Gosh, I hope I did not implying that I though the numbers were a root cause. I just thought the numbers were interesting. I wrote the 20-year period, but that is not how Census presented. I just wrote it that way because the percent break down was the same in the 25 to 29, 30 to 34, 35 to 44, and the 45 to 54 periods. It only when down hill from there. The other writer wrote that is much worse in some cities.

I certainly think the numbers are interesting, but please do not put me in the category of blaming men and implying they are players, or that black women are sluts.

People face much more complicated realities than that. I truly had no idea black men were dying at such an alarming rate. I have read the stats on black on black crime, but I never thought about the actual death rate, or impact of those deaths on the black community.

Regarding intermarriage, come on I have no problem with that, but let’s be real. Men do the asking not women. If black women’s intermarriage rate has been low, it is because men of other races have not pursued black women at high rates. If that is changing that is great. Of the celebrities that you mentioned all are single.

I have read the comments of beautiful black women who find it hard to find a man. I am going to continue to view the black male death rates as a significant part of the problem, and I am going to continue to pray that the violence ends. I am also going to pray for the end of abortion, the great shame of our day. I will not be praying for greater condom use however, instead I will pray for greater chastity.

In the US population the fact is Asian women are almost statistically insignificant additionally, Asian men out number Asian women, because of infanticide and sex selection abortion. Great white and black men like to marry Asian women. Therefore, black women should do what?

Abortion is a terrible terrible fact, but it does not affect the ratio of male to female, since that does not change until over the age of twenty. Of course, black women should not abort their babies, but that individual woman is faced with a difficult reality and I will not stand in judgment of her. I believe abortion is wrong and should be illegal. I believe in chastity outside of marriage.

As long as black women live in communities where they face great competition for a limited supply of desirable males, we are going to see this tragedy. I am not even going to pretend I know the solution.

Should I are really recommend that women follow my path, 15 years of celibacy, and finally marriage at the age of 39. Really, it is not easy. I am not going to lie. I would much rather have married a good man in my twenties or early thirties. I would rather not know that Lord willing I will be 60 when my daughter is in college.

Enrique I assume you are a man and so you just cannot get it. You do not have a biological clock that starts ticking pretty loud in your thirties. Many women desire to be mothers whether or not they find the right man. That desire is bringing devastation into the lives of single mothers, their children and the larger community.

I am not going to bash black men or women. We just have to admit there is a surplus of black women. It is just one of the many problems that exist in the black community.

More power to the 28 year old who wrote she is waiting for marriage. I have been there and it can be a long wait, I think it is worth the wait, but I understand those who find it too difficult. Of course, when leaning on the Lord nothing is impossible.

I also remain respectful of black men. I do not judge black men by the men I have dated and found wanting. I judge men based on my Father, my uncles, my brothers, my cousins and my friends. I know plenty of great guys. Of course, I have dated some creeps who hasn’t. It is not like they come with warning labels. You just have to have your standards and move on.

Like I wrote before don’t judge men by the losers you had to throw back. )

I’m 28 years old and single and my family keeps asking me when I’m going to have kids. I respond by asking them, do you see my husband?

Agreed in part, although I think the reality is more complicated than that for a number of reasons:

(1) I don’t think black men have the run of the hen house in the way often depicted in popular myth. Sure, there is a numerical surplus, but does said surplus include the most attractive and marriageable women? I am not talking attraction as measured by white looks here. We all know that numerous alternative models of attractive black women are out there, like the tall, athletic Venus and Serena Williams type models, or the tall, curvy (non obese) Queen Latifah, or the other ladies on Destiny’s Child, etc. etc. and they (and others) are in huge demand. Two other things also are a huge factor in the attractiveness for marriage sweepstakes- age and relationship baggage. Bluntly put, childless women under 30 are in much more demand for marriage that those with a string of kids, or those over age 35. In sum, it could be argued that black men DON’T have this easy, “sky’s the limit” time on the “premium” black women, because such women are relatively low in number and in high demand. They know they are in demand, and they are picky, further reducing the field of potential black suitors. There is of course a surplus of OTHER women available to the black “playas” but as far as snagging the “premium” black women, (note- it is not only looks, but things like age and baggage), most black men have their work really cut out for them.

(2)Contrary to popular myth, many black men don’t have an easy “playas” field as regards marriage, because women are looking to marry “up” typically. And that is one of the main problems often cited in black marriage discussions, the shortage of men “up” there. There are plenty of Tyrones hanging out on the street corner, but most women looking for marriage don’t want Tyrone. Sometimes the media paints the picture of all these desperate black women out there, but black women are pickier than some people realize. They aren’t desperately looking for any warm body. So of the 10 to 1 ratio in favor of Tyrone at the party, he may only have a real shot at maybe 2 or 3. The rest might be somewhat less than impressed with “Tyrone” as serious marriage material. In other words, the preferences and choices of black women limit who they will select as marriage partners. Sure there is a raw statistical surplus, but in reality, those female requirements will sift that surplus down to a very small number. Note I am talking marriage material. Obviously if all people are looking for is a quickie, requirements are somewhat lower.

(3) The “problem” of white women or black superstars looking for “trophy” blondes is trivial and insignificant when it comes to marriage. Such unions are not only chump change in the big picture, but the fastest growing segment of interracial unions involves black women. As for the myth that such unions involve all these high powered men fixated on trophy blonde wives, it is bogus. Sure, there are a few examples like Bryan Gumbel some could claim, but the reality of interracial marriages is far different. The bulk of these interracial unions take place in the military, among ordinary soldiers, hardly the “superstar” model seeking “trophy” wives. Notions that white women are “stealing all the good black men” are dubious. At current rates it will take centuries for such women to complete their “evil” work of “theft.” As stated above the percentages involved here are chump change, although they generate a lot of resentment and emotion. To be blunt, there isn’t much of a demand for black men in general outside the race. They ain’t going anyplace soon. The “playas” may brag, but options are limited. Black women in essence have a lock on the black male market, the Gumbel factor notwithstanding.

(4) Black men must stop killing themselves, true, but black women must in turn stop killing off so many males via abortions, and stop giving away their favors so easily. One thing that will help redress the gender imbalance you talk about is for black women to cut down on the number of babies aborted. Less abortions will affect both genders, but they also will allow more male material to be born, allowing more chances to get it right with another male generation. Less abortions also reduce the level of baggage carried by black women, (physical- abortion does carry some health risks and emotional) in turn improving their marriage prospects. The above in no way lets black men off the hook for their responsibilities, but much power to make things better also resides in the hands of black women, if only they would use that power.

Interesting stats, although I think the second stat 25 to 54 ( almost a 20 year span) is misleading for comparison purposes, versus the first stat used in the 20-24 comparison (a 4 year span). I realize you are only reporting the stats from somewhere else, and yes, there is a gap, but I do not think it is an insurmountable one as far as black females looking elsewhere. Asian women seem to be doing quite well on the interracial marriage front (for those who prefer that option), even though the number of available white men in the population is roughly equal to women as you say above.

The key range for comparison is when most women get married. For example we all know most white women get married before age 30, versus black women who don’t show the same pattern as whites. Why? What is happening to black women before age 30 in disproportionate numbers? They are not getting married, they are having out-of-wedlock children. Population numbers are a factor, but behavior is a pretty big factor too. Many don’t like when LaShawn mentions behavior, but it something we can’t sweep under the rug. I am not saying you are, (you obviously are doing no such thing), just making a general statement on the importance of the oft dismissed factors of behavior and culture- dirty words to many in academia and the chattering classes when such issues are discussed.

As for birth control, we have had decades of education in the schools on such with seemingly little effect on out-of-wedlock rates. However, black women are disproportionate users of one form of birth control, abortion, in ratios many times higher than their percentage of the population. Can’t remember the exact stats but I think 30-40% of all abortions involved black women, verus their population representation at around 6%. If white racists were worried by the growth of the black population, then black women are certainly helping to set their minds at ease. See gubment stats here on black rates: http://www.carnellknowledge.com/pdfs/AbortionRates2001.pdf

La Shawn Barber peels back the layers of “Black Marriage”

However, her comments like:

“You stated that black women were raised to find an honorable man to take care of them. I find this conclusion interesting in light of Joy’s article. I would think it’s the exact opposite.”

“…black women do not need (and in many cases want) a man to take care of them. They have acheived financial independence.”

were not tempered as your comments are by writing some black men or some black women. Additionally, she seems to miss completely the point of marriage. So did the writer of the article.

Marriage is not about what you get; it is about what you give. It is in the giving that one receives blessings. Trust me I know it hard out there. We black women must hold ourselves safe, and look for men who appreciate us. However, do not write a comment that implies that all black men are trifling fools, and that we are better off without them that type of comment is simply a lie.

Instead, pray that the Lord sends you a wonderful loving man. Try to keep your heart open. Do not become so bitter that you come to believe: I do not need or want you a man, you will miss so much. I cannot tell you how wonderfully blessed I feel to have a loving husband and beautiful daughter. I waited a truly long time for that blessing, but it has been worth the wait.

At 32, I hope you look for a man the way you look for clothing or shoes. Not everything out there is right or appropriate for you, but if you take the time, you will find something that fits you just right.

I hope that both you and Reese will try not to be discouraged. There are wonderful men out there. One must separate the wheat from the weeds. I repeat this advice do not waste your time with trifling fools, but also do not assume all black men are trilling fools. You should be able to discern the good from the bad; you will know them by the fruit they bear. Peace

I think you totally missed the point of what Reese was trying to say and let’s not forget she is speaking from HER experience.

I’m a 32 year old black women who understands EXACTLY where she is coming from.

And I agree that what she is saying is true in some but not all cases, because there are so many single mom homes, both black boys and girls are not shown the APPROPRIATE way to become productive black men and women. Women are overly masculinized and men are overly feminized due to lack of role models in the home.

I am fortunate to come from a two parent home where though my mother is a an educated women who chose to work, I was shown how to be able to succeed as an individual and how to succeed as a woman. My brother has been encouraged by my father to emulate positive male qualities.

Everyone is not so fortunate to have that these days.

“…black women do not need (and in many cases want) a man to take care of them. They have achieved financial independence. But, what they do want is a partner.”

“…these men have very different views of what a wife should be (from my own personal experience, I’ve been told from black men that their wife must be a mother (to them!), a housekeeper, a cook, a babysitter, and a slut).”

“…I think your commentary does not address the issue of how black girls and black boys are raised differently. One group is raised to strive to do better for herself, the other to believe that he is so special that someone should do better for him.”

Your comments are really sad and very disrespect of black men. Do you know any? I mean to write such negative generalities about a population of over 17,497,000 human beings are truly ridiculous. (I am just including black American men, it is even sillier when one thinks of all the black men on the planet.)

Of course, black women need black men. Are you advocating genocide? Do you imagine that black children do not need their fathers? Do you really think little black girls do not need daddies? Who will help black boys to become men if not their fathers? Can you really look at the condition of the black community and say black women are doing fine on their own? Can you truly be that materialistic? Do you not realize there is much more to life then what is in your bank account?

I got married at age of 39. I already owned my own home; I did not have any children from previous relationships. I never had an abortion. I had been celibate for over 15 years. I consider my wonderful husband to be a blessing from God. I need him in always. He is my companion, my friend, my lover: We are to each other all things God spoke of the Genesis 2:18-24. It is my pleasure to cook for him, to housekeep and to watch our beautiful daughter grow. He shares my values and he does not have children from previous relationships. Not all men are the same. Men are not generalities they are human beings.

You truly do not know what you are missing.

Speaking of being raised I was raise by two loving parents. My brothers sought wives not mothers. My brothers are grown men; their mother raised them. They certainly did not need or want wives to raise them.

Some black women would do well to learn how to treat the men available to them with respect, and admiration. I am please to have two wonderful sisters-in-law. They both happen to be white. (I wonder why.)

You cannot complete if you do not appreciate a man for the special human being he is. Yes men and women are different. We are meant to complement each other not complete and strive against each other.

If all you see in a man is, what material possessions he can provide for you, you are already lost.

You stated that black women were raised to find an honorable man to take care of them. I find this conclusion interesting in light of Joy’s article. I would think it’s the exact opposite.

My experience has been that black girls have been raised to take care of themselves. Black men have been raised to find a woman to take care of them.

It surprises me that people did not see the feminist argument to Joy’s article. Black women are not the stereotypical woman. If you look at the stats, black women do not need (and in many cases want) a man to take care of them. They have acheived financial independence. But, what they do want is a partner. Here is where the divergence occurs. Because if you are a financially independent black woman, why would you want to marry a man who has multiple babies and multiple babies mamas? You do better on your own. And while there are certainly women who are getting pregnant by these absent-minded men, there are a significant number of women who are doing the right thing. Who are single, educated, and moral. But, there are no black men (whether equally educated or not) who are available to these women. And, if there are, these men have very different views of what a wife should be (from my own personal experience, I’ve been told from black men that their wife must be a mother (to them!), a housekeeper, a cook, a babysitter, and a slut).

Who wants that? I wasn’t raised to be treated in such a manner and neither were my friends. We are all highly sucessfuly black women. We have standards and long ago realized that our upbringing pushed us out of the marriage market.

In any case, my point is this: I think your commentary does not address the issue of how black girls and black boys are raised differently. One group is raised to strive to do better for herself, the other to believe that he is so special that someone should do better for him.