to advance the kingdom and receive worldly praise. More sin. Fallen but forgiven.
In my Christian Blogging 101 session, I wanted us to do some self-reflection. As professing Christ-followers, the world is against us, and Satan — yes, Satan, an actual being — will use people and even our own weaknesses to oppose us. He knows I love to “debate” and to be right. When he sends his minions to annoy me day and night, I must call on a power greater than he is, the One who made him. The Enemy is created, just like me, not Creator. Amazingly comforting.
It was good to be around other Christians who wrestle with the same issues I do. My church congregation counts, but being with Christian bloggers is…different. Despite the press of late, blogging is still new and constantly evolving. I still don’t quite know what to expect from all this, and neither do they. I often ask myself, “What am I doing on this thing every day? Can’t I find something better to do?”
Yes I can. I can be a better blogger.
In response to my question, “What have you discovered about yourselves through blogging,” one blogger said he’s learning what it means to be a good Christian. Before the blog, he was focused on being a “good Republican” or “good conservative.” Radical mind-shift.
Weaknesses discovered through blogging? Various answers: the need to be liked, to be recognized as a great writer at the expense of our purpose as Christian bloggers, un-Christ-like responses to commenters, too much passion, too much righteous indignation and too little love and grace. Christians, bloggers and non, must remember that we may be all the “Bible” some people will read. We may be the first “Christ” they’ve ever seen. Are we worthy of such an important mission? Ought we to cease blogging until we know how to get it “right?” Or does allowing the world to see us raw, honest, prideful, stubborn — human — provide an opportunity to witness that much more effectively?
Self-examination is good for the soul, Christian bloggers. Believer, judge thyself!
(Pictured with me is a budding young comedienne and future blogger. 
)
People I met after the convention at Grace Community Church: Fred Butler and Phil Johnson.
GodBlogCon Recaps: Jolly Blogger, Smart Christian round-up, GBC Blog round-up, Mike’s Noise, DJ Chuang, Charmaine Yoest, The A-Team Blog (and thoughts on men and women bloggers), Skye Puppy, Talkwisdom, The Sheep’s Crib, Another Think…
Also see A Ready Defense, Jordan’s View, Writing Write, Just A Woman (What a woman!), Mark Daniels, Voice in the Wilderness, Holy Coast, great interviews at Blogs for Books, B Relevant…
I was interviewed for an upcoming story in this wonderful magazine. I’m glad I found the growing homeschool blogging community.
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LaShawn,
Two questions: First, what would you say to bloggers, specifically women, who become offended by harsh remarks, not only directed toward them, but in general? I’ve seen a few women stop blogging because of this and think it’s a shame. What would you say to encourage them and help equip them to deal with offense?
Also, Do you think the practice of blogging, over time, can be a tool God uses to refine us? I’m asking in response to your comments,
“Ought we to cease blogging until we know how to get it “right?†Or does allowing the world to see us raw, honest, prideful, stubborn — human — provide an opportunity to witness that much more effectively?”
Is is possible that we grow as we go?
If feels weird to voice this aloud, but I think we should pray for our blogging.
Thank you for your thoughts on this.
“It was good to be around other Christians who wrestle with the same issues I do.”
I can’t tell you how much that meant to me as well. Thanks for articulating this here.
Also, I’m very interested to hear your thoughts on Carol’s questions above. Blogging has been an emotional struggle for me at times–I’m not used to people being angry with me! I’ve toughened up some, but I still have to fight my natural impulse to make people happy and make sure they like me.
I wasn’t able to attend your breakout session at the Con because our sessions were at the same time, so I’m looking forward to hearing the recording.
Carol – I guess my response to you is a response to my own questions. Our enemies want to shut us up and tear us down, and they will use our weakest points to do it. Some women (most?) are sensitive about their appearance, to varying degrees, and detrators offering little in the way of argument often attack this area first.
I’ve heard it all, and I haven’t stopped yet. This is where pride and stubborness come in handy. No matter what my critics say about me, THEY WILL NOT SHUT ME DOWN. The women who’ve stopped blogging either caved in to the pressure or decided public blogging wasn’t for them. I say to women and men: first and foremost, you must like/love blogging for the pure act of blogging. Critics will come and go; some readers will hate you, others will want to marry you. I’m determined to share the Gospel on this blog and contribute to the “marketplace of ideas” in general, and the haters will just have to deal with me.
I do believe God is refining us through blogging, and I also believe he wants the world to know that Christians still struggle with sin. This goes back to the title of this post: fallen but forgiven.
And yes, yes, yes…pray for one another!
La Shawn Barber -
It was certainly a pleasure to meet you at GBC this past Friday. And thank you for mentioning The Sheep’s Crib in your post. Very kind!
May the God of Heaven continue to bless you in ways you cannot see or know; may you also continue to be a blessing to others in ways you cannot see or know.
HE ALONE IS WORTHY
John @ The CRIB
It sounds like a truly amazing conference. I really like the idea of reflecting on blogging…I find that I too have pride when it comes to blogging. I can get addicted too easily. But God uses blogging so much for me. He’s opened doors and taught me every day.
I’ve become a better writer, a better speaker, a better debater, and a better Christian.
On a sidenote, I’ve wondered about the relationship between a blogger and his church. I know that was talked about…is there a link to some info on that?
Very interesting and enlightening blog you have here.
I look forward to researching more of your writings.
We may be the first “Christ” they’ve ever seen… I think about that a lot, La Shawn, and not only with respect to my blogging, but my entire life. And it was God’s plan that this is how Christ would be shown to the majority of the world—through our words, our hearts, our lives! I frankly would not have trusted so precious a thing as the Gospel to a meathead like myself, but God has.
Remember 2 Cor. 4:7: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. (NIV)
It was great finally meeting you at GodBlogCon.
La Shawn,
Spenser and I were very disappointed with the schedule change, because we had a family commitment all day Saturday in San Diego and had to miss your session. Spense in particular was all ramped up for your 101 course. Sincerely hope it will be repeated next semester (Aug 06).
By the way, if the blogosphere is left to the men, it is doooooooooomed.
Grace and peace,
Don Bosch
The Evangelical Ecologist
…and NOTHING over at Townhall/C-Log on GodBlogCon? What’s up with THAT?
I wandered into your blog while doing research for a class on blogging for business that I’m giving at an upcoming business conference. Great content, served with wit and wisdom. Wish I’d been at your talk this weekend–especially considering I’m a short freeway hop from its locale. Blessings.
La Shawn:
I kid you not – I did NOT get “jet lagged” in my recent trip to Santa Barbara for my son’s wedding (2 hours delay), during my trip to Russia (9 hours delay) in 2002, or to Eastern Europe (7 hours delay).
Perhaps this is because, for many years, I have been on-call as an anesthesiologist – my schedule is about as irregular as TV cops and soldiers.
Hello LaShawn,
Want to know what you’re doing?..well here’s what you are doing. I watched a rerun of the C-Span program the other night … in the middle of the night as I couldn’t sleep…and soon I wasn’t tired anymore. I was listening intently .. really listening to you and the other panelists speak. I was so impressed. You and the others are making a difference in the lives of many people. You made me think. With God’s help, racial problems will be resolved. Bless you and the others.
By the way I am white, have an 8 year old biracial gdaughter I would lay down my life for. We know we will face racial problems in the future, but ya know what, after listening to the C-Span program, I learned a lot about how to handle them.
I wish I could meet you. If ever in the Kansas City area, the coffee pot will be on for you.
Dianne
Great post, La Shawn. I have been tempted to remove the site meter from my blog for some of the reasons you have mentioned. If there are few visits to my blog, those minions of our enemy try to tell me I’m not writing anything worth reading. My worth cannot come from how many people read what I write, or how they may…or may not…comment, but only as I am obedient to bring glory to God in what ever I do…and trust Him with the results. I have often worried that what I write would either be a stumbling block for others or that I would be misunderstood. It is a step of faith for me to take those risks of doing so even now. I love to read your blog, La Shawn and I am thrilled that you found the homeschooling blogger community, too! Blessings in Christ ~ Patricia
La Shawn,
your honesty is refreshing! I would have felt the same way about the AP article. Looking at what the reporter wrote, I saw no women bloggers quoted and that surely would have added a little more diversity to her story. You never know what a reporter’s dealing with – perhaps the next opportunity you have will be even better!
I would have loved attending the conference but I was at another writer’s conference, teaching. I wrote about it and the GodBlogCon in my post, “The Power of the Written Word.” What’s your thoughts?
LaShawn, this is my first time visiting a “blog”. Not even sure exactly what a blog is. At any rate I saw you on c span and wrote down your blogger site (is that the correct way to call it?). Just want to say how much I enjoyed your comments (and the others too). How refreshing to know that there are growing numbers of blacks that understand the real deal. Hopefully it kind of offset c spans converage of the “millions more” gathering. I look forward to checking out this site on a regular basis. Keep up the good work. I know its not easy. I think black conservatives are a called upon to exhibit and extraodinary level of courage and individuality. With the help of God, we can do it. Not for political reasons, but out of loyalty to God and his standard of righteousness.
Joe
It now occurs to me why, of the tens of thousands of writers in the blogosphere, I read your blog more frequently and in greater detail than any of the others. It’s partly, I suppose, because your opinions reinforce my own, but mainly because you are absolutely honest about the aspects of your own humanity which remain fallen. I see your soul and it is lovely, LaShawn, because you expose its blemishes and ask your Creator to remove them rather than to cover them up.
With regard to Carol’s and Amy Hall’s concerns, when we feel like throwing ourselves a pity party (blog or not, but especially bloggers), just remember some of the hate mail that milbloggers and other bloggers sometimes share with readers. If Michelle Malkin can forge ahead despite the vulgar, venomous mail she gets, then let’s lean on God and push forward as well.
La Shawn,
I think your most powerful posts are your Christian POV posts. Your straight political rants are spot on, but as you realized a few weeks ago, they drain you. Contrarily, when you address social issues in the context of God’s word, it energizes you and us too.
GBC sounds like it was a powerful event. Thanks for sharing the experience with us, and I look forward to follow-up posts.
La Shawn,
I appreciate what you and others have done to chronicle the God Blog Convention.
I had signed up to go, but then had some conflicts, so it’s helpful to read about what you experienced.
There is a temptation toward pride in writing something for the world to see. Recognition brings its own reward, it seems.
There’s a corollary temptation, though, to not write just because of how it opens us up to criticism. I want to be liked (recognized), and I want to be liked (not criticized)–both the same temptation.
Thankfully we’re both “fallen but forgiven”.
Thanks for sharing your life.
Rudy Antle
And hello to #18 Joe! What a blessing that this is the first blog you’ve ever visited.
Be sure to visit the other blogs that La Shawn has linked in the lefthand column. Some will rile you, some will spur deep thought, and some are hilarious satire.
Aarrgh! You know I haven’t wanted to admit this, at least publicly, but I’m having the same pride issues. When I see other bloggers being quoted in the press I sometimes have this little thought – “what about me, I was there too!” Double aarrgghhh – “wretched man that I am, who will save me from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Praise God! What a wonderful blog. As you know, I have a Christian blog and have blogged on subjects similar to this one. I believe that God led me to you, Lashawn and to the knowledge of blogging for a purpose and you helped me to fulfill that purpose. I’m sorry if I ever made you angry in the past. But I had noticed that the one time I commented out of many many other comments (over 100?) you noticed mine and it aroused you enough to think about it and blog a response. God speaks to me and tells me to read your blog every now and then. He tells me when to respond. He has really kept me in the loop with you for some reason or another. I pray for you all the time. Ever since I met you at the World Journalism Conference, you have been on my mind. Why? Maybe you would know better then me. I would like to end this with a quote from my pastor that I blogged, God bless!
“Spirituality is not superiority. It (being a Christian) doesn’t mean we are better then someone else. We are better than the devil (Acts 2:21) We are better than our circumstances (John 16:33) and we are better then our past (2nd Corinthians 5:17). But we are not called by God to be better then others. When you are trying to be superior to others you are in the flesh.”
-Pastor Gregory Dickow
Wow. I have to say, there is so much to be inspired by in this post and in the comments section. I wish i could have attended the GodBlog/Con. Thanks so much for doing what you do. It’s a great encouragement.
BTW- when I noticed the article on CNN earlier and I thought I saw you in the background of the photo they used? here’s the link.
Anywho, thanks again for the honest thoughts.
Hi LaShawn:
During one of the plenary sessions at GodBlodCon, a question was raised about the lack of women bloggers represented, but as one of the few women present, you seem quite unperturbed by the discussion. Someone mentioned the idea that women possibly tend to do more “devotional” type blogging, and I remember hearing you say something to the effect that maybe you could use a little more of those type of links on your blog, and to send them your way
. I admired that you diffused potential controversy with a humble admission of your own need.
The question of what is appropriate self-revelation on a blog was raised at another point during the conference, and Andrew Jackson wisely responded that the blogosphere is probably not the best place to air personal struggles, except in a general way. Yet perhaps more transparency, of the type you’re modeling on your post, is really needed.
It was a pleasure meeting you, and I appreciate your mentioning my blog in your post as well.
Thanks for being “real”. May God continue to shape you, and at the same time, expand your influence.
Alex
LaShawn,
I was reading through the comments on my way to leaving you a comment of my own, when I read Alex’s comment. He said what I wanted to say. Probably better.
Before GBC, you were a link on Hugh Hewitt’s blogroll and words on a screen to me. Good words, but words nonetheless. Now you are a whole person to me, a woman of warmth and a ready smile and a quiet spirit (or was the quietness just the jetlag?).
I want to thank you for baring yourself in this post, because I need the reminders (often) of my weaknesses. Seeing them under your name is like looking into a mirror of my own sins. How terrible it is to see my sins named, but how good God is to give us the reminder that we share both our fallenness and our salvation. We are not alone.
If you’d like a devotional, I’m one of the “Bakers” over at thebreadblog.blogspot.com, and that’s where I do most of my self-baring.
Thanks for your link to my blog. I hope to meet you again in person sometime, maybe at GBC ‘06.
Hey La Shawn,
It was a delight to chat with you at Grace. I wish it could had been longer, but maybe the next time you come to visit your sister. I would love to talk politics.
Thanks for the plug of my blog.
Fred
Hip and Thigh
LaShawn,
Sounds like the Con was great. Your comments were certainly refreshing.
Thanks so much,
Marilynn
Hey La Shawn,
I nominate you as the first woman representative for a panel discussion at the next GodBlogCon 2006!
In Christ,
Christine
Hey LaShawn,
I saw you the other day on CSPAN with Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson and his New Black Vanguard Conference. You did an amazing job. I’m glad you got to go visit Grace Community Church. John MacArthur is amazing. I’m a big fan of his. How is your sister doing there??? I hope things are going well for her. Well, keep up the good work.
Take care and God Bless,
Aaron
Hi LaShawn:
I already commented above, but tonight as I was writing a new post on my blog, I was reminded of this post and I linked to it.
Check it out if you can!
Thanks again for your inspiring words.
In Him,
Alex
I think you’re doing just fine. As long as you remain inspired, relating the good, the bad & ugly would be no different than David pouring out his soul in history’s first recorded blog — The Psalms. Now that’s some mighty big shoes for any modern day Christian to try on, let alone wear.
Likewise, I’d say Paul was a serious NT blogger.
As for seeing the fruits of one’s labor, one may spend a lifetime toiling in the master’s garden and see nothing apparently come of it, yet unbeknownst to them the results are pouring in.
The book “Thru Gates of Splendor” by Elizabeth Elliot may have been around for a few decades, but it will never lose its impact. La Shawn, hopefully sooner than later, you’ll get to meet her on one circuit or another.
Ciao.
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