Like many of you, I’ve been sitting around waiting for someone else to interpret the 100,000 page snow-storm the launched by the office of Kathleen Babineaux Blanco late last week. Fortunately, our man in the field, completely rested from her behind-the-scenes work at the GodBlogCon was able to intercept an incoming email from Blanco’s man behind the curtain:
Received: from alpha.bubbabill.org (alpha.bubbabill.org [127.0.0.1])
by mail.bubbabill.org (8.8.5) id 004A21; Sun, Nov 04 2005 04:36:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Big Kahna <bigkahuna@bubbabill.org>
To: Kathleen Babineaux Blanco <lagov@linknet.net>
Date: Sun, Nov 04 2005 04:36:14 PST
Message-Id: <bigkahuna031897143614-00000298@mail.bubbabill.org>
X-Mailer: Agripak AG-26
Subject: Effective use of victim card – part deux
Way to go Babs!
Even if your latest ‘Blame Bush’ salvo doesn’t rehab your sagging poll numbers, I’ve mentioned to Hillary that it may be ‘diplomatic’ to have a French-speaking Creole team player ’ in 09, if you know what I mean.
I see you took my advice to launch an avalanche of white stuff on the eve of a weekend. Not only did it have the desired effect of keeping the pajama-bloggers and Limbaugh offline, but looks like the WaPo in hopes of beating the NYTimes to the punch just parroted your cover sheet. Cool beans!
That said, now you need to prep for the counter-punch. At some point, someone is going to read all 100,000 pages and realize that you only selected transmissions occurring after the hurricane hit. Let’s hope no one puts together stuff such as your request for your non-Nagin busses occurring after the streets were flooded.
The way to do this is to keep the focus on Bush. Even though it’s not his job to micromanage the details of individual state emergency planning, my eight years in office has trained the public well in thinking the Potus as their ‘Sugar Daddy.’
But enough about me, here are the type of things those knuckle-dragging red-staters might bring up, and here is how you respond:
When they mention mismanagement of the levee funds, ignore indiscretions such as diverting 2.5 million to various Mardi Gras concerns, instead, focus on Bush’s cuts to the Lake Pontchartrain project. Link it all to Iraq if you can … just hope no one realizes that this project, though 90% done since 1965, wasn’t slated for completion until 2010 … and of that, most for a Cat 3 hurricane … But I digress …
BTW, get back to me next week if I don’t offer you some spin for the millions donated – and the millions more in pork headed your way.
Speaking of gimmee, gimmee, gimmee – if and when someone understands your request “to send us everything you’ve got†as a request for Federal resources without Federal oversight, just make an emotional appeal like “while they’re lawyers were busy playing with posse comitatus as a means of making GW look like the hero, we were hard at work emailing requests …†Hopefully the mention of lawyers and legal gibberish will enrage the public and get them to ignore the fact that you could have picked-up the phone anytime – provided GW hadn’t called first.
If blaming GW doesn’t get it done, or if people demand pre-hurricane documents, I suggest placing the blame on that republican-loving ninny Nagin. This tactic is especially important if and when people make the argument that Louisiana was already broken.
For example, if some blogger mentions that LA was 2nd worst in crime, blame it on the murder rate in New Orleans. For good measure, go ahead and throw in the New Orlean’s residency requirement for police officers – the public is usually too dumb to realize the impact of trying to obtain officers from the most crime-ridden neighborhoods.
Likewise, if someone mentions that the LA economy was 2nd to last in GDP, blame the loss of 22,000 residents since 2000 – blame it on Katrina. Seriously! I mean who other than wonks care about growth rates? Even if they do, just deflect their attention to the New Orleans unemployment rate and that meme about people waiting for their welfare checks.
I know it sounds like a lot of blame-shifting, but take it from someone who’s been there and done that, the only way you’re going to shake that the Nation’s worst governors label is to pass the buck, pass the buck, pass the buck.
Oh, while it’s on my mind, make sure you get your employees chargeable hours in order – Hillary can give you more details on how all this works.
One other thing to avoid, next time you do that inauguration thing? Avoid the French speaking thing, at least until we can figure out what to do with the Kerry problem.
xx00
Bubba 1
p.s. – when you get a chance, could you drop in a kind word about me to Mary Landrieu? There’s something so Monica about her that I find irresistible!
