Update (12/7): Based on comments, I need to clear up a couple of things: First, I stopped drinking cold turkey on my own. I didn’t attend AA or see a counselor. I got tired of being a drunk, so I suffered through a couple weeks of withrdrawal and anxiety to get sober. Strong willpower and an independent-minded personality, I guess. More power to the people who attend/attended AA. I have nothing against it. I just wanted people to be aware that AA is not the only way to get sober.
Second, I couldn’t care less if Levy has a beef with AA. My problem is his moderation and control angle. Alcohol controls the alcoholic’s life, not the other way around. A drunk cannot have a drink or two, and stop (unless he passes out), generally speaking. Even if he somehow manages to get through a few days “controlling” his drinking, it’s going to spiral out of control. That’s the nature of the addiction. The only way for a drunk to get control of his life is to stop drinking alcohol.
I don’t have to know any of the world’s drunks personally to know that. From my own experience, I can speak about theirs.
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I cringed when I read this article: Controlled Drinking: Controversial Alternative to AA.
Some irresponsible doctor named Michael Levy is trying to sell a book called Take Control of Your Drinking…And You May Not Need to Quit.
Remember when the serpent told Eve she would not die and would be like God if she ate the fruit (known as The Lie)? Telling a drunk that he’s in control of his drunkenness is almost as big a lie. For the alcoholic, there is no such thing as “drinking in moderation.” Telling a drunk he can learn to drink like “normal people” ought to be criminal.
Former drunks balk at such “moderation” nonsense, of course. Alcohol addiction is a serious problem that touches every area of your life. Whether someone is physically or psychologically dependent, it changes the way he thinks, reacts, and relates to the world around him. It helps him get through the day. It becomes the center of his world and the most important thing to him. It’s his crutch. And the only way to stand on your own two feet is to get rid of the crutch. To release alcohol’s hold on your life, you’ve got to change your lifestyle. The lifestyle change must involve complete sobriety.
About 14 years ago, when I flirted with getting sober, I attended an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting out of town where nobody knew me. I wasn’t really ready to stop drinking; I just didn’t want to be a drunk anymore.
I listened to former drinkers – black, white, young, old – talk about how much alcohol meant to them, how much it ruined their lives and relationships. It was like they were inside my head, reading my thoughts. But I couldn’t relate to them. They were sober. They were freaks. At the time, I couldn’t imagine going a day without drinking. I thought life would be dull and colorless, like a badly written, plodding old black and white movie. “Surely, it would kill me,” I said.
That was my first and last AA meeting.
Later, I visited a substance abuse center and spoke to a counselor. He was a former drunk whose wife had divorced him because of his drinking. Based on his appearance, he’d been through the mill. (Will I end up looking like that?) He said something like, “When people told me I needed to stop drinking, it was like they were telling me to give up my best friend.”
Yep, I could relate.
The counselor said something about the alcoholic’s life becoming “unmanageable.” I think that’s an AA term. If you drink to the point where your life has become unmanageable, you’ve got a problem (to understate it). The counselor also mentioned “stinking thinking,” another AA term. That’s when you believe you can go back to drinking “socially” or let yourself lapse into former drinking behavior, such as hanging around with drinking friends or going to bars because you “can handle it.”
I never went back to that or any other substance abuse center. It would be another few years before I was ready to stop drinking completely. I tried the moderation thing, and it didn’t work. Tired of the shame, the smell of alcohol on me and in me, the drinking rituals, the hiding, and the lies, I left that life behind me. And I haven’t looked back.
I think of how far I’ve come in the last ten years since I gave up drinking. I sometimes miss the taste of a cold beer when I’m watching a football game. Or sipping a martini while laughing with friends. I know I can’t drink like “normal people.” I can never, ever, pick up a drink again. Ever. It would undo all the progress I’ve made. I’d be a straight-up drunk in a matter of weeks.
Alcoholics involved in Levy’s moderation program are deluded. Take it from someone who’s been there, alcoholics. The only way to get your life back is to stop drinking, no matter how scary it seems. I know what you’re going through, believe me. I know exactly what you’re thinking, but you can’t wean yourself off booze. Deep down, you know it, too. This advice is coming from someone who thought she’d shrivel up and die without that next drink.
But she didn’t.
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Not being an alcoholic myself, I cannot truly relate. However, being the wife of a recovering alcoholic, I have seen what you described, and you are right. There is no moderate drinking for an alcoholic. One beer is too much, and a case is not enough.
One beer is too much, and a case is not enough.
Indeed! This was my motto: “There isn’t enough alcohol in the world to satisfy my thirst.”
After I became sober, this was my motto: “I have 100 reasons to drink [problems, disappointments, insecurity, etc.] and only one reason not to drink [being a drunk is worse than any problem, disappointment or insecurity].”
That one reason is more than enough to keep me off booze.
La Shawn:
I have suffered the pain of counseling two residents in Anesthesiology that they simply cannot return to our institution following discovery that they were taking hard drugs.
There is much controversy whether anesthesiologista or trainees should EVER return to anesthesiology following discovery of drug addiction. “They can be rehabilitated” is the outcry. Certainly, some can be. Perhaps the majority.
But there is a “dark side” to rehabilitating anesthesia providers (anesthesiologists, nurse anesthetists, trainees). The recurrence rate is greater than half, and among these recurrences a significant number commit suicide.
My institution (and my self) happen to agree – it’s best not to return to anesthesia, where free access to controlled drugs (opiates, others ) is an essential part of our practice.
Some successfully return to psychiatry or general medicine, where writing prescriptions doesn’t give them access to drugs. It’s a lot like returning a recovered alcoholic to a job as a bartender.
LaShawn: As the adult child of two alcoholic parents, I can fully attest to all that you are saying in this post. I am now 65 years old and have lived in fear MY ENTIRE LIFE of developing alcoholism. So my contempt for this huckster who is cynically making a buck by trying to convince an addict that there isn’t really an addiction (which is what basically he is saying when he claims they can “normalize” their drinking) – my contempt is gigantic.
I’m not an alcoholic (when I drank, it was one drink every three or four months), but as part of my Bachelor’s program in Psychology, I had to attend an AA meeting and write a paper on it.
When it was time to tell stories, one woman told of her drinking days, when she would dress to kill then go to the bar and hang out and have all the men wanting her. While all the other people who told their stories sounded disgusted by what they had become because of their drinking, this woman didn’t. I can picture her wanting to buy this book to give her permission to recapture her “glory days.” What a shame for all the people who buy into his lie.
One is too many and a thousand is not enough.
WOOHOO! Preach it, sister!!
It is possible to be a “problem drinker” but not an alcoholic (that describes most college kids today). Is this author directing his book to problem drinkers, or to alcoholics? That would make a difference.
Your post is well-written and true. As a child of an alcoholic parent, and one who has presented his fair share of anniversary coins, my speech is always the same – “Thank you for helping to keep my parent sober and thank you mom/dad for continuing to realize that you never stopped being an alcoholic even though you haven’t had a drink in 30 years.”
I too was fearful of developing an addiction to alcohol and, as a result, didn’t drink for the first 25 years I was alive – that’s how scared I was. I drink now, but responsibly (don’t drink when I know I’ll be driving, don’t have more than one beer at a time, etc.) so that my children can see that it is possible to drink and not be crazy with it.
Great post and I continue to pray with alcoholics struggling to get, and stay, sober.
So-called “problem drinkers” (i.e. college bingers who leave the “lifestyle” soon after graduation) are not generally candidates for AA. The book title is clearly: “A Controversial Alternative to AA.”
In other words – the message is that alcoholics can control their drinking through a moderation program.
Alcoholics and their families are the target market for this book, not college kids.
I haven’t read the book, so I don’t know how Dr. Levy plans to help alcoholics become strictly social drinkers, but it does sound pretty hard to believe.
One would think that if a person has enough self-control to do what the book says, they probably aren’t REALLY a full-on alcoholic. I guess it depends on how you define it. Either way, this book sounds like an “Atkins Diet” solution for drinkers.
I am a teetotaller myself (migraines) but saw a lot of alcoholics while I was working in a VA hospital; bless all of you who have found the strength/courage to quit and may g-d bless you and help you stay sober.
batyah is correct.
Not all problem drinkers are alcoholics–even if they’re not in college. By AA’s original definition, an alcoholic is someone who can’t stop drinking once he starts. But many people who are not alcoholics by that definition do have drinking problems, and have been misdirected by well-meaning friends and family to AA. So there may be people to whom this book applies. But they are not alcoholics in the true sense.
Even if a person is not an alcoholic it is a lie.
I am not a alcoholic. I was able to control my drinking if I needed to. I last had a drink in 1981, which I beleive is the best way to control my drinking.
A lie that could cause an alcoholic to die, or worse, much worse.
I am not hostile to people who drink. Not my call and I am glad that I don’t need to make a call.
But putting false data our there that could destroy people’s lives. Shameful that someone would go so far to see his (or her) name in print.
There is nothing quite like a three martini lunch!
Not being an alcoholic, I can’t relate, but from a humanistic point view, I feel real sympathy for anyone who is dogged by an addiction. Great insight. http://blackpoliticalthought.blogspot.com
There is no empirical evidence for the claim that total abstinence is the best treatment for addiction. In fact, the opposite is true — by telling people that if they have one drink they are sure to binge, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy:
There have been at least three randomized clinical trials that studied the effectiveness of AA. Specifically: Ditman et al. 1967; Brandsma et al. 1980; Walsh et al. 1991.
* Dr. Ditman found that participation in A.A. increased the alcoholics’ rate of rearrest for public drunkenness.[1]
* Dr. Brandsma found that A.A. increased the rate of binge drinking. After several months of indoctrination with A.A. 12-Step dogma, the alcoholics in A.A. were doing five times as much binge drinking as a control group that got no treatment at all, and nine times as much binge drinking as another group that got Rational Behavior Therapy. Brandsma alleges that teaching people that they are alcoholics who are powerless over alcohol yields very bad results and that it becomes a self-fulfilling prediction — they relapse and binge drink as if they really were powerless over alcohol.[2]
* And Dr. Walsh found that the so-called “free” A.A. program was actually very expensive — it messed up patients so that they required longer periods of costly hospitalization later on.[3]
I blogged about this subject here.
I suspect that many of the people who relapse after AA either suffer from some form of mental illness, or suffer from some kind of mental illness in addition to being alcoholics. AA is not desinged to treat bipolar disorder, for an example. I have an acquantance who did not benefit from AA until she got treatment for her bipolar disorder. She wasn’t addicted, she was “self medicating.” Now that her other issue is being treated, she doesn’t want to drink anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that many of the people who support this man’s theory were not “acoholics” in the true sense of the word to begin with.
Jewish Atheist – I’m sure you believe every single word you’ve written, but I’m here to tell you that a lot of it is just plain bunk! Faithful attendance at and adherence to the principles of AA is an excellent way for a lot of people to stop drinking. I’m not saying it’s the ONLY WAY but it is one way. And actually, neither of my parents went to AA – my mother developed diabetes and used that as her reason to stop drinking and remain sober which she did for the next 4 years until her death.
My father never adequately explained why he stopped – he just did it and from that point until 10 years later when (just as inexplicably) he started drinking again, we had a great relationship. He died about 4 months after starting drinking again and I have always suspected a strong connection.
I give credit for whatever mental health I possess to my faith and to Al-Anon, where I learned understanding, compassion and foregiveness – and yes, it was mostly for my own survival but in the end, it permitted a relationship with my father I might never have had.
Jewish Atheist – I’m sure you believe every single word you’ve written, but I’m here to tell you that a lot of it is just plain bunk! Faithful attendance at and adherence to the principles of AA is an excellent way for a lot of people to stop drinking. I’m not saying it’s the ONLY WAY but it is one way.
And I’m not saying it’s NO WAY, I’m just saying that it’s, on average, a worse way than many others, including none at all. This isn’t my opinion, though, it’s based on the scientific research. If anyone can point me to any science that shows that AA works as well or better than the alternatives (or nothing!) than I’d be glad to see it.
I’m not telling anyone who is successfully doing AA to stop, of course. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, of course. But Ms. Barber’s claim that encouraging moderation as treatment for addiction is a “lie” is outrageously false, according to all of the evidence — in fact, the lie is that abstinence is the only way to succeed.
In reality, cognitive-behavioral therapy as well as some other forms of therapy work better (on average) than AA and other 12-step programs. These are just the facts. Ms. Barber’s personal experience and beliefs cannot counter decades of scientific research.
You would have difficulty naming a drug I haven’t used. My drug history barred me from the Foreign Service, and that’s one reason not to do illegal drugs: one day someone will ask and you’ll have to choose between telling the truth and getting the job. I never had access to enough opium or heroin to get addicted. I found that the “geographic cure” (move) worked for cocaine. It’s the ever-present drugs nicotine, alcohol, and (here in Hawaii) marijuana that are hard to quit. Alcohol doesn’t grab me, I’ll drink a beer or a glass of cabernet or Glenmorange now and then, but it was a struggle to quit nicotine and marijuana. I remember quite clearly when I knew I had quit marijuana. We were driving back to town after bodysurfing Off-The-Wall and my friends lit up, as usual. I had been trying, without success up to that point, to quit and in this situation my determination usually went up in smoke. This time I felt a momentary urge and resisted. Then I listened and watched as my friends raved about the waves. They didn’t change! We had had a good time, and the post-session smoke made no difference whatever to my friends’ excitement. It hit me: the drugged state feels different but it’s no better.
Stay clean. You’ll derive the best, longest-lasting high from a healthy diet, exercise, enough sleep, useful employment, and love.
LaShawn:
I unfortunately speak with a voice of experience. I have been alcohol free for 7 years now and agree that there isn’t a middle ground. I believe that if I had to, I could drink two drinks and walk away from it. However, I know if I did it repeatedly, I’d fall. I too remember thinking I couldn’t get through the day without a drink and that person doesn’t exist any more. But flirting with alcohol would mean disaster even if I could ‘control’ myself once or twice.
I’m not quite as against this book as you are though. I guess b/c integral to me getting ‘ok’ was getting the h*ll out of AA. AA may be good for someone, but it’s not the catch all , can work for anyone approach that many of its advocates proselytize it to be. Part of the horror of having an alcohol problem is the feeling of helplessness that comes with it and part of that feeling comes from the belief that AA can work for anyone – and that if AA isn’t working for you it’s your fault. It’s such a widespread mentality (try to find a rehab facility that you can go through without having to go to AA meetings) that it does a lot of harm. Being sober and in AA was only marginally better than being an out of control drunk. I mean, I didn’t do all the bad stuff I did when I was drunk, but I still spent my days miserable. Only after I got out of AA, only after I realized I was in control, only after I realized I was an addict only if I chose to be did I start to really enjoy my life. I mention all of this (i know, I was longwinded) b/c AA dogma needs challenged. Books like this open up the debate and while I agree, some will be harmed by it, I also think many are harmed by the persistent blind belief that AA is the only solution to being a drunk. And before I go on, I’ve heard it all before about AA and had zillions of discussions with AA members on the subject. I know all the cliches about “take what you want and leave the rest” and the like, but in practice, try staying in AA and “taking what you want and leaving the rest ” or “we don’t care how you do it as long as you do it sober”. I mention this only b/c I don’t want to get lectured by AA members telling me how I don’t really get it b/c I completely do get it. I just don’t like what there is to get. and I honestly think that anything that opens up the debate and starts refuting some of the traditional AA wisdom is a good thing. I haven’t read this book so I don’t know how damaging it could be – and if it is damaging that’s a bad thing. But if nothing else it opens up the debate and will give people who are where I was 7 years ago, some hope that you’re not totally broken if you’re not into AA
Gayle Miller:
The problem with your post is that if you attend enough AA meetings, you’ll see it’s a True Believer system. If people can quit without AA and without being dry drunks, they are living testimony that much of what Bill wrote is incorrect. If AA is someone’s thing, it’s fine. But I’ve had more than a few people ask me, specifically me, how I did it without AA b/c my life has been truly blessed since I quit drinking. I told them honestly what I did and how I did it. I told them they should investigate any approach they find and see each one for what it is. I never (back then) steered people away from AA, I just did steer them to what worked for me. THe hostility I encountered from many AA members, many of them former friends, one of them my former sponsor was truly awful. After seeing this cycle repeat itself a few times, I started to see that doing it outside of the AA method honestly threatens and intimidates a lot of people. There’s a lot of rhetorical games that AA members play (take for instance the defintion of Alcoholism as a disease. If you doubt it, they’ll point to scientific studies indicating it’s a disease. But then when you try to address it from that point of view, they fall back into the “It’s a spiritual disease” thing which of course can’t be cured. They mix the medical definition of disease and spiritual definition (which they clearly say are much different) at will and it honestly looks no different from a bait and switch gimmick. If it were as effective as it claims, transparent games like this woulnd’t need to be played.
Even to those who say AA works, one could point out that other things might have worked too. I agree that Aa will work for some people. But in my experience with AA, which spanned several years and many different rooms in many different states, I saw mostly the same things. You do it Bill’s way. If it’s not working for you, YOU’re not doing it right or working your program hard enough. Once and alcoholic always an alcoholic. Try telling any AA member that you’re cured and watch what happens. I say I’m cured all the time because I am. I don’t drink. If I wanted to take a drink and stop I could but I have no desire whatsoever to do it because I don’t need to prove it to myself. I don’t count days b/c I’ve committed myself until death to abstinence. You’d think, if you listened to what my sponsor promissed me AA would provide when I started, that my sponsor and other members would love to hear my story. But we both know that isn’t the case. They will wait until I leave and then tell the person that asked *me*, not *them*, that I’m kidding myself and I’m headed for a big fall. Now, if an AA member relapses, it’s just a relapse. If I were to , it would be because I’ve been deluding myself all this time. My being me which means being alcohol free should threaten no one or make anyone uncomfortable. And I hear nowadays that I ‘attack’ AA all the time and that’s why they get concerned but well before I ever said a word about AA, and in the majority of cases when AA never comes up, I still get met with hostility. Simply saying “I was an alcoholic. My last drink was about 7 years ago and my next drink will be during my wake when I’ve asked for my corpse to be given a shot of whiskey for old times sake” – you’d be amazed at how much negativity that simple statement can cause among AA members. Now with non-aa members, I get “You go brother – good for you, Keep it up man!” But by staying sober, being really happy and pushing the limits of what I’m capable of producing and reaping the benefits that come with it – it really threatens a lot of folks who have “You can’t do it without a Program” beaten into their heads.
If you look at empirical numbers regarding AA, few are taken and none that I’ve ever seen are anything that can be described as successful. So it no doubt works for some people. What does it cost them? In my case, my happiness. It cost my drive and desire b/c I heard how I should take it slow and cautious and _____________ fill in slogan. That was killing me. When I broke free, I finally got a taste of happiness and freedom. So in my case, the cost was way too high. I’m not alone. I know a few Rational Recovery folks and with 2 exceptions, the whole crew of us that went to rehab together are as sober today as we were as young kids and will remain that way until we die. At best, AA is merely one way and not demonstrably more effective than any of its counterparts and since no cost/benefit has been done, it’s hard to speak to anything there. I will say that AA eclipses a lot of other viable ways of dealing with alcoholism. People got and stayed sober and happy well before Bill was ever born so they proved it can be done. And many prove it can be done without AA every day. But AA people get touchy about any perceived criticism of thier approach but have no problem showing criticism after criticism toward other approaches.
Do you disagree?
Jewish Atheist:
I like most of what you’re saying. I’m just curious b/c you lost me at the end. What is LaShawn saying that is wrong? That moderation can’t work? I didn’t recall reading her say that other approaches don’t work, rather, unless I misunderstood her, that approaches that let you still drink will fail. I think (although I haven’t seen the numbers) that if alcoholics dabble with drinking, a disproportionate number will progress past that point and end up in the sinker again. Now, if you’re saying that they will but so will people in other groups, point well taken. Because there is no methodology with anything approaching a success rate that’s greater than flipping a coin, your point is well taken.
But all that aside, I can say if you’ve had a drinking problem, staying away from it can’t hurt . if you can somehow show that it does, I can pretty much be sure that the damage is less than that caused by continuing drinking.
Perhaps though I’m misundertanding your point.
However your points are excellent and I’ve really enjoyed reading what you have to say – I’m hoping to read more
In reality, cognitive-behavioral therapy as well as some other forms of therapy work better (on average) than AA and other 12-step programs.
If only alcoholics and drug addicts weren’t so accomplished at gaming the system. A lot of the people I’ve met in recovery admit they tried therapy first, because it was the easier, softer way. And it didn’t work because an addict while in their addiction can. not. tell. the. truth.
Back on topic, I tried what’s called “Rational Recovery” in the years I knew I had a problem but couldn’t/wouldn’t admit it. It was a program that made everyone else feel better that I was doing something.
It wasn’t until I got into AA that I felt better because I was doing something for me.
Everyone’s mileage may vary, but I’ll still with the motto, “One is too many, a thousand never enough.”
I just dont get where we are going as a civil society. nice blog, chk me out some time
“I don’t have to know any of the world’s drunks personally to know that. From my own experience, I can speak about theirs.”
I’m sure a lot of them are enough like you that you can speak about theirs. But some may be different, and unless you know all the worlds drunks, or at least a pretty large sample, you don’t know that some aren’t different enough from you that what’s best for you would be worst for them and vice versa.
For the record, I am not a doctor or an addiction specialist.
William:
Thanks for the kind words.
But all that aside, I can say if you’ve had a drinking problem, staying away from it can’t hurt . if you can somehow show that it does, I can pretty much be sure that the damage is less than that caused by continuing drinking.
One point is that if the person does one day give into temptation and have a drink or three, they are more likely to go completely off the wagon if they have had it drilled into them that they are “powerless” over alcohol and that if they have one drink, a binge is basically inevitable. It’s a classic case of “all-or-nothing thinking” which the Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy scientists identify as one of the cognitive distortions that can lead to problems.
Ms. Barber’s claim is quite testable:
A drunk cannot have a drink or two, and stop (unless he passes out), generally speaking. Even if he somehow manages to get through a few days “controlling” his drinking, it’s going to spiral out of control. That’s the nature of the addiction. The only way for a drunk to get control of his life is to stop drinking alcohol.
As far as I can tell, and again I’m not an expert, the data do not support this claim AND there is some data to show that the claim is in fact counterproductive and may make things worse.
Are there some people for whom total abstinence is the best and only solution? I don’t know, could be. But to speak for every other alcoholic out there based solely on one’s own experience and AA dogma is irresponsible.
William – I didn’t ATTEND AA meetings – I attended Al-Anon meetings which are specifically targeted at the families of alcoholics. The impact of an alcoholic on his or her family is extraordinarily profound and can lead to reverberations that last through DECADES. There is even an organization specifically for the ADULT children of alcoholic parents. We tend to be overly responsible, among other things. I myself suffer from clinical depression and I have always attributed it partly to genetic inheritance (both my parents suffered from depression) and part of it from the experience of growing up in a household where I never knew from one day to the next which father and which mother I was going to find at home. We won’t even start on the shame factor – covering up to family and friends and neighbors that mother or father or both were incapable of being coherent at the moment.
I survived with the help of Al Anon and while I’m no poster child for robust mental health, I am a fully functioning adult who is responsible without being a loon about it and capable of happiness. And, thanks to Al Anon, I was able to understand my parents’ illness, forgive them for its negative impact on my life, and love them fully as these two flawed but remarkable humans deserved to be loved. In other words, abiding compassion which benefits every other human (and their dogs and cats) in my immediate universe, ultimately a rather significant gift.
Perhaps that is why when someone writes a book that says that alcoholics can still be social drinkers, I react with a great deal of skepticism and no small amount of anger at the damage potential.
One final note. Alcoholics and drunks are two different animals. Alcoholics are generally very intelligent people (both my parents belonged to MENSA). Drunks? Not so much.
Although I’m a Christian, I do not feel that alcoholic drinks are wrong in and of themselves. It is, of course, the excessiveness of it that leads to transgression. The same can be said of food, although we rarely hear people warn of the sin of the gluttony. They mention it off-hand in a joking manner. It is true that excessive alcohol kills–the drunkard him or herself, as well as any unintended victims who happen to be in the way of that person’s bad judgment call. Gluttony kills as well and can likewise hurt the loved one’s family by his or her loss.
I guess what I’m getting at is that I think we all have the freedom to drink or eat as long as we are temperate in our appetites. It’s that way with anything in life. As a Christian, I don’t always bring up the drinking thing because I know that some people are adamantly opposed to it and for very good reasons. Perhaps they had a family member who was an alcoholic, etc. I also think that my freedom in such matters shouldn’t be communicated to the weak or the young and impressionable. It’s a matter where you have to exercise some discernment about who you drink around and who you don’t. As for me personally, I might have a small shot of Irish whiskey as an apertif in the evenings in the comfort of my own home–just one. No more. Doesn’t matter that I’m home where I’m safe. It’s still not right to overindulge in food or drink. Our bodies are God’s temples, and we do not have permission to trash them. The Bible is rife with warnings against excessive drinking. But it doesn’t forbid it ever. It does say not to be given to “much drink.” However, Jesus did turn the water into wine at the wedding in Cana. I believe my Lord drank real wine–not grape juice.
LaShawn
I agree with you on this topic. As a Recovering Alcoholic with 13.5 years of being sober I can relate to this subject. When I first was introduced to AA I thought that all these people in the meetings were really screwed up and were there just there to scare the living daylights out me. (Notice it was all about me.) I thought man all these people do is hang out here, have no lives and are mindless robots spouting the Mantra of their “Big Book.” I still thought along the Doctor Levy lines that all I needed was a few tools and I could go back to being a “Normy” at the club or bar.
It was one thing that was said that got me thinking. Quote “A lot of the times you went out drinking you had fun and did not get into any trouble” I thought heck yes, I had some very good times, this is very true. Maybe I’m just a problem drinker and not one of these gutter drunks. The kicker for me was when rest of Quote was said: “But, all the times you got into trouble, you were drinking.” …hmmm, when I stopped lying to myself I knew that all the times I beat up some guys fist with my face, had fights with the girlfriend, messed up the car, spent way to much money out of the paycheck, spent time with the local police department, was late for work due to my hangover etc.. sure as heck, I was drinking.
Back in the 90’s, when I first tried to get sober, there was a program called “rational recovery.” The basic premise was for people to realize that they could lead a sober life without the principles laid down by Bill W and Doctor Bob. I had a few folks whom I knew try this as they were not interested in the recovery program of AA. Not one of those folks made it past one year before they were lost in the fog of their alcoholism. If their program worked it was but for a brief period.
Mr. Levy seems to infer that an Alcoholic can be made “normal” again and be able to partake. I disagree. I have seen way too many people walk into AA, get enough sobriety to where they thought “hey, I have my house back in order, I’m back to ‘Normal’ I should be able to drink socially as a normal person does.” Well, they don’t and can’t. It is more than just the intake of alcohol that is the problem. An alcoholic is a person whom is a self-centered, selfish walking defect of character. Any time you add alcohol to the mix, you get all the wonderful ISM’s (I, Self and Me) but you also get the financial/leagal/spritual/relationship problems that arise from drunkenness. Myself, I had a huge “GOD” shaped hole in me that I tried filling with wine, women and song.
The only way I have found that works for me and has a track record of working for me is AA. I have tried abstaining from certain drinks, and other methods but I was still a freaking drunk. The easier softer way did not seem to work.
The bottom line is I am not a Saint, I try to work the principles of AA, I don’t do ‘em perfectly but I do realize that for me, this program by Doctor Bob and Bill W. has helped me string along 13 1/2 years of sobriety.
The 3 pertinent ideas of AA hold very true to me.
A) I’m an Alcoholic and had no skills on managing my life. Running life my way was not working.
B) No human power could relieve my alcoholism, no matter what books, shrinks or other methods I tried.
C) GOD did relieve my alcoholism when I sought him.
For those who journey down the same path as me, realize this, those chairs at the local AA meeting are the most expensive pieces of furniture you’ll ever sit it. The price we Alcoholics have paid to sit in them are enormous. To sit in that seat is to have paid with a loss of family, marriages, careers, health, finances and spirit. If you have not hit the bottom and think you can still drink, go pay the price some more. If you are blessed, you might, just might get a second shot at sitting in that chair. God will determine if you get that chance. If you are unlucky, you’ll end up in jail, in an institution or dead.
If people want to work Levy’s program, I wish them all the best. Good Luck and God bless. Just remember, if Levy’s deal does not work, and your lucky enough to get another chance, try Bill W and Doctor Bobs program, If a putz like me can string along 13.5 years you can as well.
Herkeng
LaShawns Birthday Brother (Cinco De Mayo)
LaShawn,
I too was tired of drinking and where it was taking….on a road to no where. I had, at that time been successful, military officer and promoted to a high rank but it just wasn’t making my family happy, me happy but more important the Lord happy. On 1 Apr 97 I got down on my knees and prayed that the Lord would take away this need to drink. HE did and I replaced that love for alcohol with HIS love. I have not had a want or desire to go back to drinking and I serve as a testimony to those who knew me when I did. Oh and BTW I now own my own company and wake up each and everyone more with a blessing of God’s grace and mercy.
I too am a recovering person. In my opinion one has to do whatever it takes, i.e. going to any length neccesary to get sober. I also agree that for true alcoholics moderation is not an option.
To me one or two drinks makes no sense whatsoever. I drank to get drunk, period! It usually didn’t end until I was completely inebriated, and sometimes far beyond that.
Fortunately, I am past the point of feeling sorry for myself. In a sense, alcoholism was the best thing that every happened to me, for without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. However, that does not imply that I would want to go back. My problem had a profoundly adverse effect on my family.
If I have any advice to give, it would be to turn your life over to the care of God.
The idea that a recovered alcoholic will be doomed by taking one drink is probably a bit of a streach but the idea that an alcoholic recovered or not can become a social drinker is absurd.
The one factor that separates the recovering addict from the still-addicted is this: Commitment to sobriety. LaShawn, you said it: “I got tired of being a drunk….”
My favorite light bulb joke:
Q: How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Whatever method one uses, the will to change is the one essential.
LaShawn: You and I certainly share this situation in common. One morning in 1987 I found myself hung over after a(nother) party with some insurance colleagues of mine. My stomach was on fire, as though I had swallowed a dozen hot coals. The burning didn’t relent even a few days later (of no drinking). I consulted an MD who advised, after some testing, that I had the beginnings of a stomach ulcer. He gave me a list of things not to consume and at the top of the list was alcohol. I spent the next week having 24 hours of anxiety attacks in wave after wave (luckily no other physical withdrawal sypmtoms). At the end of a week, I woke up and felt better than I had since I was a kid (I started drinking to get drunk at 17). In the following few weeks, several people confided in me that I was a disgusting person when drunk, arrogant, aggressive, vulgar and abusive. My closest friends were all glad I gave it up. It has been a difficult 20 years but I never went to a single AA meeting, rehab or therapy. I’m not suggesting skipping a 12 step program but it’s clearly possible. Any time I feel extremely anxious, depressed or unloved I have this impulse (that I have successfully fought) to get drunk. It will never go away I’m sure and the only way to make sure my life is right is to never ever have another drink (not even a sip) of alcohol. God bless you and hang in there (or “one day at a time”).
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