June 2006

My attributing the decline of the culture to the loss of “family meal” time (see post category below) may be a stretch for some, but such losses accumulate and correlate with other problems. Nothing happens in a vacuum.

Eating dinner together as a family isn’t just an isolated event. No matter how tense it may be, sitting down with your family at meal times gives everyone a chance to talk and/or spend time together in an overscheduled world. Parents’ job is to teach and civilize their kids. Using a knife and fork properly, making conversation with and listening to others, and compromising (Can’t you hear your mothers now? “You’ll eat what I cook!”) — these are just a few important lessons kids learn when they share meals with the family.

We don’t need a study to understand that values are passed down and reinforced through this ritual. But, alas, there is a study. From TIME:

The most probing study of family eating patterns was published last year by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University and reflects nearly a decade’s worth of data gathering.
…
[T]here is something about a shared meal–not some holiday blowout, not once in a while but regularly, reliably–that anchors a family even on nights when the food is fast and the talk cheap and everyone has someplace else they’d rather be. And on those evenings when the mood is right and the family lingers, caught up in an idea or an argument explored in a shared safe place where no one is stupid or shy or ashamed, you get a glimpse of the power of this habit and why social scientists say such communion acts as a kind of vaccine, protecting kids from all manner of harm.

The rest of the article summarizes CASA’s and other studies’ findings. For instance, family meals have a positive effect on kids. Eating together doesn’t cause kids to drink less, do better in school, etc., but it is certainly correlated with those things.

I’ve noticed a trend in the social sciences arena. Everything old is new again. When it comes to raising children, researchers are yielding all kind of common sense results. After decades of permissiveness and the “do what feels good” mantra, people finally realize that “traditional values” are good for children. One may even say they are ideal. Once you’re an adult, you can do what feels good. But that’s not how most people I know raise their children. “Do as I say, not as I do/have done,” is the usual theme. For instance, most fathers I know who’re raising young daughters are nervous about their daughters’ future dating adventures. Why? I’ll let readers who are fathers of daughters answer that question.

Anyone who’s raised or spent time around children know the little creatures don’t need to be taught selfishness and rudeness. They’ve got those down pat! They must be taught how to be kind and to share. Thoughtfulness must be cultivated and encouraged. Teaching kids “good values” is more difficult when children don’t spend time with the family or when they grow up in broken families.

It is almost cliché to say, “Families are important,” but family creation is becoming a lost art. These days, in certain communities, childbearing is disconnected from family creation. Back in the day, people made a nest, if you will, to lay their eggs. It’s crucial to a child’s development that he have a nurturing and safe place to stumble as he grows and learns how to cope with life. For a primer on the importance of nest-building, consult our tiny-brained friends, the birds.

Human females should spend time observing what female birds do instinctively.

(As an aside, I was pleased as punch that someone quoted in TIME, an anthropologist from Rutgers, no doubt, used the term “American Indians” in reference to American Indians, instead of Native American, which describes anyone born in America.)

Update: An excerpt from an article by Joseph C. Phillips on “soul food”:

Soul food has been unfairly labeled as unsophisticated and unhealthy fare — peasant food cooked in pork fat. That, however, misses the true essence of the food. Not only has the cuisine evolved, incorporating dishes from Haiti, Jamaica and the West Indies, it has also adapted to America’s more health-conscience habits. Chefs and home cooks are finding ways to prepare traditional dishes without the addition of meats, lighter oils like canola are now used instead of lard and turkey has replaced pork.
…
The story begins in the plantation kitchen. English recipes, influenced by French techniques, with Native American ingredients, all prepared with an African sensibility by African hands. These same hands took the leftovers from those kitchens, along with inferior cuts of meat, vegetables grown in small gardens, and fresh fish, possum, rabbit and squirrel — the only quarry available to hunters during the evening after a long days work — and created magic.

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