Here’s an unapologetically anti-daycare website that shows exactly how much of a shame it is!

http://www.daycaresdontcare.org

If I came across as acting like I know more about blacks than blacks themselves, that’s probably because you assumed that I’m not. That’s ok, I’m used to being called Uncle Tom — my hero btw.

Now we’re getting into the chicken – egg cycle.
1) Blacks don’t tip well because of lack of socialized exposure (never mind the bounty of multimedia cues, powerful enough to drive fads and social misbehavior but obviously the notion of a fair tip didn’t filter thru the hours of ad nauseum programming — my opinion).

2) Nevermind the masses of black waitstaff across the US. Apparently I’m asked to believe that lower income blacks don’t collectively discuss the art of tipping and fair rates vs how to max the tips at Waffle House etc? IOWs, blacks really exist in a vacuum, they may work at at the local BBQ joint et al, but they ain’t eating out, so tipping is a mystery subject eh?

In any case, it’d be silly to juxtapose poor black tipping attitudes/behaviors to blacks rich enough to afford a nanny. That’s why I targeted black yuppies. Educated and not poor yet, on average, lousy tippers. Only stands to reason that black lousy tipping yuppies that go on to raise a family tend to be lousy employers, hence the conventional wisdom among nannies to avoid black employers.

As for experience getting treated like crap alot, that’s interesting. In an age where whites try to get down wid it, bling and hip-hop, or otherwise try to act like NWAs”. Odd indeed.

Perhaps the crappy white waiters were insufficiently socially exposed toward giving good service? I mean if their last job was flipping burgers and now they wait at Applebys, I can see how their serivce skillsets might need some improving.

OTH, if you’re a frequent customer, maybe the ‘old-timers’ pass you off to the rookies and lower seniority waiters because time spent serving you is not worth the gratuity you give, ie lingering too long over your meal and nit-picking over the definition of ‘is’. In that case, it ain’t the color of your skin, it’s quantity of your money.

When you say many, many, many, is that what the many tell you, or what you witnessed on average?

Ciao,

I didn’t excuse anything. I stated a reason as opposed to a myth. When you attribute certain behavior to single parent households, are you excusing that behavior?

The notion of “a chip on your shoulder” and “victimist” as it relates to this issue is so far fetched it is not even funny. Folks should try asking black people why things are as they are instead of acting like you know more about black people than black people themselves. Blacks disproportionally are less socialized to prioritize tipping and don’t experience the pressure to do so. Blacks are not treated as well by white waiters and waitresses, and blacks on average have less disposable income than whites. Many blacks were reared in homes that rarely, if ever, dined out. It has nothing to do with stinginess or the myth of victimism. The latter is just another way of some whites to exaggerate the notion of “white guilt”.

Asian Americans are generally financially successful, yet tip less than whites. And there are many, many, many, blacks who tip generously, yet are treated like crap by white waiters. I have experienced that quite a lot.

While the topic was black nannies vis a vis black employers, Asian and other-than-Western cultures tend to have a bad rep among nannies of all stripes; demanding and stinginess.

Going back to the breeding, if a person feels they’ve been generous, then they’ve been generous. To say that blacks aren’t familiar with tipping guidelines, suggests that perhaps they’re unaware of the world around them. I’d be interested in meeting a couple such.

There’s no disputing that sometimes it pays to be stingy, more so for experiences most mundane.

I came from a proverty level foundation, missionaries who accepted the average poverty line as their salary so that the rest could go to their mission. My dad was a decent tipper and we’d eat out once a month so that we’d exercise our table manners.

The 20 – 25% you describe sounds more like gratuity rather than gift. Nothing much anyone can do about the nuanced difference, but there it is.

Having had a few Au-pairs from Eastern Europe, I’ve grown aware of how stingy the self-absorbed and/or embittered employers can be. If it weren’t for the network of nanny agencies watching out for them, even more would get screwed by wretched employers.

And yes, I’ve worked (sniff) menial jobs and been proud of it. My family prepared quite well so that I never lacked for resourcefulness in achieving goals and I am proud of them for doing so.

I’ve been up, I’ve been down. Unique experiences gained thru blood, sweat & tears are priceless. I ain’t asking for much. If I had to live my life over again, there’s hardly a phase or place I wouldn’t repeat.

As for the waiting phase, I’ve bussed and waited in HS for spending money. During college served at a Bible camp practically every weekend for little more than gas money. And again years later, walking away from my profession on a 1-yr sabbatical that turned into a decade as expatriate.

Too bad you’ve never had the chance to stint as a (sniff) waiter. Waiting in Europe allowed me to immerse myself in another culture, work about 20 hrs a week and spend the rest of the time motorcycling, whitewatering, climbing, para-sailing, skiing/snowboarding, sailboating.

Rat race? Stress? What me worry? Every day was an adventure. A quick trip between Berlin & Lisbon for a friend’s wedding? No problem, have Ninja 750, will travel. Wanna see a concert, let me pull on my leathers and thunder in on the Harley 1500 stroker. On second thot, I do have two regrets, not doing the ‘hop-the-Bering’s-Straits-take the Trans-Orient-Express-to-Berlin, that and riding thru Baltics to St. Petersburg/Moscow.
/bragging

Ciao

And you say that I’m reaching. Blacks tip less in black owned establishments. What you typed above is fantasy.

Studies have shown that a combination of the greater tendency toward bad service, lower income, and lack of knowledge of tipping standards is the reason for this. Many blacks flat tip and aren’t accostumed to calculating percentages. Many blacks don’t ever dine out and are not familiar with tipping guidelines.

You do know that Asians likewise tip less than white also right? Are you going to call them stingy also, or are blacks your main target in life?

I came from an upper middle class upbringing, and my father is a big tipper. So that is something that I am familiar with and accustomed to. It has nothing to do with me being any less stingy than anyone else.

I tip 20% with adequate service but that is my choice. If for any reason I ever decide to not tip that much, there is nothing that you nor any one else could do about it.

I find that rude and discourteous waiters and waitresses tend to expect a full tip and look funny when they don’t get what they expect. Their apparent mis-judgement of, as you say, my body language cost them what would otherwise be a 20-25% tip. And they look really funny when they see that tip going to the busboy.

And no, I have never been a waiter. My family prepared quite well so that I never had to work menial jobs and I am proud of them for doing so.

I had a nanny from El Salvador,
My niece and nephew have a live-in nanny from Nicaragua.

Maybe that is an East Coast problem.

Now you’re reaching.

Is it ok if I reach further and surmise you’ve never waited? And I don’t mean bussing or flipping burgers, otherwise, I don’t think you would have stereotyped lower income people as unable to afford a tip as a fact.

Let me reach further yet and paint a hyperbolic mnemonic for you: “Black Yuppies’ll short change you and White Trash’ll tip you 20%.

Now that I got your attention, it’s not just the Black Yuppies, it’s what I call the victimist class. For example, activists, feminists and every other self-absorbed victim of some imagined conspiracy or another who believe that the world owes them. Perhaps you can enlighten me on why that is? Is it because this is their way of extract reparations for the imagined wrong?

While a few anecdotes do not a stereotype make, a majority will. Maybe I should’ve qualified my comments that on occasions I’ve been pleasantly surprised? On the flipside, the exception does not a stereotype break.

I would think most people can tell the difference between stinginess and affordabilty.

I’d count gaggle of ladies coming in and splurging on champagne and requesting off-menu favors, running up a couple hundred $$ and leaving $1 each as stingy. I don’t expect a tip on burger, fries & ice tea, or from families trying to enjoy a little outing.

Even so, in my experience it’s usually the less-than-well-off people that tip well. As one remarked, knowing what it was like to work for tips, it’s only common courtsey and decency to tip as well as they would like to be tipped–call it a waiter’s golden rule.

“Maybe they sense your lack of relishing serving them and tip according to your attitude.”

Unlike the Frogs, I give everyone the royal treatment until they prove otherwise. Maybe I should have clarified that there’s more to profiling a person than simply by skin color? Should I have mentioned that name-your-ill victimist factor which is a Bayesian Network quotient of non-verbal cues, body language, demeanor and even the verbal cues, n’est pas?

Bottomline, I’m only saying I can understand the black on black nanny issue from my own POV.

“And despite what so many waiters and waitresses think, a tip is a GIFT that no one is obligated to give you…I wonder if panhandlers hate to see certain races drive up.”

On second thot, if the former’s what you believe, then it’s all over your head. As for the latter, you don’t get out much do you?

Ciao!

I imagine that such incidents stand-out for you moreso than times when you might see blacks involved in active parenting. Now here are my experiences.

One white lady who is a friend of ours is routinely cursed out by her 12 year old son. At one point, he actually slaps her face in front of a group of people. I have also witnessed another friend being kicked in the shin by his 6 year old daughter when she was mad at him.

I never see black children do such things to black parents and my children wouldn’t even dream of it.

However, a few anecdotes do not make a stereotype as you say.

Yes, I know “The Nanny Diaries” was fictional. I understand that parts of it were exaggerated for storytelling and that the “mother” in the book is actually a composite of several mothers the authors worked for. But the complaints of the nannies in the article cited by LaShawn and by the mothers echoes what was said in the book by the fictional characters.

Would anyone who has worked as a nanny care to comment about the authenticity of “The Nanny Diaries”? (Nothing like a little Reality Check! )

You do what makes sense for the family unit, which involves input from at least two people. Sometimes that involves daycare (even some of the stronger commenter advocates against nannying have used “minimal” or seasonal daycare).

Surely, a good nanny is better to have around than a bad parent in any number of circumstances.

And there are surely problem children who have very strong parents who are capable parenters.

Wanting to be there for your children is not wrong; but neither is wanting to provide materially for them either–I know plenty of two-income families where the second income is used primarily for future college costs or private schools or something that directly contributes to the child’s welfare (as opposed to a Nintendo Wii, say).

Further, there are plenty of happy mediums (as the folks who use minimal or seasonal daycare implicitly concede). It’s not like the options are either having a stay-at-home mom or a mother who works an 80-hour week and children who never see their parents.

This issue is not amenable to one-size-fits-all solutions.*

*…but the comment about the Nanny Diaries being fiction made me chuckle.

It seems that most people feel that hiring a nanny is wrong for two working parents but ok for a single working mother. I still think its wrong. I’m a black, working professional and I am widowed. At one time, I considered the possibility of having someone live in with me and watch the kids in exchange for room and board. No matter how what you call it this equals nanny. I wanted to enter a full time masters program and work full time at the same time. I couldn’t. It is 10 years later and I still don’t have that extra degree but I have been there every step for my kids — the school programs, the football and basketball games, boy and girl scouts, etc. They are all teenagers now and these years go by so fast! They are precious and I thank God because I never regret any decisions that I have made.

It’s a blessing to not only have children but to KNOW them as well.

We never starved, never missed family meals together, took family jaunts, visited relatives, etc. We also were the only ones with no VCR and no family room. If there was a sick kid, we could count on Mrs. Blue to come for the day and make wonderful cheese toast and tomato soup.

Somehow, we just found a way to make it work without trucking our most precious possessions off to the Kids-a-Million Day Care or hiring a stranger. And without worrying about “keeping up” with all the new stuff.

I know this is sappy, but I certainly know a lot of people with the same tale.

Earlier this week I (white, with white beard) was at the playground of my obscenely expensive neighborhood with my daughter and her 3 kids. Nine year old boy pushing his two y.o. sister in swing; me getting 6 y.o. granddaughter started in swing so she could kick herself to highest point. My daughter telling her to kick her own self higher and not rely on me.

Adjacent swing. Young black girl (I can’t tell ages, call her 4-7 range), motionless, asks me to push her. As I get her started it’s obvious that she DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SWING. I try to teach her.

My daughter & I see two middle-aged, well dressed, black women, one of whom I assume was the mother, sitting on a park bench talking to each other and their cell phones.

*sigh*

I can’t help but think that the priorities are upside down and backwards in that statement.