Comments on: Family Meals: It’s the Values, Stupid!

By: Sissy Willis

Sissy Willis — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 12:55:30 +0000

I love this post — so full of good heartedness and good sense — and “look to the animals” is one of my own mantras, a major category at my blog.

The comments are one and all extremely interesting and worthwhile.

When our family of three grown kids with kids of their own gathers together to break bread at my father’s house for the various religious and secular holiday feasts throughout the year, my sister and I especially enjoy our times cooking and talking of all things great and small in my dearly departed mother’s kitchen.

By: Billy

Billy — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 13:46:03 +0000

Eating together is all about the family bonding. My family ate together (we’re italian) And we are close. All my friends who grew up spoiled and who didnt eat with the family all became drug addicts or losers.

By: Bev

Bev — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 01:57:20 +0000

My family always ate together. From the time I was in my teens till I moved out (2 years after collge), we had some very lively discussions. Today my parents whom are both in their eighties live with me. In fact we are multi-generational household. My mother loves food and ejoys preparing meals. Seated at the dinner table are my parents, my sister and her twin daughters. I also was there when I went through a spell of unemployment. During that time I prepared most of the dinners. I am back to work on 10+ hours a day schedule, and my family continues to eat at 5:00 pm on week days.

By the way, we all eat together at 3:00pm on Sundays after church and Sunday school.

By: lukeNC

lukeNC — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 22:34:17 +0000

i cant think of anything better than rice with gravy, some greens, maybe some deep fried whiting…and some mac n cheese sitting at the table….

how can someone be misbehaving with all that at the table…

By: John

John — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:35:44 +0000

Firstly I want to applaud you Lashawn. I recognize your Christian values, and in most cases I share them but for different reasons. I am something akin to an agnostic, but I think that it’s important to instill an independent, personal concept of right and wrong because while the bible teaches wonderful lessons, the world is a place of black, white and grey, and sometimes a person needs to know why something is wrong beyond “It’s what the bible says” to make the right decision. The dinner table is a wonderful place to create that concept. I spent my young life eating dinner with my family almost every night, it waned as I got older and schedules precluded even being home between school and sleep, but the best analogy I can draw to the good it’s done is from my current career (United States Coast Guard). When we finish an operation, we sit down and we hot wash (after brief). We figure out where the weaknesses were and correct them. I think dinner worked like this. We’d talk about our day, things we’d done, things that happened. All the while my brother and I were told what was good, and what we should not do again. You can teach anything 100 times, but until someone sees it in action, and then understands how it works, they’re not going to grasp it as well, this rule applies to life more then anything. It was also where we learned a great deal of respect and manners. I don’t eat fish. To this day I hardly eat it, but I remember being 12 or so and sitting alone at the dinner table well after the rest of the family had left because I refused to eat it and I was not allowed to leave the table until I did. I learned that you eat what’s put in front of you. A lesson I was encouraged and expected to heed whenever eating at another person’s home. It has served me well. Eating as a family is a time when it’s not awkward to discuss the days events. If my father walked into my room and sat me down I knew I was either in trouble or I was about to get a talk about something I didn’t want to hear about from my dad. I’d shut down, but at the dinner table, you were open, easy to influence. I think it’s one of the best times to influence who a child is.

By: Kevin Garrett

Kevin Garrett — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 17:29:31 +0000

Great post La Shawn. We’re like any other family in that we’re pulled in too many directions, but one thing that is constant is eating dinner together as often as possible. Our one hard-and-fast rule during that time is not to answer the phone. You’d be amazed at how that one simple thing conveys to the kids that we take the time with them seriously.

What’s also interesting is that our kids are pretty ill-behaved at the table during dinner. Often times we’re required to discipline them far more than we would prefer, but we also refuse to have little hellions as dinner companions. The interesting part is that when they go out with a group of kids or to a friend’s house, or get feedback from their teachers, we inevitably get comments saying that they are so well behaved. That’s obviously a source of pride, but also a relief that the sometimes turbulent dinner manner lessons are paying off!

Keep up the good work.

Kevin

By: Jerry McClellan

Jerry McClellan — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:50:26 +0000

“Iâ€™ve noticed a trend in the social sciences arena. Everything old is new again.”

I’ve noticed the same type of trend, mostly in the media with these public service announcements on various channels where some celebrity gets up and encourages us the viewers to share a meal together. Telling us how much it matters to the kids.

It is so funny that the world takes what God has established, i.e. the family and all that comes with it (including family meals), and tears it down, then builds it back up in the likeness of secularism. In other words, they take what was already working, destroy it and then put it back together, yet it isn’t the same because, just like when putting that bike, shelf or entertainment unit together, there are always pieces left out when you don’t use the instruction manual. It is never really “complete” if you have screws and washers, and parts laying around. The same is true with secular society trying to put family values back into broken or incomplete families, absent the foundation from which they came.

By: suek

suek — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:20:26 +0000

We had a teen move in with us when she was 16. Her home life hadn’t been particularly good – I suspect she had rarely if ever had a family sit down meal. For a year, I set the table, served the meal, called her to eat; she would come – after we had waited for her a few minutes – sit, eat, leave. We would try to engage her in some conversation, but pretty much got one word replies. She wasn’t rude, but she certainly wasn’t forthcoming, either.
She’s lived with us for 8 years now. We had a bad spell for a couple of years where she went off the track, but she’s back on the straight – if not as narrow as I’d like – and usually _does_ eat with us. And talks. Sometimes we can hardly shut her up! She jokes and even debates a bit. All good.

Another quick note. We have a breakfast on the first day of school each year, served by the board to any and all employees. One year, relationships with the superintendent were a bit rough. The man who is in charge of maintenance was there, but refused to eat – “no thanks, just not interested”. He had joined us the year before, and the next year – when we had a new superintendent and life was more peaceable – he joined us once again. Don’t tell me there wasn’t any signifigance in his not joining us that one year! Definitely a thermometer of the “get-along” guage!
Sharing a meal is a good thing.

By: Heliotrope

Heliotrope — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:17:55 +0000

In our sixties and by ourselves, we always sit down together for our meals, just as we did when our family was with us. Furthermore, we have always set an extra place for the “unknown guest.” Occasionally, through the years, someone would drop by while we were eating and we would ask them to share our table.

My daughter and son-in-law and their four children have followed the same pattern and even kept up the tradition of the place for the “unknown guest.”

Eating is a social and sustaining activity. It is a time to reflect on your good fortune of being nourished by food, love, and friendship.

Unfortunately, too many people treat their family obligations like so much fast food.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 15:31:56 +0000

This was something that was few and far between in my everyday, because my mom worked a swing shift and was rarely home in the evenings. Because of this, my sister turned the tide and instilled in her daughter the importance of sitting down for a meal, and I try as often as possible to perform this act. It really is an important arm of family, and of community.

By: La Shawn

La Shawn — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 14:05:32 +0000

That’s nice, Tiffany, and so important.

We ate dinner together when I was a child, but the practice waned through my teenage years.

By: Tiffany in Houston

Tiffany in Houston — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 14:02:10 +0000

Interesting post. I am 33 now and recently moved home from Minnesota back to Houston and lived with my folks for 6 months before I purchased my home.

We ate dinner together nearly every night. And we had to wait until my daddy got home.

Nice post. It’s sweet.

By: dianne

dianne — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 14:02:03 +0000

Family meals are something even poor people can share. When I was a kid, we were poor, but we raised a garden and chowed down on fresh vegetables and grandma’s delicious homemade bread. We didn’t raise food animals, but lots of the relatives had farms, so we almost always had fresh meat and eggs as well. Mealtime was special and we always sat at the table. And one more important thing, there was always someone else at the table…

“Come Lord Jesus be our guest, and let this food by you be blessed.”

By: ThirstyDavid

ThirstyDavid — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 13:55:08 +0000

Those of us who have daughters (I have five) fear for them because we know there are thousands of young men out there who are just like we were, or worse. We understand what our daughters never will, even when they are married and are the mothers of sons. We understand the motives of the men who would have them, and no, we are not overly cynical. We know there are good men out there, and that God is preparing one especially for them. That is why chasing the bad ones away, at gunpoint if necessary, doesn’t make us worry that our daughters will end up alone.

By: FL Mom

FL Mom — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 13:16:24 +0000

Billy – If your future daughter grows up in the care of a dad like you who loves and serves the Lord, she’ll be just fine.

I love the term “homemaker” and am sad that it’s considered outdated and even contemptible in some circles. As shown by this study and other observations, growing up in a solid home (and I don’t mean just a building) is crucial to the sound development of kids into responsible adults. Is anyone really more important than the ones who make the home? The current “me society” doesn’t bode well for the state of the home in the future so we serious grown-ups need to work harder to model values for every young person we meet.