9/8: Your kind words mean a lot to me. Thanks for commenting. 
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In July, I lost my biggest client. It wasn’t the economy; it was technical problems.
Panic Room
What are you doing, God?
Most of my monthly income was gone, just like that. I needed to act fast. I did what I should have been doing over the years. I began looking for new clients in earnest. I signed up at “creative” temporary employment agencies. I scanned the classifieds and applied for full and part time jobs. Nothing panned out. Strangely, I wasn’t too disappointed. After working at home for three years, the very thought of returning to a drafty office with harsh fluorescent lights and working on stuff I couldn’t care less about was unpleasant.
I was fondly accustomed to sliding out of bed, showering if I felt like it, going to the corner Starbucks, and leisurely walking back home as I watched people hustling to the Metro station and cars madly rushing across the intersection to beat the light. I’d grown attached to working in spurts, then breaking up the day to walk to the post office or store, or working in Love Café (with free wireless and good cupcakes). Sometimes I planned my schedule so I’d be finished by noon, and I hardly ever worked past 3 o’ clock.
I don’t want to go back!
But I was willing to do what I had to do. I could get by through July and August. After that, oh man. Not being able to pay your bills is uncool. I was paying the price for not diversifying my income, for putting all my proverbial eggs in one teetering basket, and for not planning for such an event financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
Throughout all of this, my sister in California got an earful, every week. Months ago, she asked if I’d thought about moving out there with her and my niece. It would help both of us in so many ways. (My sister’s divorced, we both could use the spiritual accountability, even with less money, I could still pay my bills, etc.) I think we talked about it for five minutes. Yes, I’d thought about it, but I wasn’t ready to leave DC. Months later, let’s just say I had a change of heart! I took her up on her offer. Not only would I dodge a 9-to-5 bullet, I’d get to live in a lovely place. I hate Southern California’s politics, but I adore Southern California. Those hills. That ocean. The weather. Just…gorgeous.
I got into moving mode, though I hadn’t yet lifted a finger. I didn’t want to move under these conditions: scared, confused, angry with myself, a dwindling bank account…
God was doing something. I didn’t know what, but that’s what trusting him is about. Trusting relieves burdens and calms fears. I avoided sinking into despair by focusing on his nature, his character. No matter how bad my situation became, I was still a child of his, and he cares about me and even my most minor concerns. He loves me. I didn’t have to understand the plan or see clearly the path in front of me.
[I wrote this post for readers who requested more details on why I decided to switch coasts.]
Lifelines
Just breathe.
Trusting God doesn’t mean worrying disappears. It’s a tendency that is always present, and worry floods into our minds, unbidden.
In the midst of all this worry, a literary agent called to say he didn’t think the book proposal I pitched in a query letter I’d sent him had potential, but he wanted to see a different proposal, perhaps one based on what I’d been doing on this blog for the past four years (the book idea I sent him had nothing to do with politics or faith or this blog). What a thing to happen while surrounded by waves of uncertainty. I grabbed onto the lifeline.
Then I landed two new clients.
Enough Rope
Why not?
Financially speaking, I no longer had to move to California. I couldn’t come up with a good enough reason to stay in DC, however, so I kept my California plans. Emotionally and spiritually, I need to go.
Moving to California means I get to spend more time with my nine-year-old niece and watch her grow up. She’s got a minor star-struck streak going on, just like her auntie. She was all excited about meeting and taking a picture with Raven-Symone a couple of weeks ago.
I saw my niece being born. I wasn’t supposed to be there, but the doctor let me stay. “I’ll pretend I don’t see you,” he said. It’s funny how someone who didn’t exist on a Tuesday can come into the world on a Wednesday, and completely alter your life.
Moving to California means I’ll get to attend John MacArthur’s church more often. Living so close to Los Angeles will open up opportunities to seek out, interview (in person), and blog/write about Bible-believing Christians in Hollywood like Kirk Cameron, and making contacts with “family-friendly” companies like Walden Media and getting invited to movie premieres.
And the music. It wasn’t a popular feature on this blog, but for better or for worse, it’s making a comeback now that I’ll be closer to a music PR agency I worked with and bands I like and venues I want to visit.
My list of reasons for moving to California grows every day, but this post is a decent snapshot. Doors close, and others open. I’m stepping through one of those open doors. We’re hardly ever faced with a brick wall. There’s always new terrain to navigate, no matter how rocky, a new direction, and a way out.
Being spontaneous and doing the unexpected inject novelty into the daily grind of living, I’ll tell you.
Before I head to the coast, I’m recharging in SC. Because of stress and the physical activity of preparing for a big move, I’ve lost at least 11 pounds. I think I look good, but my mother says I look ill. She’s determined to “fatten” me up before I leave.
I thought I’d outgrown the urge to throw everything I could fit into a car and go (clarification: figure of speech – I’m flying to CA, although I drove to SC from DC last week). But I haven’t!
Thank goodness.
