Update (12/7): Based on comments, I need to clear up a couple of things: First, I stopped drinking cold turkey on my own. I didn’t attend AA or see a counselor. I got tired of being a drunk, so I suffered through a couple weeks of withrdrawal and anxiety to get sober. Strong willpower and an independent-minded personality, I guess. More power to the people who attend/attended AA. I have nothing against it. I just wanted people to be aware that AA is not the only way to get sober.
Second, I couldn’t care less if Levy has a beef with AA. My problem is his moderation and control angle. Alcohol controls the alcoholic’s life, not the other way around. A drunk cannot have a drink or two, and stop (unless he passes out), generally speaking. Even if he somehow manages to get through a few days “controlling” his drinking, it’s going to spiral out of control. That’s the nature of the addiction. The only way for a drunk to get control of his life is to stop drinking alcohol.
I don’t have to know any of the world’s drunks personally to know that. From my own experience, I can speak about theirs.
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I cringed when I read this article: Controlled Drinking: Controversial Alternative to AA.
Some irresponsible doctor named Michael Levy is trying to sell a book called Take Control of Your Drinking…And You May Not Need to Quit.
Remember when the serpent told Eve she would not die and would be like God if she ate the fruit (known as The Lie)? Telling a drunk that he’s in control of his drunkenness is almost as big a lie. For the alcoholic, there is no such thing as “drinking in moderation.” Telling a drunk he can learn to drink like “normal people” ought to be criminal.
Former drunks balk at such “moderation” nonsense, of course. Alcohol addiction is a serious problem that touches every area of your life. Whether someone is physically or psychologically dependent, it changes the way he thinks, reacts, and relates to the world around him. It helps him get through the day. It becomes the center of his world and the most important thing to him. It’s his crutch. And the only way to stand on your own two feet is to get rid of the crutch. To release alcohol’s hold on your life, you’ve got to change your lifestyle. The lifestyle change must involve complete sobriety.
About 14 years ago, when I flirted with getting sober, I attended an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting out of town where nobody knew me. I wasn’t really ready to stop drinking; I just didn’t want to be a drunk anymore.
I listened to former drinkers – black, white, young, old – talk about how much alcohol meant to them, how much it ruined their lives and relationships. It was like they were inside my head, reading my thoughts. But I couldn’t relate to them. They were sober. They were freaks. At the time, I couldn’t imagine going a day without drinking. I thought life would be dull and colorless, like a badly written, plodding old black and white movie. “Surely, it would kill me,” I said.
That was my first and last AA meeting.
Later, I visited a substance abuse center and spoke to a counselor. He was a former drunk whose wife had divorced him because of his drinking. Based on his appearance, he’d been through the mill. (Will I end up looking like that?) He said something like, “When people told me I needed to stop drinking, it was like they were telling me to give up my best friend.”
Yep, I could relate.
The counselor said something about the alcoholic’s life becoming “unmanageable.” I think that’s an AA term. If you drink to the point where your life has become unmanageable, you’ve got a problem (to understate it). The counselor also mentioned “stinking thinking,” another AA term. That’s when you believe you can go back to drinking “socially” or let yourself lapse into former drinking behavior, such as hanging around with drinking friends or going to bars because you “can handle it.”
I never went back to that or any other substance abuse center. It would be another few years before I was ready to stop drinking completely. I tried the moderation thing, and it didn’t work. Tired of the shame, the smell of alcohol on me and in me, the drinking rituals, the hiding, and the lies, I left that life behind me. And I haven’t looked back.
I think of how far I’ve come in the last ten years since I gave up drinking. I sometimes miss the taste of a cold beer when I’m watching a football game. Or sipping a martini while laughing with friends. I know I can’t drink like “normal people.” I can never, ever, pick up a drink again. Ever. It would undo all the progress I’ve made. I’d be a straight-up drunk in a matter of weeks.
Alcoholics involved in Levy’s moderation program are deluded. Take it from someone who’s been there, alcoholics. The only way to get your life back is to stop drinking, no matter how scary it seems. I know what you’re going through, believe me. I know exactly what you’re thinking, but you can’t wean yourself off booze. Deep down, you know it, too. This advice is coming from someone who thought she’d shrivel up and die without that next drink.
But she didn’t.
