I can’t believe I’ve gotten away with this masquerade for so many years!
I am not La Shawn Barber. There is no La Shawn Barber. It’s all an elaborate ruse, something I cooked up on a hot August afternoon in 2002. After reading so many cookie-cutter opinion columns, I thought my brain would rot. So I decided to become a columnist. I sent my work to newspapers large and small, with no luck. What am I doing wrong? I wrote and submitted, wrote and submitted until my fingers were stiff and aching with a wicked case of carpal tunnel.
One day while doing research on Justice Clarence Thomas, I stumbled across a nasty quote about him. One of his critics, a very angry black man, had called him a very demeaning name. That’s the moment I decided to do something. No matter what it took, I would get my words in print. Or I’d die trying. But editors didn’t seem interested in op-eds by yet another white conservative defending Justice Thomas and other black conservatives.
So…I took on the persona of a black woman, a very outspoken black woman. Suddenly, my work was published. Finally! Then I realized the potential of this idea. I was a blog reader from way back, so I decided to start one. It became bigger than I’d ever imagined. To make the whole thing all the more real, I enlisted one of my dear friends, a black woman (who’s not all that conservative!), to help. She allowed me to post her photo on the site. But there was a problem: people wanted to meet “La Shawn Barber” and began inviting her to blogger meet-ups and conferences.
That’s when my friend and I made an agreement: she would be the public “La Shawn” while I remained behind the scenes. I can’t tell you how liberating it was to know so many people were reading my opinions! I even started a blog consulting business and fantasy fiction blog. It was perfect. Although I felt bad about fooling people, it was surprisingly easy. People just assumed this “La Shawn Barber” was a real person. With my enormous writing talent and my friend’s willingness to go along with the scheme, we made a great team. But now the game is over.
I can’t do it anymore. My conscience is eating away at me. It’s over. My friend says she wants to start a blog under her real name or even write a book about all this. I don’t care. I just can’t stand fooling people anymore. Please accept my apology, gentle readers.
On Monday, this blog will be terminated.
Well, well… since we are in the “admit my secrets” mode… I am actually George W. Bush using the Hispanic name of Fernando … “the Gentleman”… Caballero. If it were not April Fool’s Day I would running around telling people I am the president of a great nation…
Comment by Fernando Caballero — 04.01.06 @ 9:38 am
You had me going for a minute there. Bravo, dear lady, bravo.
Comment by Ian MacD. — 04.01.06 @ 9:46 am
La Shawn, you’re awesome. Tears of laughter here, really.
Comment by GearDaddy — 04.01.06 @ 10:13 am
La Shawn … Who?
La Shawn says she is not La Shawn. She is supposedly another woman who made up a La Shawn Barber character. She says that the picture of her on the blog is of a friend who acted as her in public. Because of this ruse she is going to shut down her blog….
Trackback by Everyday Thoughts Collected — 04.01.06 @ 10:26 am
Well, I knew this whole thing was a shame from the beginning. We all know all blacks think a like and any that stray from the “black mainstream thought” are simply white’s masquarding as blacks. It is about time you told the truth. A strong black american with a mind of their own, that’s a bit too radical. Thanks for finally telling us the truth. I’m sure the congressional blacks caucus will be pleased to know, that there are not any “radical” black americans trying to think on their own about very controversial issues. I’ll let Al and Jesse know there’s not a strong black conservative uprising, they can keep their race baiting jobs.
Comment by Maxine Waters — 04.01.06 @ 10:27 am
La Shawn, you are tooooooo good. That is the funniest thing I have read in a very long time. Could this be real, I wondered? Of course then I remembered that it’s April fools day. But you really had me going. Brilliant!
Comment by John — 04.01.06 @ 10:28 am
I just updated my blogpost. YOU TOTALLY got me. Oh my gosh!!! ::: laughing :::
Comment by Randy — 04.01.06 @ 10:30 am
Oh my gosh!! Wait until the KosKiddies read this!! It’ll go all around the KoolAid cooler! First DU, then Chris Matthews will have something. Then when Keith Olbermann realizes he’s been had he’ll look like a fool.
Oh, wait. Scratch that last one, it’s already happened:)
Comment by BigOrangeAxe — 04.01.06 @ 10:38 am
ROFL
La Shawn, you even rented siblings to pull this scam off. Shame, shame on you.
You are so funny
Comment by Renee — 04.01.06 @ 10:42 am
No, I woke up hours ago and I’ve seen a few of these already (though this one is the best written). Having a nephew’s birthday within a day or two makes me aware of the date too.
The main reason though why I wasn’t fooled (chest swells ever such a little), is that the photo and the prose both carry the same twinkle- it has to be one and the same person.
Comment by ed thomas — 04.01.06 @ 10:42 am
La Shawn Barber has posted an I am not who you think I am post. Let’s just pray that this really is a joke. Could something like this really happen? I know it could because I run another blog by another name. It is nothing bad and nothing I would be ashamed of if I got outted over there.
Pingback by The Land of Ozz — 04.01.06 @ 11:02 am
Who was that masked woman?
Why, don’t you know? That was the Lone Truthranger!
Comment by RedBeard — 04.01.06 @ 11:23 am
And, truth be told, the “real” Hillary clinton is…
{DRUM ROLL}
{DRAWS BACK CURTAIN}
Hillary Clinton. Hey, that’s not even funny!
Comment by Doug — 04.01.06 @ 11:23 am
You can fool some of the people some of the people some of the time. But you can’t fool all the people all the time.
You got me for a few seconds on this one. (This is the blogosphere where anythings possible!) Even this. But then I remembered the date.
Comment by Spunky — 04.01.06 @ 11:38 am
OK, you had me with the first sentence or two, but then remembered I warned my kids yesterday of what today was.
Good one!
Comment by Gayla — 04.01.06 @ 11:51 am
Got me intially until I remembered what day it was. I was getting ready to start deleting links and bookmarks.
Comment by Buckblog — 04.01.06 @ 11:54 am
Is there any truth to the rumor that the Black Woman “who’s not all that conservative” is planning to get a hair-do like Cynthia McKinney
?
Because if this post were true, that’s what I’d be expecting next
.
And I’d be getting a “do” like Don King!
Comment by Independent Conservative — 04.01.06 @ 12:06 pm
I always thought you were a black woman named La Shawn Barber who created this fake blog La Shawn Barber so no one could find out who you really are.
ricland
Comment by ricland — 04.01.06 @ 12:15 pm
I know it’s April 1st and all, but I have to confirm the story. See, after some trading of emails and a growing friendship, the blog mistress admitted this to me a while back. Remember the huge announcement she promised? Well, I couldn’t stand the wait and out of friendship she didn’t force me to.
I wish you the best as you go on in the future, and I hope you won’t forget me. You’ve been a big help.
Comment by Mark La Roi — 04.01.06 @ 12:22 pm
I’m glad you finally admitted it. Now maybe people will believe me when I tell them that I’M LA SHAWN BARBER.
Comment by lumberjack — 04.01.06 @ 12:45 pm
Truth will out. La Shawn, I am your father.
Now about all those father’s days you missed….
Comment by Walter E. Wallis — 04.01.06 @ 12:48 pm
Since confession is good for the soul….
I DID IT - I killed Kennedy! And Lincoln. And the dinosaurs, the passenger pigeon and my faithful pet rock (drowned ‘em, I did).
Now that that’s over - when will I appear on Oprah and sign my book contract?
Comment by Mwalimu Daudi — 04.01.06 @ 1:02 pm
I am laughing so hard right now.
Oh fer pete’s sake….
Comment by Jewels — 04.01.06 @ 1:51 pm
Boy did I bite. Not until I read down a few posts did I realize….I too had remembered the post about the big confession…and forgotten what day it was.
heehee
Comment by dianne — 04.01.06 @ 3:06 pm
Oh no! My fragile worldview has been crushed!
All this time you were just toying with us, La Shawn, or whoever you are. How could you?!
*cries*
Comment by FL Mom — 04.01.06 @ 3:50 pm
That’s hilarious! I love it!
Happy May 1st!
Comment by Hannah Beth — 04.01.06 @ 4:17 pm
La Shawn…or whoever you are, remember when we met in Philly and here in CA? Remember our clandestined conversations? I’m not who you think I am either…. (insert mysterious music)
Care for a free book?
Comment by Stacy L. Harp — 04.01.06 @ 4:23 pm
We will miss you. Both of you. Or one of you. If there are any of you. I am so confused.
Comment by MikeM — 04.01.06 @ 4:26 pm
The Baldilocks Inquirer
Gerard Vanderleun finds an open letter from the CEO of Bordera to Charles Johnson… Charles, I’ve got a book store to run and having you sic a bunch of bloggers on me and tell them to ride my a** because
Trackback by baldilocks — 04.01.06 @ 4:42 pm
You really had me going for a while. The significance of this day never entered my mind.
That was a good one.
Bev
Comment by Bev — 04.01.06 @ 4:55 pm
LOL:) I had to reread it twice to make sure. Ah ha! Exactly as charged by our liberal friends- an evil white conservative is behind da scene pulling da strings. Surely no black woman would hold the opinions of LB! I just wonder how much she is earning for this “front” work, and if said evil white conservatives will also start writing me some checks..:)
Comment by Enrique Cardova — 04.01.06 @ 5:41 pm
April Foolishness
One downside to April Fool's Day is that you really can't fool anyone unless you somehow manage to catch them off-guard. I've done it a time or two, I suppose (and undoubtedly failed a time or two as well), but it's not as easy …
Trackback by Yippee-Ki-Yay! — 04.01.06 @ 5:44 pm
Hello Whatever-your-name-is:
Why shut the blog down? It’s dynamite. Reminds me somewhat of Whoopi Goldberg as “Mr. Cutty.”
Sometimes you gotta do what’cha gotta do to get your respect. I loved the blog, even bookmarked it and visited frequently.
Don’t quit. Now that the secret’s out, just continue under your real name.
I loved it.
Charlotte A. Clark-Frieson
visit my blog at http://www.soberthougths@braveblog.com
http://www.wilkieclarksdaughter.net
http://www.clarkmemorial.biz
http://www.wcmf.citymax.com
Comment by Charlotte A. Clark-Frieson — 04.01.06 @ 6:24 pm
Heheehehehheheheheheh
Comment by Christine Inauen — 04.01.06 @ 6:54 pm
Wouldn’t this be the coup of all time if LaShawn really wasn’t “LaShawn”. For heavens sake, I saw her on tv..this can’t be real…and then, I think, what if? I think I’m losing it…lol
Well, lady, in my heart I think you must be laughing your butt off..This just can’t be for real…but I’m about to lose it..how long before you come clean? This must be a statement about the state of the media and humanity and how gullible we are..
Your alter ego sure has pretty eyes…lol
Comment by dianne — 04.01.06 @ 7:54 pm
You guys catch on quick. The part about me not being me is not true. However, the website will be shutting down due to my recent engagement.
God Bless
Comment by La Shawn Barber (no such person) — 04.01.06 @ 8:44 pm
Sorry to hear the website is shutting down La Shawn, but congradulationS on your engagement!!
Comment by Ted Wegener — 04.01.06 @ 8:49 pm
Say What?!?!?!?!? Wait a minute!! I mean you can get engaged - that’s great - congratulations!!! But shut down the site!!! No way!! - Unless you start up another, better, bigger one. Maybe the two of you will be co-bloggers. That’s it! Whew - you really did have me going there. I feel much better now.
Comment by Francene — 04.01.06 @ 8:57 pm
*shakes fist* I almost had a heart attack. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY!
One of the better April Fool’s pranks I’ve seen pulled.
Comment by Rick Morris — 04.01.06 @ 9:22 pm
i’m mad at you until tomorrow - yes i am. sucka
Comment by sharon — 04.01.06 @ 10:01 pm
I’M STILL MAD AT YOU…why wait till monday? terminate on Sunday!!!! smile, smile, smile!!!
Comment by sharon — 04.01.06 @ 10:25 pm
Can this really happen in America???
We have lost our innocence for sure now.
::weeping while looking curiously in the sky::
Comment by DL Foster — 04.01.06 @ 10:37 pm
You are crazy and I love it.
Comment by Kristi — 04.01.06 @ 11:37 pm
Congratulations on your engagement, everyone truly wishes you the best. I could see this coming for a few weeks now. You give a big hint to everyone that you were tired of the “ranting and raving” that you blog about daily. But, as your priorities shift, don’t let your pen be silent! There are many things that need to be written about that may not be as controversial, but they are purposeful nonetheless. Blogging is a medium that is a springboard to bigger and better things. Everyone, including myself will be anxious to see what lies ahead for you.
Comment by Robert Tatum — 04.01.06 @ 11:52 pm
You mean that woman I made love to was a Dude!???!!!
Comment by Kevin — 04.01.06 @ 11:55 pm
April Fool
La Shawn Barber is a conservative white woman….
Trackback by UNCoRRELATED — 04.02.06 @ 1:29 am
I have known this for quite some time. As I remarked to baldilocks just after remarking here, I found it most remarkable and a dead giveaway that you never see La Shawn Barber and Sister Souljah together. Ever.
I’m just sayin’.
Comment by Van der Leun — 04.02.06 @ 3:01 am
Links and Minifeatures 04 01 Saturday (No Fooling!)
Bullet dodged, for now. Mellon was doing okay for a few days, then lost the use of her back legs again. Vet gave her a shot, and me some medicine for her for later. Less than $100, and she’s feeling good enough to walk, and she’s not in pain. As …
Trackback by Searchlight Crusade — 04.02.06 @ 3:23 am
I predicted this three years ago. Oh, and I’m not really SickAndTired, I’m a reincarnation of Nostradamus.
Comment by SickAndTired — 04.02.06 @ 4:31 am
Good joke!
Wow, LaShawn Barber’s post of yesterday has to be one of the best April Fools jokes ever!…
Trackback by She Who Will Be Obeyed! — 04.02.06 @ 10:51 am
The mention of engagement in comment #36 appears to be another “April Fools” joke and it looks like plenty of people really did fall for that one
.
Notice the URL linked to the identity of the poster named “La Shawn Barber (no such person)”. It’s not La Shawn’s blog link folks.
Although the man who marries Ms. Barber will be truly blessed, it appears somebody pulled a “gotcha” on the exact timing of the event
.
Comment by Independent Conservative — 04.02.06 @ 11:18 am
I knew it was all a lie when I read the ‘enormous writing talent’ line.
(The above zing was warranted because you still haven’t replied to my e-mail from yestermillenium, LaShawn!)
Comment by Alex — 04.02.06 @ 5:14 pm
Funny.
Very funny. You had me worried for a moment.
Only the “Language Artist”, could pull something like this off.
Maribel
Comment by Maribel Hernandez — 04.02.06 @ 7:48 pm
Comment by anonymusrex — 04.03.06 @ 6:04 am
As I read this visions of the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz came to mind… well done and yes it was very funny!
Comment by Tony in Boulder — 04.03.06 @ 7:08 am
Rhetorical Devices…
And one more thing.
You really do make good use of rhetorical figures on your posts. You tie in the masquerade picture with the rhetorical device and it really makes for a great read. That’s one of the reasons I like reading your blog, you even add spice and variety by using the 14 progymnasmata.
Comment by Maribel Hernandez — 04.03.06 @ 8:16 am
No shame, there was a person in the 1950s who black faced himself and wrote a book, “Black like me”. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some real blacks or negroes, whatever the word is this year who felt liberated enough to express opinions like on your site. I know of two individuals like this. They are busy working for a living. They are in their 30s. I remember one confronting JJ on the TV and telling him basically to “move on”.
Comment by Chief RZ — 04.03.06 @ 3:35 pm
As a 62 year old American who is a caregiver for a sweet young thing who lives in Scottsdale, do you have any idea as to the embarrassment you cased me after reading your blog on the first, knowing how Karen just adores you, I went running down the hall to her office to tell her you weren’t you you said you were?
Watch you step!
Comment by Norm — 04.03.06 @ 5:26 pm
My heart was actually racing as I read this. Thankfully, my anxiety soon turned to relief, and then to uproarious laughter. This was great.
Comment by Lori — 04.04.06 @ 8:27 pm