Tuesday, January 16: Yesterday when I said that the “right” kind of people didn’t read the blog, I meant the kind of people who could help me professionally (as a writer) and/or help this blogger reach the stratosphere of the blogosphere. I was feeling sorry for myself, comparing myself to others, and I try not to make that a habit.
From the beginning, I’ve always been amazed that people read my blog. Even three years after I started, I’m surprised each morning when people return, even if some return only to harass me. 
I value your readership, and I don’t ever want to give you the impression that I don’t. The “right†people don’t matter, really, when it comes to what I want to accomplish at LBC. I want to challenge people’s assumptions, make them think about problems and solutions in ways they hadn’t thought about before. I want to share my faith and my opinions and encourage others to be bold in everything they do. These goals have little to do with high ranking or heavy traffic or whether the “right†people are linking and reading.
I realize that my outspoken faith turns off some people. In fact, I’ve heard and read that quite a few hate the religious aspect of this blog but love the political. Well, a woman can’t live on political ranting and raving alone. Since my faith guides everything I do, everything I am, it’s impossible for me to ignore it and/or put it away to appease or appeal to certain readers.
God has blessed me beyond anything I could have imagined. But being the fallen human I am, I sometimes think I “deserve†more. I know I want more, but that’s up to God. If I’m doing what I believe he wants me to do, I can’t go wrong. It may appear wrong in other people’s eyes, but he’s the one I want to please and must obey.
I am thankful for what God has given me, and that includes thoughtful, sincere readers. Thank you so much for commenting on this post. I’m humbled by the 50+ responses. There are rich nuggets worth contemplating in each of your comments, and I will read them again, pray on them, and think of how to incorporate the advice and sentiments into my blogging.
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When I don’t get the recognition I think I deserve for what I’m doing or what I’ve done, I consider several reasons. The first one that comes to mind is — and I’d rather eat a boiled rat than say it out loud — my skin color. My work on so-and-so has gone unnoticed because I’m black. Because I’m black.
That’s too easy, no matter how true it might be.
Or maybe it’s because I’m a woman. For various reasons, the world is still run by men. That includes the microcosm of the blogosphere. I haven’t done a formal study or anything, but a quick assessment of the kind of bloggers who’re recognized for what they do yields a high number of men, relative to women. Perhaps the people who matter, how ever these people are defined, simply pay more attention to men. And more of the people who matter probably are men. So, the vicious cycle continues.
Or maybe — and this is something I’ve put a lot of thought into lately — I’m not as good as I think I am. Sure, people tell me I’m a great writer/blogger. But am I really? Perhaps a truly objective person out there could tell me the truth: am I a mediocre writer? I know I’ve been called overrated. That’s a possibility.
I read a quote from some important person that went something like this: If we constantly compare ourselves to those greater than ourselves, we could end up with an inferiority complex. If we constantly compare ourselves to those lesser than ourselves, we could end up with inflated egos. I know I can do some things better than others, but are those things what people care about?
I may not be doing enough of what really counts. That’s probably why I’m not being recognized for my work by the “right” people. That’s why I’m not being quoted or linked to on certain topics, although I’ve put in much more time and energy on those topics. Or maybe my blog isn’t read by the “right” people…because I’m black. Or a woman. Or mediocre. Or all three.
This post is cryptic, I know. Don’t mind me. I’m just taking it easy (or trying) on this MLK holiday and thinking about…stuff. I thank God I rarely fall into sullenness.
It’s very unattractive. 
Update (6:33 p.m.): I allow myself one sulky, feeling-sorry-for-myself, nonsensical post a year, and this is it for 2007. Thanks, readers. 
