Thursday, December 28: Frequent commenter Andy writes: “Our view is that nannies are fine, as long as they aren’t used as a substitute for two working parents.”
That’s what I’m talking about.
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I read a sad/unintentionally funny story in the New York Times (free reg. req.) this morning about blacks looking for nannies. An excerpt:
“As more blacks move up the economic ladder, one fixture — some would say necessity — of the upper-middle-class income bracket often eludes them. Like hailing a cab in Midtown Manhattan, searching for a nanny can be an exasperating, humiliating exercise for many blacks, the kind of ordeal that makes them wonder aloud what year it is.”
It seems that black people looking for nannies are having a hard time finding nannies who want to work for black people, including black nannies. Parents interviewed for the story tell the sad tale of once again being judged by their skin color. One nanny agency owner reports that blacks make up 40 percent of her employees, and “many” don’t want to work with blacks because they might be “uppity and demanding,” paying less and expecting more. Some nannies, black and white, just don’t want to trek to “black” neighborhoods for safety reasons.
Nobody knows de trouble I’ve seen…
Tell it to someone who cares. Sorry, but I just can’t feel sorry for or sympathize with black parents looking for someone else to raise their children and face “discrimination” in the process. I take an old-fashioned, hard-line view on this issue. Parents should raise their own children. Period.
As free, autonomous human beings, however, black parents can outsource child-rearing if they want. It’s not illegal, and dumping kids in institutionalized care and handing them over to others to raise is an equal opportunity shame.
We shall overcome somedayyyyyyyyyy…
Clarification (10:30 a.m.): People, people, people! I am NOT talking about hiring a baby sitter (for a few hours). How could any reasonable person who read this post think that I think parents can or should be with their kids 24 hours a day, seven days a week? Good grief.
I’m referring to sending young children (especially infants, for crying out loud!) to day care for 10 hours a day or hiring someone to come to their homes and raise the kids. Some do it by choice; others by necessity. I don’t have to be a parent to criticize the practice. Children, black or white, ought to be raised by their parents. Since when did saying so become controversial?
What a world… 
Read my review of Day Care Deception: What The Child Care Establishment Isn’t Telling Us.
Writes commenter and homeschooling blogger Susannah:
Well, of course I agree with LaShawn 100%. Childhood is so brief. It just seems sad that so many parents choose to detach themselves from their own offspring. Granted, it’s not always a choice, I know.
I always wonder, what happens if you do manage to hire an awesome nanny who adores your kids and whom your kids adore in return, and then the nanny leaves, as all nannies must some day. (Cf. Mary Poppins! ) Your kids have bonded with the nanny and then all of a sudden that person is no longer in their life. Seems unnecessarily wrenching.
Family is forever. They are the people you depend on your whole life. Bonding ought to be stronger within the confines of family than without, IMO.
(BTW, if we can make it on a single income, anybody can. We are by no means wealthy. It’s simply a matter of priorities.)
Emphasis added.
Commenter Marla Helseth writes:
Sorry for all the patronizing criticism you’re getting, LaShawn. I agree with you 100%…The way God structured the family is that the parents raise the child in the strength and admonition of the Lord. I’m sure women like Leah and Rachel in the Old Testament had women helpers, but I’m also sure they were in the home full time; available for their children and able to teach them…The day and age doesn’t matter. It’s a matter of priorities as many commenters have said. We should not be rejoicing that we now make enough money to hire a nanny; that’s ridiculous logic.
Emphasis added.
Former nanny, commenter and blogger Happy Housewife writes:
Having been a nanny, I can tell you that none of the mothers I worked for needed to work. All of them openly stated a fear of taking care of their own children. All of the children involved came to see me as their mother. I had to constantly tell one little girl that she couldn’t call me Mommy. None of the children willingly left my care each night, despite my encouragement to go with their parents. All of the children were heartbroken when my care was discontinued. Yet, I was no Mary Poppins. I merely showed concern, talked to the children, played with the children. I also was firm with the children and enforced rules and routines. I was actually harder on the kids than their permissive parents, yet I was the one the children ran to. I quit after two years because I couldn’t deal with the parents anymore.
Life is a series of exchanges. Parents with a nanny are exchanging their children for income. It’s harsh but true. I’d rather be as poor as a churchmouse than give up being my children’s primary caregiver. I heard the first word and saw the first step for the kids I nannied. Those moms missed out. They may not realize what they’ve lost now, but when the kids are grown I think they will.
