***Scroll down for updates***
Blaming white people can be a way for some black people to feel better about themselves, but it doesn't pay the electric bills. There are more doors of opportunity open for black people today than ever before in the history of America. - from Come On, People: On the Path From Victims to Victors
In “Tough, Sad and Smart,” columnist Bob Herbert discusses actor Bill Cosby and Dr. Alvin Poussaint (who was a consultant for “The Cosby Show”) and their new book, Come On, People: On the Path From Victims to Victors, which is about, among other things, fatherlessness among blacks and the failure to seize opportunities America has to offer.
I’ve said many times on this blog and elsewhere that the collapse of the family is the biggest problem facing black Americans. While I believe certain bigoted attitudes will always exist, white racism, as traditionally understood, is neither an obstacle nor a threat to any black person living today.
There was a time I tried to see both sides of the blame-the-white-man debate, but no longer. I’ve lost patience with it. I see only one side. Slack black men and women who make babies without providing those babies with the immeasurable benefit of a stable, solid home (marriage, residential father) cause more damage to their children than anything the most virulent racist could ever do or has the power to do in 2007.
We love blaming nameless and faceless for our troubles. Looking in the mirror and acknowledging our own slackness is not something we fallen humans do very well.
Questions for black readers 40 and under:
1) If you’ve experienced white racism in your lifetime, send me an e-mail with examples of how this white racism has been an obstacle to you. Prove me wrong. With your permission, I may post your response.
2) If you grew up without a residential, biological father, send me an e-mail and share your story. What were some of the challenges you faced? How has fatherlessness affected you as an adult? Have you repeated the cycle and abandoned your own children?
lashawn [at] lashawnbarber [dot] com
Update: I received a touching e-mail from a black man who grew up fatherless and blamed himself, as children sometimes do. But he broke the cycle. Today, he’s a husband and father who learned how to parent his child. I’ll post an excerpt of his e-mail later today, with his permission.
Later…Harold B. writes (excerpted):
“I am a forty year-old African-American male who grew up in a single-parent household in an impoverished community in Memphis, TN. My mother had a drug problem and there was extreme violence and sexual abuse in the home in which I was raised. I am a statistic. However, not of the variety that the MSM loves to parade before the American people.
“I graduated high school with a B-average and received an appointment to attend the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO. I earned my degree and received an honorable discharge from the military. I then went to work for different non-profit organizations helping traditionally underrepresented student populations attain post-secondary education and training. I am currently the Pre-College Program Manager at a top 5 public research university. We prepare deserving students of color from low-income families for the academically competitive classroom environments they will encounter at this institution or any other top-tier university.
“Know that I have given you my personal background information, I must address your question of how growing up fatherless impacted me. During my earliest years, I routinely fantasized about my “superhero dad” coming to my rescue. He would take me away from the physical and emotional hell that I was trapped in. As I got older and he never came, my feelings of anxious anticipation turned into feelings of doubt and rage. Why did he not want me? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?
“The older I got, the louder the voices in my head became, telling me that I did something to keep him away. It was all my fault! No matter how much people tried to make excuses for his abandonment, I did not buy them. I had to hold someone personally accountable for this tragedy. Unfortunately, all the anger and rage I had towards him was unleashed inwardly. I hated myself!
“Fortunately for me, I attended an elementary school that taught me the love of learning. So, there were two powerful, competing forces inside my head battling for control of my life and my soul…I received an appointment to the Air Force Academy. This prestigious institution gave me a sense of self-confidence and, more importantly, self-esteem, that helped me subdue and control the rage inside.
“I will close by telling you about a life changing C-SPAN experience I had. I was watching…late one night and I saw the Justice Clarence Thomas Book Party at the home of Armstrong Williams. Tears flowed down my face for an hour as I watched these politically powerful, strong black men discuss their humble beginnings and how hard work led them to prominence.”
Related posts and book reviews:
